What Could You Do, If Anything?

If faced with this situation, what would you do?

You are living in modern Germany, divorced with a daughter living with your ex.  You and your Ex do not get along and you feel like she takes every opportunity to make your life a living hell when she can.  Also she has a very hands off relationship with your daughter.  No curfew and such, she can do what she wants.  Your daughter is in her late teens and in post secondary school.  She is a good girl and never a problem.  Also very responsible.  You couldn’t of asked for a better little girl.  But there is one problem…Her boyfriend.

Your are not racist by any means, but your problem with the boyfriend is that he is Turkish.  It’s the cultural differences you have a problem with.  You would like for your daughter to be with a nice Christian young man (practicing Christian with good morals, like you, no sex before marriage).  Her boyfriend seems nice enough but he is a Turkish Muslim and your better judgment keeps you from seeing a good outcome in the relationship and you want what’s best for your daughter.  The general understanding with Turkish men in Germany is that they get local girlfriends to sow their oats before marrying a Muslim Turkish woman from home.  They have to follow tradition or risk losing their family.

So one day you have the opportunity to talk to the boyfriend.  You lock him in the car after taking him home with your daughter in the backseat.  You was giving them a ride.  You then question him.  Since you are sleeping with my daughter, I want to know what your intentions are.  Do you plan on marrying her?

You have giving the boy a chance to come correct.  He doesn’t have to say he will marry her but just make you and your daughter feel better about the whole situation.  He fails.  He start a list of reasons of what’s wrong with her.  She can’t cook and such.  He had an opportunity to show he is not like the Muslim stereotype, but instead reinforces your feared beliefs about Muslim men with their views on women.  It hurts your heart because you raised your daughter in the independent strong black woman type way.  Also you know if they wanted to marry he would have to go against his family for love and you now don’t see him doing that.  And even more you do believe they love each other.

Funny how often Romeo and Juliet manifests it’s self in our lives.  You don’t like the idea of your daughter being used to sow his oats and you tell your daughter she needs to look for someone else.  But she is in silly girl mode and that’s her boyfriend, the only one she has every had.  And from what you have seen he is a good guy.  Doesn’t hit her, never seen him do anything inappropriate.  He must be at least a decent guy for your daughter to love him and want to continue to see him.

What could you do, if anything?  You are not racist, it’s the cultural rules; not all Muslims, but Turkish Muslims.  Your daughter could never be accepted.  Your baby girl is with someone who using her temporarily whether on purpose or not.  How do you get around the idea of your daughter being used as a booty call while there in Germany, only to be tossed aside later?  She is 18 and doesn’t live with you, so you can’t enforce any rules.  The ex-wife is no help.  And God forbid she gets knocked up because he would deny the child and offer no support, maybe even move back to Turkey.

A few more details if you think I’m overstating the problem.  One, he will not bring her home or allow her to meet his family and they have been together for 5 years.  Two, I saw this first hand, he rerouted her phone calls to his phone.  He is remotely screening her calls.  Now if this ain’t the possessive Muslim stereotype???  Controlling.  She is scared to leave the city much less the country because of him. We are still trying to get her to come to the US where every guy would be tripping all over themselves to get with her.

More on Mom.  It’s not weird for her to be very hands off.  Apparently most German parents are very hands off.  While there I saw kids walking around 3-4 in the morning, there is very few crimes, and condom kiosks everywhere.  Her personality is laid back, no curfew and don’t punish.  Plus she has a new boyfriend.  Only rule is wake her when she comes home (no matter the time) so she doesn’t worry.

What Cha Looking At??? Got A Problem?!

As everyone knows I had a great time while in Germany.  But one thing I valued most was seeing what it is like outside of my home and culture.  There are many things I've picked up and want to add to my lifestyle.  And there are many things they can have to themselves.  But there were two cultural issues that I will blog about because I find them so interesting.

