April 24, 2008

I’m cold, you already know...

It’s a little early, but I’m writing this because a particular someone doesn’t want to talk to me right now, because I guess because I am some type of liar. And against the better judgment of a friend that knows me of my tendency to eat beef and my need for everyone to see things my way. Anyway, I’m talk about me. Disclaimer needed. It’s no secret, I’m a…dare I say, it a great conversationalist (maybe all little cocky too, but I back it up). But what’s a one sided discussion? If we both agree it’s boring. So as Dan once put it, you have to ask the hard questions. I’m not going to keep asking why? why? Like a child. I’ll just take on the other side of the discussion, I don’t have to full hearted believe in it. It’s called playing devil’s advocate. It force people to actual be able to rationalize why they believe what they believe. And it help me understand both sides and either confirm or refute what I believe. I call it self learning. I can take the other side of a genocide debate, without being for genocide. But because in a discussion I say something in support of genocide does that make me a liar? I never killed anyone. At least anyone you know. Well maybe, no one physically (I know I’ve killed some self esteems before). So are people on the debate team liars too? Another thing I tend to do is brag and boasts. I call myself God’s gift all the time. But everyone that knows me know can be really humble too. Does that make me a liar too? Is it not possible for me to be humble and have high self esteem? I can’t have both? Even at different levels? I can say some really mean things but I dare you not to say I’m not a very nice caring person too. It’s just words, anyway. Remember, stick and stones? We do not live in a computer world of ones and zeros, true and false, black and white. I don’t know about yall, but my world is three dimensional, and in color. I am not simple, never claimed to be. Want to keep it simple, but I am not. Simplicity is goal to live by but not a reality. Sorry if I assume every intelligent person sees in color too. In this particular case I like to think the best of people. Actions speak louder than words. What is more powerful? A parent telling their kid not to touch the flame on the stove because is hot, or the parent taking the hand and putting it near the flame saying feel the heat, it’s hot don’t touch it? Which case is more effective? When a Politician promises to do something but doesn’t do it, do you keep voting them in to office because they keep saying they are going to do something? No, actions are what count. Is it wrong that I rather be judged by my actions? Can I be liberal and pro legalization without being a smoker? Am I allowed to hate and like guns? Is there no grays? Does everything have to be black and white? I do think they are cool and I like shooting them, but I also think they are dangerous and ruins lives. To box me into either or is insulting, I’m an intelligent creature. Let me be fresh to def and have color. That is real. That is the truth. I am complicated. Everything is not literal with me; there are shades and exceptions to the rules like anything else in life. I like to think that can I see from other perspectives, and I have 3d vision. The question is: how do you decipher what I really mean then? The easiest thing is just ask, I fucking love to talk about what I believe. I am proud of my beliefs. Or you can judge me by my actions. I do pride myself on speaking the truth and being honest. I don’t like to read but I read a lot. Both are true. I am not a black and white 2D drawing. I don’t like reading, I read a lot, like writing, but can’t write. 3D and in color! I am not simple, please don’t box or call me fake because I don’t fit in the cookie cutter. The important thing is to use your own head and make a decision on your own about me based on your experiences with me. No one has ever looked me in my eyes and has not been able to know how I feel. I’m told all the time, I’m really easy to read. My heart is easily read. It’s like a children’s book. I’m hot, you’ll learn, I wouldn’t touch me because my hand might burn. I’m cold, you already know, you can go by what you heard depending on what they told. I’m too little to hit, and I’m too big to forget, and I’m too wide to hold, I’m too thin to fold.

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