Bad Boy 4 Life

In current pop culture news, it looks like rapper Shyne will be deported after being released from prison.  If you don’t who the guy is, you probable not a Bad Boy Music Label fan, any time in the last 12-13 years.  Shyne was a young promising rapper from the streets of NY that sounded a lot like Notorious BIG, Biggie.  *Dateline, Signal the Musical Child Predator* Puff Daddy, Puffy, P-Diddy, Diddy, Sean Combs the music business tycoon behind one of the greatest rapper of all time B.I.G. got wind of a guy sounding like Biggie and signed him under his music label, Bad Boy.  Puff took him under his wing like he does most of his young artist to groom his career.

At this time Puff was the luckiest dude in America, more than the President, he was dating and hopefully tapping (can’t assume he’s not a Decepticon) the most famous booty in America, Jennifer Lopez.  So one night they go to a night club and NYC and of course shots are fired.  Someone was hurt, Puff and Latin Booty flee the scene.  Scandal.  Puff and his Biggie Pokémon are arrested.  Police say Puff and Shyne both pulled guns in a “dispute” after a person disrespectfully threw money at Big Daddy Dollars Mr. Combs.  Shyne’s dumb ass fired and shot someone in the face.  Puff’s driver says Diddy tried to bribe him in to taking his gun.  The same driver who later takes Puff Daddy to civil court and gets a settlement (for you Michael Jackson and OJ Simpson people ;-) means he was guilty, right???). 

Here’s where my opinion comes in.  They both get the same charges against them but like a smart guy, Puff ( the rich guy of the two ) get another lawyer.  He buys the greatest lawyer on earth, at the time, Johnny L. Cochran Jr.  I would too, if I had the money.  And Shyne was left to fend for himself in court.  I would of thrown Shyne some money for a lawyer upgrade, that’s a rich me.  Smart for Puff but it may not be the most loyal (street) thing to do either.  Even drug king pins give their best guys and friends money and access to their favorite lawyers, if only so the don’t snitch.  But Diddy is too pretty to go to jail, and not a “street” dude.  I thought he did Shyne kind of dirty in saving his own ass.  I mean, one, you are the rich one of the two.  Two, you supposedly took the guy under your wing and befriended him to the point of loyalty.  Also most like a father figure to that young man.  Finally, the guy got in trouble defending you!  Sure it was a dumb way of doing it, but not like you wasn’t involved in it too.

Shyne being the stand up guy (and street) that he is, he didn’t turn on Diddy.  He plead guilty and didn’t testify against Combs.  Of course, Diddy beat the case with his super lawyer.  One juror actually said Diddy was guilty but the prosecution couldn’t prove it’s case.  Why wouldn’t that work for Shyne too?  He was up for the same charges, was standing right beside each other???

Was Shyne guilty, yes.  And so was Diddy.  The people outside the courthouse protesting and claiming his innocents are retarded.  They didn’t know he was innocent, they just like the guy.  He’s popular, that’s all they know, and like his music.  They don’t know him personally.  Most of the people that was on his label don’t think nicely of him.  A real friend or someone who cares about you will tell you when you are wrong and not just overlook it. And fans will not.

I do like when people beat the justice system designed to work against them, but it doesn’t change the fact they were wrong.  It is also troubling that the justice system is not the same for someone with money verses someone without.  Now the poor kid from the streets, Shyne was not a US citizen.  He carried a green card.  He been in the country since early teens.  Typical immigrant story of a poor family saving up to bring the rest over to America for a better life.  It’s sad the family dream was almost greatly achieved with Shyne getting a record deal and famous mentor (who brought the world one of the greatest rappers of all time) then only seeing it being locked away or put on hold.  Shyne could still be a great rapper and make millions, but the problem is - he is not a citizen and committed a felony, he must go.  Seriously, I am all for this law!  We should not have criminals as a US import, we have enough home grown ones.  But is Shyne special, should he be allowed to stay, because people “like” him?  No.  He is in fact no different from any ol’ Hector.

I commend the guy for being tough through prison (and not snitching when he easily could taken down the music mogul) and I think he is a good/alright rapper but just winning a popularity contest is not enough in my book to be above the law.  Also, he is a rapper and well known, he has a much better chance at a fulfilling life overseas than some poor knucklehead with no education does.  He doesn’t NEED to live here, would just LIKE to.  He can still make music, shit the internet don’t care what country you are in.  Shyne is just a victim of stupidity, idol worshiping, and Diddiness.  For that, I feel bad for him.  I’m sorry he was a talented guy that crossed paths with Puff Daddy.  I think Puff should of had him take the Nationalization test while he had him under his wing too.  I mean he grew up here, why not?! 

I also feel sorry for the families that were hurt in the shooting.  For that reason, Shyne doesn’t not get a free pass.  He hurt people.  Those families should not have to see him and Diddy grinning and hopping down the street of NYC on a shopping spree (Not that they ever would, Shyne hates Diddy now).  Shyne should put a hit out on Diddy for ruining his life, since he can’t come back to America anyway…just a thought.

I think we all can learn a lesson from Shyne’s story.  Want to support him, then buy his music on itunes when it comes out so he can make money still –and pay back the civil suit he lost to the families that were hurt in the shooting.  Just please don’t argue he is innocent or should stay here because he is not and shouldn’t stay.  We have enough popular “bad boys” already.

Pet Peeve #3: Special People Type A

To me there are two types of special people. Type A – people that think they are special and Type B – people that are retardedly special.  Let’s be honest, to be called special now-a-days is not a good thing anymore.  I can’t stand Type A Special People.

These are the people that act like the world owes them something.  They are amazed when they have to pay for something, which always costs “too much”, because everything for them should be free.

They don’t believe rules apply to them.  I hate playing games with rewards and consequences with these people.  They are the ones that will join in drinking games and refuse to drink.  You don’t have to play!  Sit your monkey ass out, if you don’t feel like drinking anymore.  If everyone else is drinking because they lost, what makes you special?  You only want the rewards, you selfish, self-centered bastard. It’s like you joining us in a bank robbery but not wanting to go to jail when you get caught.  If you don’t like jail then don’t participate, you knew before you started what happens when you lose. …“the cake and eat it too”

They don’t like waiting their turn in line.  No remorse for cutting in front of people.  Because once again, rules don’t apply to them. Especially, social rules.

They don’t say thank you when you hold doors for them, because that’s like asking them to pay for a service they are using; even with simple words of gratitude for not letting the door hit them in the face for which they would later dog you out for not holding the door for their special ass.

One telling fact is no matter what, if these special people tell it, they are 99.9% of the time never wrong and it is always someone else's fault or excuse riddled tales.

You can tell these people by the two simple assumptions they make:

1. The rules don’t apply to them, but work for them.
2. They should never be required to be grateful.  Because they are God’s gift to the world and the world owes them.  Even though they could die this moment and 99.98% of the world wouldn’t give a damn.