One thing I noticed immediately was the social differences.  For the most part here in the US we don't stare down people.  And when you get caught staring you either look away, speak, or smile.  Well I noticed they don't do that in many states in Germany.  So much that it bothered me, because of my culture I guess.  But after smiling at people staring me down only too get a cold response I needed to know what's the deal.  It's the 21st Century, I know they have seen a black person before.  So while over there me and my aunt would complain about the rudeness of the local people.  So one day at dinner we are all talking, we tell my uncle it's weird.  He says we only see it because of the racism in the US.  I would agree with that, when you are aware of the existance of racism you will notice it.  It's like buying an new car you don't notice how many people have that car until you buy it.  He doesn't think it's a big deal and we are making too much of it.  He goes on to say that German's love Americans.  But he says they don't like the Africans.  They feel like their country is small and has limited resources, then people come for these large country with resources and use theirs, whether it's jobs, land, or money for welfare and other social programs (Sounds familiar).  So in the same breath that he says racism is not a problem AND he declares that they have a problem with Africans.  Our immediate question was, how do they know we are American and not African???  I mean growing up in the States we can tell for the most part an African American Black (several generations removed from Africa) and an African Black person.  But how would they know?  They don't have 13 percent of their population Black.  Even the Ethiopians (they have a growing population there) there had to do a double take when they saw us there.  When were looking at places to visit in Germany, my uncle said we shouldn't go to Berlin.  I didn't understand why Berlin seems like a tourist city.  But he didn't go into details but he said it wouldn't be safe unless I was in a group.  Later looking up info on Germany I saw news reports and internet postings of racist attacks towards Ethiopians there.

GERMANY: Racist Attack Fuels Fear of Far Right
By Jess Smee

BERLIN, Apr 24 (IPS) - A brutal attack on a black German has left the victim fighting for his life and has reactivated fears about right-wing extremism in Germany.

Ermyas M, a 37-year-old engineer of Ethiopian descent, was attacked early on Easter morning while waiting at a tram stop in Potsdam in the eastern German state of Brandenburg. His assailants called him a "nigger", attacked him with a bottle and beat him to the ground.

The German citizen, who is married with two small children, was so badly injured he is in a coma in hospital.

Spurring headlines, political debate and protests by hundreds of Potsdam residents, the attack is a reminder of an unrelenting problem in Germany. Since reunification in 1990, more than 100 people have been killed in racist violence. Across German towns and cities, neo-Nazi groups routinely protest against foreigners.

In Potsdam, insecurity and anger prevail. "Until now we had an atmosphere here where residents, including black or coloured people, could go out at night without fear," mayor Jann Jakobs told the national daily SüddeutscheZeitung. "Now that has changed."

Not all Germans are racist or mean.  For the most the vast majority were not.  But the looks and rude dismissive attitudes were hard to over look.  But the real race ripple in Germany was with the Turks.  There is a good percentage of people from Turkey living in Germany.  And many German have a strong dislike toward poor Turks who move to Germany.  They say that the social services are so good that they can make a living having babies and getting welfare (once again, sounds familiar).

In a forum post entitled: WHY DO GERMANS HATE TURKS?

One lady writes:

I telly you why...
because they are rude, loud and disrispecting. Sissy pricks that are scared shitless by a fight 1 on 1, which explains why they always show up in packs. They are wannabe gangster that steal old ladies' purses and show it off like they just won an oscar for extraordinary achievements. Sad, innit?

They are not willing to become integrated whatsoever. It's not only turks... in general the islamic fuckers are getting on everyones nerves.

Oh, and since you do not know much about german history, I'm gonna help you out. We are not racists, we're patriots!!! lol
See? It's that easy.
If you have questions, shoot! My other lessons are not so free though

Now my cousins are mixed (African American and German) and one of them mention to me that they hate when people think they are Turkish because of their light complexion and straight hair. They are proud to be of African American descent.  My heart went out to him. They have to learn the same lesson on race that our mothers and fathers taught us here.

Ambassadors of Dance

Time to catch up from the last couple of days.  We drove a couple hours north to Hannover through the country side to get our EURail passes for the train.  Hannover is the 3rd or 5th largest German city with a pop of about 500,000.  Facts my uncle says while driving.  Had some fish and chips at the train station, believe it or not this was the first English speaking (me) to German speaking only interaction I have had so far without help of a translator.  Went over well, but my dad got the epic failure when he tried to buy a soda.  He couldn’t understand how much she said it cost and the a lady of the line came and tried to help him pick out the right amount.  Image a little kid going to the store with his allowance money and counting the pennies in the palm of his hand.  Now make that kid 50 years old and 6’2”  lol I kid, my dad.  By the way what he gave her was not enough, wrong amount. lol Let’s try it again.