You know theses people and are friends with them.  You might even be one without realizing people see you as one.  Ask yourself how often it is someone else’s fault or how often you believe stuff should be given to you (like how often you complain about paying for something).  Do you try to sneak, slip, or get around systems?  Do you back out, renege on your word (say you would participate and then back out) because you don’t want to and find excuses?  You are one of those special assholes.  I bet money, you get mad when someone calls you out on it, because you are in fact a special person and are never in the fault.

Most Overrated: 1. Duke 2. Paris

Hey, I’m back in front of a PC! yay blogging time.  I’m get hated on for this one, but it’s ok.  So let me catch yall up.  Monday, I caught the first train out of Kassel, Germany to Paris, France.  I had to catch two trains, the first one was cool minus the morning commuter crowdedness.  The ICE train in Germany, lovingly called the bullet train.  But the second French train to Paris was the worst.  Small and mildew smelly.  Also is was packed, knees to knees.  Two buzz cut French punk looking dudes thought they was slick sitting in our seats, I don’t think the spoke english but they knew what I meant when I said those are my seat, you need to bounce.  They move across the aisle to what was probably their tight ass seats bunned with a grimy looking guy.  They was blown, I can tell because they had no room- knees touching, fidgeting, and shooting cold looks over at us.  Whatever, we go hard.

So as we got off the train, it was clear Paris is nothing like what we have been seeing in Germany.  The diversity was apparent.  Let’s be honest for a second there is a about 6 templates of the majority of German residents.  Like the Sims or a video game, you have several base types and you make small variations to them so your avatar looks different from the next person, but they all loosely look a like.  But Paris has the diversity that maybe only New York City can come close to.  It felt good.  And the people were nicer and not staring at me like there was a problem.

After checking in to our leaning hotel, the building didn’t lean, just the floors, we went to a hole in the wall restaurant near by.  The people in there was eating some kind of eggs and mayo dish and something that looked like mud.  But we played it safe and order chicken and sausages.  Sausage in normal non-fancy Paris must mean hotdog, because that what it looked and tasted like.  But it was bad, actually it was pretty good for a hotdog with no bun.  And every dish had french fries with it.  Come on, Paris, have to do better.

Because of our 3 countries in 3 days schedule we only had hour to do a lot so decided to take a tour bus, but the catch is that the tour bus locations wasn’t anywhere near our hotel.  Looking at a map and being city folks ourselves we decided to walk to.  Item on the map appear closer than they are.  But it also gave us an opportunity to get a feel for the city and people that roam it.

The tour bus was cool but GPS audio sucked and mistimed. So didn’t know what I looking at a lot of the time.  We had the option of getting off and checking out places but wasn’t on our side and was content with taking pictures from the bus.

After the tour, I had to go back to the hotel I was feeling pretty bad, my cold was at it’s worst part.  I was on top of the tour bus in the open air and it was cold and windy.  Also it threaten to rain a couple of times.  I rest for a while until the family came back the room and then decided to eat and run to the pharmacy to get something for my cold.   Because it was my parents 35th wedding anniversary, we want to eat somewhere nice.  Found several fancy looking places but picked the one that had France in the name.  Good move.  The place was great and food was amazing.  I decide to not play it safe and try new dishes so I got a duck appetizer and rabbit smothered in some kind of amazing creamy sauce with cook vegetables.  The rest had lamb chops and chicken.  Tasted each others food but everyone agreed I was the winner with the rabbit.

Pictures:

Video:

Now if you are a Paris lover then you would want to stop reading because I about to go on an unfocused rant about what’s wrong with Paris.

Paris has a lot of hype around it.  It’s a major city in the world.  As I left the train station, I thought that this is what New York would look like if placed on Mars and it was never cleaned up by the mayors.  It is hard to formulate my thoughts so let me try doing it in a list.

1. There is an odor.  They got the same NYC trash issue, that shit is on the sidewalk in front of the buildings.  So you know the rats ain’t far away. Paris is dirty.
2. Related note: The pigeons.  Them flying rats are everywhere and ain’t scared of people.  Shitting on everything.  Their number is in the millions.  I walked past the area where there was a nice arch building (would be photo op) but I couldn’t take a picture for several reasons, but the pigeons was one. There was hundred of them there.  Who the f**k is feeding them?  And it stunk over there because there was a dead pigeon in the middle of them rotting. The city needed to remove the dead animals in the middle of a heavily populated sidewalk.
3. The questionable people.  I started to question myself because I smelled a dead bird with a stuffy nose yet people was chilling in the square like there was nothing wrong. ???  Am I missing something, how could people post up and eat around a hundred pigeons and a funky ass dead animal smell?
4. Unfashionable people.  I know Paris is the fashion capital of the world.  It was clear because the people there was “trying” to do their part.  I seen rack of girls and funny guys put together some outfits.  BUT for having 600 hair stores in 3 blocks why wasn’t there one decent weave in a 30 mile radius?  I’m not a weave expert but I know what don’t look good.  The Dominicans need to set up shop in Paris.  Your clothes can be the freshest but you are, not just look, busted if your hair ain’t right too.  The African women had the messed up synthetic weaves and the racial mixed girl had nothing going on with theirs.  You know what I mean, the poor little mixed girls caught between worlds.  No one showed them or took them to a hair dresser, so they got the thicker than straight hair but try to style it like you got the easy to work with it hair.  Some call it “The White Mom” syndrome because it’s common for a White mom with a black or mixed child not to know how to control her child’s hair.  Anyway, I seen a rack of that.
5. African Men.  They are scary.  Straight terrorist.  The way they was acting I would want them out my country too (Germans, but later subject).  There is a gang of them just wandering the streets with no job, all trying to hustle.  30 bammas can not all be holding down one corner or stoop.  Yall over perfumed motherf**kers need to spread out.  When I see that many broke people gathering in one spot, I get scared too.  Normally, I would take a picture or video of foolishness like that but they was everywhere like project roaches.  I was scared to pull out anything of value.  I mean, I can take on 2-3 dudes if they tried to rob me, but I don’t know about a village or a tribe.  My hands ain’t that good.  I don’t know what they were hustling or trying to do and I wasn’t trying to find out.  I walk about 5 blocks through African territory ( main streets too, from Boulevard de Strasbourg to Galleries Lafayette) mean mugging, like I ain’t one of you, don’t say anything to me.  So for the most part I wasn’t harassed like other people walking the street.  But I did make the mistake of making eye contact with this one dude, he asked me what did I need.  I said I only speak English, he was like I speak English too.  He had some type card in his hand.  I said, I’m good and walked off.  But the thing that took the cake and really upset me was that their was like 40 African dudes standing in front of the Subway entrance waiting for people to walk out, I know was scared for them.  This one young lady walked out and they got aggressive, cat calling and following and reaching.  Like that was going to make her interested in any of them.  Where was the police?  Man, in DC it’s safer to kill a local than harass tourists.  They don’t play when it comes to the image of the city.

In all, Paris has a lot of history and other things to offer but it’s not as great as people make it out to be.  The potential is there.  But they need a good mayor to clean up the city like NYC.  Hide the homeless, clean up the trashy buildings, and reduce crime and traffic.  They need standards.  Because it’s Paris they take it for granted.  People will always want to come, but the hotel situation needs to be addressed.  The city hotels are almost always sold out like here in DC but they ask for top dollar for subpar rooms.  Maybe people give them a pass because it’s Paris, or Europe, or whatever, but the hotels need to earn their star ratings.  Fix the buildings up too.  Hey but at least the food is good.  That’s something good I can say about Paris, they have really good food even if the table is wobbly and the plate is dirty.

Gangstas Don’t Wear Skinny Jeans

Last Saturday after some amazing seafood in Annapolis, I went to the movies with America’s favorite newlyweds, Chalmer and Crystal.  The closest theater on our way back to DC was Bowie; so we went there.  When we get there is a gang (slang for a lot) of little youngins.  It looked like school just let out and they all were hanging around.  My thoughts were: there are no adults out here and all these boys have on tight ass jeans.  Not a normal or baggy pair in sight.  It felt like the Twilight Zone.  I ain’t around high school kids that much and ones I do see are in VA and Mo County mostly.  I don’t think the epidemic is as bad there as in DC and PG County.  And dreads, high tops, and tight jeans is an epidemic.  They are like zombies all looking the same, just slightly different looking faces.  Ghetto smurfs- all with the same uniform just different names.  I agree with Crystal, I feel sorry for the younger girls; their pickings is slim.  I see why the lesbian option is starting younger and more frequently.

As good luck would have it, we missed the 9:00 3D showing of Final Destination by 10 minutes and had to get tickets to the 11 show.  This was cool because one of Crystal’s girlfriends decided to meet up with us.

In the lobby of the movie theater I saw a bomb ass display of DMV’s own Taraji Henson looking sexy.  But you should of seen my face when I read Tyler Parry’s name on it.  Chalmer saw my face and asked me what was wrong.  I said it’s a Tyler Perry movie, I was blown because I like Taraji Henson.  He understood.  I will save my Tyler Perry rant for another day, too tired to deal with the fan girls what will defend his bamma ass.

To past the time, we walk over to Friday’s and grab a spot at the bar.  Well, two of us do.  I’m not going to talk about the lady holding up a spot at bar waiting for a date that will never come.  Kind of felt bad for her even though I was talking about her ass like a dog for holding up that spot for 2 hours while people had to stand.  …But she had hot date, or what was suppose to be a hot date.

Friday’s was cool because they had $4 margaritas, long island, and mojitos. So you know we was getting it in.  And I had to get a sundae after smelling all the fudge from Annapolis’ Main Street.  But speaking of fudge and I don’t judge.  Two dudes came in to the bar and sat on the other side of us.  One looked like TI and the other, like a generic dark skinned bald head, big muscles dude with a tight ass polo; gym, model type.  The came in together but sat with a good size gap between them.  It was larger than one between Me and Chalmer and Crystal and her girlfriend, Kia,while we was talking.  So TI’s ordered drink comes it’s tall ass frozen strawberry something and little big man in a tight ass shirt get a glass of light purple/pink wine.  I turn to Chalmer and go, “They gay.”  At the same time Kia and Crystal are discussing the same thing in their convo and turn over to us and we all know we was talking about the same thing and bust out laughing.  But they was cool and silent.  I think they were either boys or on awkward ass date.  Because they didn’t talk to each other the whole time at the bar and then we saw them later together in line waiting to get in to see the movie.  Who had a worst night? Them or the chick that got stood up?

On the way back to the theater, we see a bunch of cop cars and kids scattered like insects talking to each other.  So we overhear that there was a fight.  Instantly, I’m upset that I missed it. LOL I had my flip cam on me too.  So we walk pass and the police got all the kids involved lined up on the curb.

Here’s my thing, the Hard Questions, how are you going to be gangster in middle of nowhere and in tight ass pants?  Look at what happened, they all got caught.  Let’s be honest, back in the day when we got in a fight, we got away and didn’t get caught by the police.  One, you don’t stick around afterwards.  But I guess because it was Bowie and no one lives in walking distance to ANYTHING.  So they might of gotten caught by waiting for their ride.  Two, even if they wanted to run from the police or the gang of boys wanting to beat yall up, they couldn’t because their pants are hanging below their ass and too tight to stretch.  The physics for running is impossible.  Gangstas don’t wear skinny jeans because you can’t do gangsta shit in skinny jeans.  That’s why loose pants, Tims, and an old easy to tear wife beater is the uniform of choice. LOL

Old and Cute and Please Don't Shoot!

This is a video blog I recorded at Happy Hour with Allison. Here is the Twitter qoutes: "umm, can you really be old and cute? don't you have to switch to another word?" and "This is one good ass reason for gun control! How is this allowed at a protest rally?! http://bit.ly/36NgQv" And here is Chris Matthews interviewing that clown. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/11/chris-matthews-to-town-ha_n_256952.html

Science vs Religion

This is a rant I started before Christmas on my cell phone and never really finished and posted...and then my phone broke and it was lost. But I shall try to remember...

Several months ago, I saw on the News an atheist group was trying to purchase ad space on the Metro buses during the holiday season to promote their anti-religion message. To be honest, that's fine with me. They have that right. But the funny thing is, when interviewing the spokesman for the group he stated as a reason for the trying to share their message is "because Christmas is our holiday too." I know Christmas is greatly commercialized, but come on?! Maybe I'm too literal but doesn't the "Christ" in Christmas a huge tell? And the holiday season is set of holiday days that in close proximity - Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and New Years. I'm not in the business of questioning white people's African heritage but that's what Kwanzaa is all about. Since he was a spokesman for atheist group I figure he is not really down with Hanukkah and Christmas really. Both both of them are historic religious holidays. No religion, no Hanukkah or Christmas...and no Holiday season - just New Years.

But this is a tell of something that urks me. People that complain about religion but don't know what they are talking about. I can respect anyone that speak intelligently about what they believe and think even if I don't agree. But if you really don't know what you are talking about...then you are a buster.

I hate it when someone complains about religion and look down on people that have religious beliefs like they are smarter than them. Frequently, they say I believe in science. Really??? Science is something you need to believe in? Let me say you can't compare apples and oranges, smart guy. It's like arguing the the Chess club in high school is better than the Track team. They don't compare. Science is a study and Religion is an institution - by definition of the words! There isn't an institution of science that's not a religion. The funny thing is that these so called smart people fail to realize is that when you compare things they need to have properties in common in order to compare them. Religions provide a set of values, beliefs, and practices based on something. I don't know of any values, beliefs, or practices in a person's life that are defined by science. And science is knowledge gained through learning and observation. I have never seen the scientific method used when practicing a religion.