I won’t lie, figuring out the change is only tough part of dealing with the Euros.  They have their dollars as coins too.  And mix that with not know how to count in a foreign language.  I been looking at the register and/or remembering the cost from the menu instead of listening to their total. 

More Pictures:

We also stopped in a small town on sightseeing course back to Kassel.  Me and my Aunt Ann are still not used go people staring at us.  It wouldn’t be so bad if they would respond when I smile or say something.  The people are so rude.  I be mugging back now.

Saturday, the change of diet caught up with me.  Not quite the BGs but a consent need to take a dump every 15 mins.  After 4-5 time I pulled out the pink stuff and problem solved along with a long nap.  I blame all the bread and cheese in the German diet.

After sleeping all day, I got the chance to taste the night life with my aunt and uncle.  It was a 30 and over disco.  There was some dancing that would put Allison’s and Jenny’s awkward dancing to shame.  There was about four or five people that were dancing hard the whole night, never left the dance floor.  And it was hot and funky.  Euro Funk aka musty underarms.  But it was a really good time, we all had a lot of fun.

Some video from the club:

This morning we rode out to a small town of about 2,000 people, there are a lot towns like that here, to what Yoshi’s track meet.  But almost there Joshua calls us any says he is not participating because his groining hurts.  We still ride out to see what’s what.  The place and track was tiny, it wasn’t a major event so I see why he wasn’t pressed to perform.  But he look sad to not be able to show off for his family. Now it's been raining all day. The weather has changed, it’s cold and thunder storming.  Now I’m feeling sick (snotty nose).  France tomorrow, maybe we can run from it.

More Pictures here:

Father vs Son in a Dance Battle

We have been having so much fun in Kassel with our German family we have fallen off out itinerary and are readjusting. It feels so good reconnecting.  Last night after barbequing we sat around and some how talking turned into a sweaty dance party.  Our family has a good time.

Hercules, Hercules

I got to check out some of what Kassel, Germany has to offer and got to see my cousins for the first time in over 10 years.  Showed them facebook too. lol.

I Made It Safely Across The Atlantic

After staying up all night and last minute shopping, we had a smooth flight over the Atlantic Ocean.  As those of you that have been following me on twitter I have seen some shit in the mean time.  I’m try to keep yall updated with Twitter but I only have 20 MB of international data transfers on my phone account.

Follow me on Twitter for live updates:  http://www.twitter.com/willwash

But when I have free time, like now, I will post and upload.

The US dollar sucks balls.  I blame the Republicans and Bush.  Tell me no lies.

Jet lag or what it’s called is a mother… I stayed up all night hoping to sleep during my 8 hour flight, but I couldn’t.  I’m a light plane sleeper and had the drunk crazy German lady in the seat in front of me and a kicking kid beside me.  And the few times when I could dose off someone would walk down the aisle and bump me.  We landed a 5:00am German time and rode down the autobahn to my Uncle’s house.  My expectations for the autobahn was pretty high.  I was blown the road wasn’t a large 4 lane high way with fresh, smooth asphalt.  It felt like I-95 with all the potholes and was narrower.  One thing I am digging is the speed but not as fast as the thought, prob because of the potholes and every car is either a VW, BMW, Mercedes, or Audi.  And different versions of them.  Here are pictures of us driving on it.

As I type this the time is only 11:00 am here and 5 am there.  My goal is to stay awake until 7-8pm to get my sleep schedule on European time.  It’s going to be hard.  So I’m blogging to past time.  Everyone else is sleep.  Check out the view for the home office I’m working from.

Also I went to the store to get breakfast bread.  Bread overload, every meal so far had a lot of bread and cheese.  And then I see why…

The guy at the store was the first friendly German person I have met, that’s not family.  Everyone else has been rude and un-courteous.  Having a slightly southern upbringing it’s not cool to me.  The lady in front of me in the plane keep throwing her trash under her seat where my feet were even after looking and seeing my feet and the stewardess saying that feet are suppose to be under the seats.  The stewardess were rude too on several occasions.  The guys at customs was throwing passports back at people.  Can only keep being nice to people but for so long, then when in Rome do as the Romans.

ok, I’m done for now maybe I’ll take a nap, it’s only 11:30.