The problem is that many outspoken opponents of religion do not truly understand what religion is and make the ignorant comparison to science. They don't grasp the concept of religion. Ok, I get it. You don't want to believe in something you don't have proof of. But that isn't all or the only point of religions. All religions have a multiple purposes and if you truly understand that then you understand both science and religion have purpose and point and it's not science vs religion but science and religion. THEY ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

My 'A' is a Vowel and My Minute is Long

The other day I had the most disturbing conversation that I have had in a while, worst than arguing with my strongly opinionated republican boss about how much of a piece shit that Joe the Plumber is. Maybe my logic is off, please let me know. Sit back kids and let me tell you a story. For the minute now, I have had a friend that from the very moment I have met them I felt comfortable talking to. No reservations or second thoughts. Talking to them, it felt completely natural and safe. So for a long time they was one of my always available listeners that I had no problems confiding my stories to them. A trust not easily given away but just felt natural so I did. So what is the problem you say? The problem was my assumptions. I assumed that they were a listener and it never occurred to me that they were also a story teller. Or would retell my stories. Because they never really told me stories, just listened to mine. A one way street. It didn't occur to me that they would share my stories. So when it came to my attention that one of my stories was told and how it came out, it was shocking and upset. I didn't like it so I said how felt about it but I never ever thought it was trust breaking issue. But somehow it took a nasty turn. If I tell a story, in my words then an a is a vowel and a b is a consonant and a minute means a long amount of time. All that I asked was to understand that and remember that when I tell my stories that my a's are vowels, b's are consonants and a minute still means a long time. When someone else tells their own stories it's their own dictionary and rules. I thought that was simple and easy enough to respect, I do and would do the same for anyone else. Respect their wishes. But my friend told me that they don't think that a is always a vowel and a minute is not that long, and that it's not a big deal because they don't think it's that important to honor that in my stories. That's where the fight was. They told me, since they don't think a is always a vowel and a minute is that long, basically, I can't expect my story to maintain it's integrity. And if I wanted that then I need to explicitly say to them keep my a's as vowels and my minutes meaning long. That is a problem for me. How can I trust someone to maintain the integrity of my words if they don't believe or even willing to acknowledge or respect my rules in the stories that I have? Maybe their a's are consonants, I can respect that, but my a's are always vowels and my minutes always mean a long time. And constantly having to say please treat my a's as vowels and my minutes as a long time does not make a person someone you want to share with because it makes you feel like you can't relate or trust them. There is a fundamental disconnect. If every time I needed to speak to a person but I am required to say "Do you understand?" basically means that they don't understand and it needs to be re enforced. And over time you don't want to speak to them because it's too much trouble and it feels uncomfortable even speaking to them because they never really understand. And sadly the fact of the matter is that I enjoyed speaking with them and now I have that doubt in my mind of my words losing their integrity which can easily make someone, untrusting like myself, more cautious to share them. So what does one do about that? You become careful about the stories you tell, you filter. You don't share stories that has a's in them. Because we have been close, I really don't want to have to do that. But if they are going to stand by that ideology that a's are whatever they think it should be even when coming out of my mouth, unless I explicitly say so, makes that person someone that could be problematic to deal with and also makes you feel like you should not be sharing stories with them because in their mind your story is already misinterpreted. I think the primary reason the conversation did not end well was because they full heartily couldn't see an a as a vowel and they thought I was trying label them as a bad person or being worst than I am because I treat an a as a special character instead a regular consonant. That was never my intent, it was never about who's right and who's wrong. It was about how I expected my words to be handled and interpreted. I don't think that is unreasonable to expect that, especially since all this time we have been able to enjoy a trusting relationship where my stories were not retold incorrectly. There is no one person that is right and the others is wrong. There is no negotiations and terms of agreement to need to be made for us to have a good relationship with words. It is a simple matter of trusting someone and sharing a respect level both ways. What is disturbing is that I thought we had that, only to discover that it doesn't matter how I speak my a's are not always vowel and my minute don't mean a long time even as only a particular weirdness to me when it comes to this person. And that stubbornness and lack of respect for my stories and their integrity hurts and feeds the anger of any betrayal regardless if we are talking about a's, b's, c's, or z's. Here's the hard question, would you still grant someone the same level of trust with your words when they, to their core, disagrees with you and refuses to see or acknowledge that you have your own rules that relate to your own words? How do you handle a disconnect of meaning?

Don't Drink and Post

9/11... I woke up to George Bush's simple looking mug this morning. They was opening the new pentagon 9/11 memorial to the public. And to be honest it was a reminder that we are living in a post 9/11 time frame. It's depressing if you ask me. After the attacks we had a unique opportunity to bring together the world and address the Islamic fanaticism. But our elected government fucked it up, by changing it's focus to another country and for other unknown reason's which to me wasn't as prudent as finding the assholes that killed the American citizens that did nothing but go to work that day. I mean how bad can you drop the ball? It's been seven long ass year and no Osama Bin Laden. I mean he is the second most recognizable person in the world, behind Michael Jackson. I don't understand how people give the folks in charge another chance to fuck up some more shit. Shit, Dog the Bounty Hunter would have found him by now and tried to save him with Jesus. Also 9/11 is a reminder to watch out for the haters in the world. I mean come on, I likes haters. I get it. The world needs haters, to let people know that others are jealous of what they are doing. But the Al-Qaeda are on a whole other level. Despite whatever reason they give they are certified haters. They are the worst type of hater, they don't hate just on individuals and styles but the hate on countries. How did your hate of Israel turn into the hating on the US? Your hating knows no limits! They hate that our woman look hotter not wearing dark table cloths (I've been happy hour drinking, I might regret this post). They hate on our freedom to enjoy our lives. That's some real hating right there. Jealousy causes the hating. They secretly/subconsciously wish they could live the American dream like the rap videos. Money, G4 planes, global love from the people, and big booty woman. If they could, fighting over the deserts of Israel wouldn't be shit next to regular young pussy. Al-Qaeda's priorities are fucked up. Yall need some freedoms like smoking( I'm against drugs but them motherfuckers need to calm down with that jihad shit), alcohol, and pretty looking women. I'm not saying their woman don't look good, I'm saying you should be able to enjoy God's gift to man...women. Unwrap them bitches(the phrase, not say they are really bitches...I love all women). You have a nice car, do you keep it in the garage to collect dust or do you wash it, shine it up, and take it on the town? Sure people may want your car, but it's yours. Jealousy, man. If you have a pretty and hot girl, treat her right and show her off. Pull the haters out, what are you scared of? If that's your girl, she coming home with you! Pull the haters out, expose them. Jealousy's a motherfucker, you weak jealous motherfuckers! If you a jealous motherfucker, you just a weak motherfucker! See when you on top, motherfuckers just wanna bring you down! Motherfuckers don't even know you, and they don't like you.. Y'all motherfuckers live off of negativity. What y'all niggaz need to get through your motherfucking heads is that, y'all fuckin' with some niggaz that's on a higher motherfucking level -- we don't give a fuck about what you think about; less how you feel about us; what you got to say about us we going keep doing our motherfucking thing from now till the year three thousand bitches! You can't breathe, you can't sleep, you can't eat without thinking about us! Without thinking about us to the end! We gonna kill you heartless motherfuckers! -Diddy on Notorious B.I.G.'s song My Downfall. That shit is on the soundtrack to my life!!!

The State of the William Address 2006 (the shakedown version)

Greetings, my people. This has been a busy year for your boy, Will Wash. A lot of good things have happened since the last address. I have accomplished some of my life goals, met new people, and grew as person. Many of you were with me along the way and I love you for that. This is an official thank you. So let’s get started.

Here’s a Metro story. I was on the train because my car was in the shop. Ya’ll know my joint is three spinner hub caps away from being a big wheel. You remember those joints? Now they were tight. You used to stand on the back of it and kicking with one leg coasting down hills. Even the fattest boy in the hood would take a turn on the big wheel. It was made strong. Kicking on it, had that one leg real strong after a while. Imaging riding one of them to work instead of a car or bike, that one leg would be strong as shit. You’ll have one Popeye leg. One muscle leg, one chicken leg – a carry-out two piece.

Anyway, I was on the subway. I sat next to this girl that looked real professional-like. When I say professional-like, I’m not talking about 14th street professional. Not a “where my money at bitch”, but more like a DC area bougie girl. I try hard to avoid bougie people in my life. Seriously, I rather talk to the crazy homeless guy that prefers to shadow box at bus stops and wears a permanent cologne that smells like stale calamari, then hold a conversation with someone that thinks they are truly better than me. I’m not always in good mood but I was and I didn’t want to judge so I tried to make small talk. Long story short, she had attitude. I asked her what she did for a living. She said was Secret Agent and couldn’t talk to me. So I told her she must suck because she wasn’t very secretive. I had to carry her because back she tried to carry me. Fucking smart asses. Boy and girl, today’s lesson is don’t be a smart ass. Fuck her.

Often I have been described as being an angry man. I do have a little angry in my life, but I’ve narrowed it don’t to the exact group of people I don’t like. Others. It’s everybody other than me. Like the guy or gal, that can’t say a simple “thanks” when you hold the door for them. Those people are dicks. Like me holding the door open for them is a given. Like, I am supposed to be that chump that is in charge of holding the door for assholes. Come on, who was your mother? Was she some kind of animal? Were you raised by a wild trash digging raccoons? We civilized people say “thank you” when someone does something nice for us. Fuck ‘em.

A lot of times it the little things at get to you. Like when you say something like, “Hey, I like your shoes, where you get those from?” And they give you some bullshit answer like, “Oh, they don’t make these anymore.” What?! That ain’t what I asked your ass. What you scared, I’m going to buy some? Or they’ll say like “you can’t buy them in the US.” What kind of shit is that? Bitch I ain’t trying to be your twin. People acting like is beyond me. Why do people hate for no reason, shit like that pisses me off. Well, I got news for you. I can go into any deli and order a club sandwich AND, get this; I’m not even a member. AND they even give me a pickle and an extra cut in the sandwich. How you like them apples. So, fuck you.

People can be real simple sometimes. I went in to a store. And I asked the lady behind the counter (in English) how much for a bottle of water? She says two and then proceeds to raise up two fingers towards me. I’m like wtf (what the fuck), I’m a geek so I actually said W.T.F. Now, was I so retarded that I needed to her visually show me the number two? It wasn’t like she was throwing up the peace sign either, that would be cool. I never claimed to be really smart or anything, but come the fuck on. Maybe that’s how she remembers the prices, on her fingers. I feel sorry for her then. What if it was $1.50? Was she going to do stick up one finger and half the middle? Fuck her, too.

Let me get serious for a minute and hit a topic I never covered in any of the other State of the William Addresses, finding your mate. Ohhh, touchy subject…yea, I know. Don’t worry this is not be a list of what I looking for, because I really don’t know, except you have to a natural born woman – no after Thursday’s surgery I’ll be woman then type shit. For the slow people, basically, no chicks with dicks. Now, I’m not knocking it because some people like it (Flava Flav), but it just ain’t for me. I need to talk to all the people out there saying that there say they need a “good” man or woman. Don’t jump ahead of me. I’m got going to say there is no good men or women out there, I going say you need to stay away from them. Don’t be messing them up with your problems. If you ain’t a good catch then why do you need a good catch? Let the good men and good women get together and have good families. People stop messing up happy homes. Your ass need to be with other fucked up people like you. If your ass has issues like trust, mental instability, or criminal tendencies, stay away from the good people! Don’t bring them down with you. You know their good ass is going to try to save you.

To many people think they are good catches when they are not. First fellas, being light skinned when light skinned guys are in-style do not automatically make you a good catch. If you are crazy then you are not a good catch for anybody, period. Nothing runs a man away faster than a crazy woman. Granted crazy women do run the fastest, and that’s why there are a lot of these brothers sitting at home unhappy because they caught by a crazy woman. Having six college degrees don’t automatically make you a good catch, it just means you ass likes to read and it’s a warning that you might be know it all and everyone hates know it alls. People are not Scantron sheets and common sense is worth more points in the real world. And come on dudes having a good job don’t make you a good catch either. But it does put you about 5 miles in front of the guy without a J.O.B. Also these cock diesel independent women really threading a thin line. It’s great to be able to take of yourself, but some of yall sometimes take it too far. Bodybuilding is a quick way to scare away men. It’s nice you can pick up 180lbs…I guess. But if you really wanna be picking up stuff, you should go pick up another girl for him. Guys, being prettier than females don’t make you a good man, it’s makes you gay. If yall got to fight over the mirror in the bathroom, it’s not going to work. Remember, a man stills needs be a man. Let’s get personal for a sec, no kids. Sorry, but it’s that simple. There is nothing wrong with having kids, but to consider yourself a good catch you got to drop ‘em. No dude wants to take care of another guy’s kid. A real good guy will accept a woman with kids but you need to stay way from him. Good guys need to procreate with any other good woman to have kids that will grow up to be good people and instead of taking care of your bad ass kids who will grow up to be just like their daddy. Men like sex but a good guy can’t take on a Poke-cahontas or any of her tribe, the Hava-hoes. Finally, if you’re a dicktease then you’re the hated the most out of all and you should never consider yourself a good catch. If you ever gave a dude blue balls, I’m talking about you. Guns don’t kill people, blue balls kills people. Just know there is special place in hell for you beside Osama bin laden. Women with sex issues otherwise forces good guys to him look somewhere else eventually. The word is balance. If you don’t have balance your not a good catch. If you’re insecure, ain’t anybody trying to spend the rest of their life trying to make YOU feel good about YOURSELF. You need to help yourself (no pun intended). Having a rack of kids is problem. That means you got a lot of issues and bills. If you got multiple baby mommas, then you need to take whoever will take you and stay with her ass, retire the dicking around, and stop ruining the world with your seed. If you know you a dog then fronting like you a good guy. There are female dogs out there for the male dogs, they are called bitches. So you need to take your pitbull hunter ass on and stop ruining the females. If you are nasty then you know you’re wrong. If you never need to put tarter sauce on your fish sticks because you believe the tarter control in toothpaste selection is optional, you classified as a nasty sonabitch. Stay away from the good people. Also in that category is the women that let a guy get by with believing you were a freak because he found what looked to be like leopard print underwear in your room. But in reality, they were only just dirty. Girl, you are nasty. If fit in any of the descriptions, we should never hear you complain about wanting a good significant other, because you don’t deserve one. So, fuck off.

Your boy,
Will Wash

The State of the William Address 2006 (the re up version)

Greetings, my people. This has been a busy year for your boy, Will Wash. A lot of good things have happened since the last address. I have accomplished some of my life goals, met new people, and grew as person. Many of you were with me along the way and I love you for that. This is an official thank you. And in thanks, this year I’m not going to directly talk about any of your asses. Ok sorry in advance for not proof reading, I need to get this out before the New Year. So let’s get started.

Let’s talk vocabulary. I’m not a big fan of the new internet/text messaging languages these young people are using. Using the number 3 for the letter E and $ for S annoys the hell out me. I think my age is starting to show, because I’m starting to tell Al Bundy back in the day stories. I’m a child of the 80’s, so I hate anime. I like thundercats, he-man, and gi-joe. Anime is water down Japanese porn for pedophiles. It really is that simple. I don’t like the kids growing up watching that crap. No one has been able to explain to me why the cartoons have children faces with adult bodies. That just ain’t right. That’s on that Michael Jackson nonsense. And what hell is Dragonball Z? That show makes no fucking sense all. What the Japanese people find entertaining scares me. It just might be a country full of perverted men. It just might. As you can tell I’m not a Japanese crap whore. You know one of the immature adults that love everything Japanese.

Has been on any of nerd forum recently? Probably not. This is how they type: “OMG WTF N00B! ps3 and xbox 360 fanboys = gay. Wii will pwn3d them with teh nunckuk controller. I’m so 1337 with teh nunckuk.” This is not new stuff but gayness is on the rise. And I’m not talking about homosexuals; I’m talking about gay ass behavior from people like fanboys. A fanboy is a man or woman(fangirl) that is far beyond a simple fan. Basically, they are the ultimate dick riders. These the people that go to concerts and get near the star and faint, or start fights because someone doesn’t think their star is the great person to ever live. Now they are more noticeable because of the internet. Like Jay-Z, Beyonce, and Kobe got a bunch of them. I’m sure if one of their testicles was to drop too low, I’m sure one of these bitches will be there to catch it. I got news for yall fans they really suck. I can’t see myself sweating someone and I get nothing out of it. The only thing you should love without question is God. Fuck the stars. I loathe star struck people, they are Stans. Male groupies are the worst. People, please learn to separate the man from the music otherwise you look stupid liking something just because the star of the week made it. There is universal name for mindless creatures, “sheep.” Because all cultures know that sheep need guidance and they will follow anything.

Let me hit yall with some words and definitions because I know yall motherfucker is getting old like me. “Wrinkle your shirt” – to jack you up. A “goer” - A female that is very sexually active. “Lovin” - the act of talking on the phone or internet with a significant other or flirting with him/her. “Goose” - A goose is a person who acts different towards a particular someone of the opposite sex in certain social situations, like staring. One in the act of being a goose is thus, “goosing.”

Let’s talk, MySpace. It’s so big I don’t where to start. It is huge. At first I was against it. I was like, “I ain’t trying to pick up no 15 year old girls.” After find my boy Derek and his group on there, I signed up to be part of the “movement.” That’s all it takes. If you ain’t looking for people they will find you. Unfortunately, that mean stalkers too. I ain’t saying names because she’s still lurking in the dark corners of the internet, saving meaningless emails and posting ugly ass pictures that can only be classified as graphitti. The MySpace UMCP people know who I’m talking about, because apparently she was all of our friends, even though no one remembers her ass. But it is still good to link up with people I ain’t seen in years and see them doing well. Shout out to Keya and the all former Terp Cheerleaders. I think we all need to get a little of that “fear the turtle” money.

Not only has MySpace been a great tool for contact but it has been an endless source of entertainment. First off, I leave the best comments on people’s page. I challenge you to find someone better at it. Second, the music and videos are good time wasters and help me keep up the good shit. Home of Prison Break reshows, and off brand artists. I’ll hear someone on a mix tape and I can find the artist on MySpace, even the MySpace haters have to admit that’s kind of cool. It’s no secret that the artist themselves actual be using MySpace. The Game found his long lost sister on it. Finally, there is a million bammas on here. I mean “a gang of them.” This is a place where bammas can get their bamma on. Why did this one bamma steal Rick’s picture and tried to front like it was him. Using someone else’s picture to holla at girls online, who does that? Bammas, that’s who. Ok, here some more bamma shit. Big girls taking slick photos. Why all the weird camera angles? Using a camera phone to take a high 70 degree angle shot from the side, while not looking at the camera, what are you suppose to be doing? Modeling? Oh hell no. What models have you been looking at do that? One thing, models don’t have to hide their face. Stop misleading the other MySpace bammas, who I’m going to get on in a second. These same angle photo flick takers (I say flick, just for Meraf, because the rest of world say, pics. I like to compare it to Indian people saying G.B’s for gigabytes), are known for using the big girl cleavage to hide the jelly rolls and fat installations beneath. I’m hating on it, because it is smart to use camera tricks on medium to large size titties to hide the fact your fat in a photo. I can respect that, because everyone don’t know how to use photoshop to lie on photos. The reason these girls are hiding their big bonedness is to attract these other MySpace bammas called “Lovers.” They are not just on MySpace, I first seen these people on Black Planet and then Facebook, but MySpace has the largest collection of them. We called them Facebook Lovers. Because they be lovin’. If your profile says female then they wanna love you. They are the internet players and don’t care how you look. She can be 3 and a quarter feet tall with a linebacker neck, be rocking a peg leg with three fingers on one hand and four on the other, plus have half an eye and be missing the two big front teeth, and he will still leave comments on her picture like, “emm girl, you bringing sexy back.” or “look at you, all grown and sexy.” That IS just wrong! Who does that?! Bammas, that’s who. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on the handicap girl. I am really hating on the dudes that do that. Only say it, only if you know it and mean it. Plus, we all know there AIN’T ANYTHING sexy about missing fingers. I’m hating on anybody that displays that say anything for the pussy behavior. Because hyping shitty ass people DOES have it’s side effects. Some of us don’t deal well with ugly people acting like their cute (I’ll let a bitch know).

I hate a motherfucker ( it sounds like I’m beginning to rant) that thinks they’re God’s gift to the world, when we all know God only gave on two gifts, Jesus and me. Humility is an asset. Anyway, I can go on for days about MySpace, because I ain’t even started talking about the MySpace goers. I’ll have to save them whores for another day.

So many big things happened this year! The nation finally woke up and voted right. Flava Flav hooked up with a bruised up transvestite. If Deelishis ain’t a tranny with a phat ass then that’s one hella ugly ass girl and therefore Flava must be love. Go Flav with that “Jerry Springer love,” that type of love knows no boundaries like gender. Rumor has it Flav knocked up some other chick in between the Flavor of Love seasons. I guess he was on the prowl after Hoopz won and left him for better celebrity dick. Word you say? Word. Wikipedia, “After she won she left Flav she said in an interview that ‘It was a competition and everybody wanted to win’ At the reunion special they gave the reason ‘She's too busy’. She is also a supreme slut, she has had sexual intercourse with a number of rappers including Slim Thug from Houston Texas. Rumor has it that she has contracted AID's from her many sex capades. It is also said that hoopz is a supreme lesbian, and frequents herself from many different women.” I’m know, damn. Wikipedia is going on this one. I don’t know what to believe.

Brittany Spears got turned out and then came to her senses. Brittany got hit with an NBA hooper move. Fucked with a groupie and had a baby. Now that bamma is in there like swimwear for the rest of his life. It’s her own damn fault for messing with a dude that would drop his pregnant baby momma with the quickness. Anway before the break up, Brittany and Kevin was only one drug away from hitting Bobby and Whitney status. I could see Brittany’s ass high on TV talking about K-Fed was the King of Rap.

Racism seems to refuses to die. And I’m not just talking about Kramer’s crazy ass. However, Kramer’s rant did come out a little too smoothly for me to think that is wasn’t really in him. Racism is not dead; it’s just under the surface waiting to be unleashed. All the free flowing of the N word by everyone is bothering me too. I know use is freely, because one, I have the right. I am a descendant of American slaves and there is even some white plantation own blood in me too. Secondly, I can’t help it has been a part of my vocab for my entire life. But I am seriously reconsidering my language usage, because to many people don’t get it and a lot of foreigner pick it up without know the full meaning or history. And lets be honest, nothing pisses a person off more than someone else using a word wrong or having a vocabulary of word they don’t know the meaning of, that’s discombobulating.

Also look at the immigration issue. I’m not for letting aliens run around and impregnate humans with their alien seeds, that’s what Mulder and Scully were here to stop. but I see what I can only classify as hatred towards latinos people by some people. When you got a cushy office job at some TV show; I really don’t think your anger is about them stealing your job. Not to mention the Jews. You can kind see how silly racism looks in the Borat movie.

Truthfully, it’s about power. Now this all kind of goes back to the N-word. Some people in our country, I’m saying any group names, is used to being in power and having things their way. Also some new people to this country think that everything is equal, free, and up for grabs. Both are wrong. There is still stuff you can not say or do, just because you’re not allowed to or not suppose to- no reason needed. People think it’s a fair world but it’s not. Just because I say something doesn’t automatically mean, you’re allowed to say it too.

Double standards exist because of differences and past history. Just because a woman is allowed to almost everything a man is allowed to do, does not mean you treat a woman like a man. You still open doors and let women go first. It called double standards. Don’t be jealous because women get certain things their way, which is because men get other things their way. It’s a balance. I would like to blow a million dollars on one hand in blackjack but I can’t and it’s not fair that some other son of a billionaire can. But that is the world we live in. It’s not equally. If the world was fair then there would be no poor people and everyone would be equally educated.

So don’t be jealous that black people get to use the n-word because that is something that is, like it or not, part their (the African American culture and that’s not all black people either) cultural history. With being part of a group you get both positive and negative aspects of that group. So if you’re an outsider posing as an insider, what happens? You are disliked, rejected, or even hurt. Basically, using the n-word in certain audiences will get your face removed, so you don’t use it around them. It’s their word, it’s another name for them, but you don’t use it around them. However, you do use it at home or front for your friends. Take Paris Hilton, for example. We all know she’s a slut, but that’s not the point. It’s well documented that uses the n-word and has in the past referred black people as that, but she never uses it in their presence. And she has even came out and she has and will never say it in front of her best friend Nichole Richie. Is there not something wrong in that? That’s where the problem is.

It’s believe that other races want to use the word because Black people do and they are so cool and I wanna be cool like them. The most common excuse is, “they use it.” Let me hit you with the mom joint, “If Eric was jumping off a building, would you do it too?” No, why? I understand, African Americans are the most emulated people in the world you don’t have to do everything they do. I don’t see you asking the police to pull you over for no reason because you wanna be black. Back to my point about the n-word and power (I know I’m all over the place but that’s a State of the William Address), that word has power in both a positive and negative way. One thing is a given. It is unique because there no other words like it in the English language in regards to its power and. That is because of history. That is no other people in this country’s short history that went through what African Americans went through in the past 400 years. Some people had it rough here and bad else where, but it not same. Where did oppressed African American have to go to make a better life for themselves and children? There was no USA version 2 to immigrate to. And what did African American do? The over came their environment of slavery and not being treated a equal by the country, not just other people but the country and the laws. Yea, running to another country sounds like good option but their no other Americans to go to. Throughout African American history they have been oppressed until recently. Together American, meaning blacks and whites, has become a place of acceptance for all people. And there is an understanding among older black and whites that there are two different worlds with in our one world. We’d share some things and keep separate others.

Now a day, the US is no longer just black and white and that’s a good thing. But other groups of people and young people are try to make a place for themselves or fit in. More fit in. And these new Americans (meaning families that immigrated with in past 50 years or so) messed out on the negative times in this country’s history of race. And they don’t clearly understand why things are the way they are. This idea clear when the concept of being a minority is lost on a minority. Ask an Asian kid if he is a minority, they’ll probably quickly say no, like it’s a bad thing to be a minority. Ask the same question to a Latino kid and they say yes. This shows two things. One, race is not as big as it used to be. And that’s great. Two, the two main groups of just blacks and whites have expanded. Statically, if you’re non-white in the US you’re a minority. If you’re mixed, you are whatever you want to be except for white. Sorry, that’s the rules, your still a minority in the US. Latino tend to association along the lines of African American because to social and economic similarities. Basically, they relate through the struggle. Even though in some parts of the country statically Latinos maybe the majority, but they think and act as a minority.

This goes back to two different groups in America. Most kids have never experience deliberate racism and are not racist, but they still use racist words. That’s because they don’t know, ignorance. And that is a problem, because the so called times of racism in the US only ended 45-50 years ago. Meaning, the people that lived through it and dealt with is still alive and the past is not really the past because it really hasn’t past. So when it comes to the n-word, it all depends on not so much how it is used, but in who is using it. In a weaker logic it’s like the word bitch, cunt, or faggot except will more power and lesser global acceptance. Each of those words has restrictions on who should be able to use the word positively; such as gender and sexual orientation, but the distinctions of races are more volatile then either of those because of history racism in the US, which seems to be lost on the immigrants and young generations. How do we stop it? I don’t know, but I do know I still like have things that are just for me, because I know can’t have everything everyone else has culturally. I know I will never ever be able to completely relate to a holocaust survivor so I have to respect that. So when it comes to the n-word show respect. It’s that simple. Racism is not dead. Hip Hop is more dead than racism.

Enough of the real talk…Hold on. Who in the hell came up with the phrase “real talk”? I hate it. I feel like people that need to say real talk are liars. Because, one, they don’t normally tell the truth and now they need you to believe them. Or two, they really want to believe their lie and saying real talk to makes the lie more believable. I guess back are the days of, “I swear on my momma’s dead body.”

Your boy,
Will Wash

Cellphones

This is the first of many posts to be written by someone else. The post is done by my friend Chalmer. We see eye to eye on a lot of subjects and have a similar sense of humor so the quality of the posts should not change. Support my boy while I’m gone.

Cellphones

Here is my problem with them and yes I do own one if that is a concern of yours. Why do people act as if go out and do not bring one with you their must be something wrong with you. These things are not what rules your life and also as a friend states a part of your life. They are cellphones.

Cellphones is the topic and I know this topic is old and that there are enough topics about them but I am going to talk about them anyway.

Cellphones does have pluses. It can serve as a tracking device and it can help out in emergencies. Cellphones can be used in court to help out in your defense on a case against you. Cellphone conversations recorded and subpoenaed by federal courts in federal cases can get you off on a charge. it can be used as a location device to find individuals or to meet people at certain locations.

Cellphone negatives. Cellphones can be used as a tracking device. For those players, pimps, rollers, hoes, bitches, cheaters, fuck buddies, skanks, friends on the side, crazy ex-boyfriends and girlfriends, baby daddies and mommies, Tyrone, or Shanekas out there this is not good for you. They either call at the wrong time or your true mate starts to question who is calling you when the phone goes off around them. Or if your you are hanging with one of these individuals and your mate calls you either one of these individuals will blow up your spot or you do not answer the phone and that leads to more questions from your mate which leads to more lies and more drama etc.

For emergency - If I am in a bad car accident does any one think that am really going to reach for my cellphone to give them a call. Hell no. I am going to try to either sit still or try to get out by any means necessary rather than making a cellphone call. Look let me explain it to you. I call some one saying, " I got into a accident, I am dying, pleaseee help." What the fuck is the first thing they are going to do... You got it ask you a question, nigger I am dying. Instead of saying save your strength and not talk so you can actually live through this they want to asks you 101 questions and then you end up dying answering all their questions. This is not help!

If you are doing a crime I hope that your are not using a cellphone to discuss the details of that crime or soon to be crime. Otherwise, you are a dumb ass that deserves to get caught. Also, if you are around another individuals that has a cellphone they can hit this devilish little button that can record your conversations which can be used against you. So, please watch what you say around individuals, cause they can be setting you up. Camera phone is a subject i will not even get into because that can be a subject all on it own with crime. If you are doing crimes it is safe to say it is better to stay clear away from cellphones. Just a little advice.

Next, up I know many people will feel me on this one. But I know their will be haters or buttpimples to say the least that will say that they are excellent at driving and talking on the cellphones at the same time. But I am here to say your not. Cellphone drivers are almost as bad if not worst then Asian women drivers, old black men, bimbo drivers, epileptic drivers, and the too old to drive about to kill everyone on the street drivers. These people on cellphone cut you off drive down one way streets, speed while having these intense conversations, not caring about anyone but their conversations on the phone. They cross solid lines, run stop signs, red lights, drive extra slow, do not care about weather conditions, loose control of their vehicles trying to get their dropped cell phones, and the list can go on and on. Yet, people still think that they are great drivers using their cellphones. When you paying attention to other things your reaction time is slower, dumb ass. I know I speed and that is probably a understatement but I do not talk on the phone when I drive. If I do it is usually a 1-2 minute conversation.

Next is the status cellphone users as I will refer to them. These are the people that thinks that if they get a lot of calls on your cell phone that somehow makes them popular, the shit or whatever that means. No, that does not make you popular it makes you a mindless, rude, motherfucker. If your out hanging with your so called friends, and most of the time your on the phone, are you really hanging with your friends. Because if I was one of your so called friends I will tell you maybe you should be out with that or those people your talking to because obviously we are not fun to hang with. Which in fact they will probably would say, "your not as popular or fun or have a rack of bitches or dudes tring to be with you, so your hating on them." My answer is no. I keep my women in check, so they know not to blow up my phone or they actually have lives and have things to do.

State of the William Address 2005

Greetings, my people.

I know it’s been a long time since my last address. A nigga has been fairly busy, with not much to say. But I cannot let a year go by without an address because it just wouldn’t be right. If you are reading this then you might notice that it is not in the form of an email. I got this blog site now. Tight huh? No? Fuck you then. I love most technology. And this is some underground geek shit. As some of you know, I wanted write a book, but that is to much work for a nigga on an 8th grade writing level. So I started a blog.

A blog is a website for which an individual or a group generates text, photographs, video, audio files, and/or links, typically but not always on a daily or otherwise regular basis (Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blog ).

It can be used for headline news, entertainment news, or editorials. It’s like an online journal but not a journal or diary because they are pretty gay. Blogs are public forums for people to run their mouth. What I like about it is the multimedia aspects of the Internet. If you believe getting on the Internet is a great way to get on the net, then you deserve a “limp dick slap.” Please stop reading now; this site is not for you.

Now that the idiots are gone, have you ever heard of podcasting? No? That’s ok. I know niggas are new to com-pu-ters and they are easily confused by them.

Podcasting is a term used to describe a collection of technologies for automatically distributing audio and video programs over the internet using a publisher/subscriber model. It differs from earlier online collections of audio or video material because it automatically transfers materials to the user's computer for later consumption; it is one example of push technology. Podcasting enables independent producers to create self-published, syndicated "radio shows," and gives broadcast radio or television programs a new distribution method (Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Podcasting ).

What about the iPod? Do you know what that is? Yea- it’s the white walkman 50 cent had in his video. Anyway, iPods are mp3 players and they use iTunes software instead of windows media player. You can use iTunes to automatically subscribe to my page. Most bloging, podcasting, vlog sites are boring (except “The Family Guy”), but you definitely can see the potential for it to catch on. Personally, I like being able to combine text, audio, and video to give the full Will Wash experience.

First let give credit to Dan for the name of the site, “They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions.” The hard questions are the hows and the whys. The perfect example was earlier today when I was watching Maury. I know, I know… But it’s like watching a car accident; you just can’t look away. Anyway it’s was a ho-ish girl episode. This chick gets on TV talking about how she loves her boyfriend and they plan to get married soon but she had to tell a secret first. I know… I’m thinking the same thing, her ugly ass was lucky enough to get a nigga to promise marry her ass, she need to keep her mouth shut and run with it. But nah, she cheated and wanted him to know that the baby may not be his before they got married. Come on… Now she needed a “limp dick slap” too. Maury should have given it to her. But here is the hard questions; one, why are you telling him now on public TV? Two, if you love him so much why did you cheat on him? And why don’t you know who the real father is? Now you know, I got “the gift and the curse” of a wild imagination. I’m watching TV thinking, this bitch’s excuse has got to be good. Something like this, “Ray Ray never likes to try new things. I couldn’t help myself. I was over Craig’s and dem house, drinking and shit. Next thing I know, I got four guys standings around me their dicks outs. Each way different and they all look so good; so I had to try ‘em out. I counldn't help myself. The dicks were calling me. Ray Ray never invites his boys over to run trains on me. I just wanted to try something new, Maury.” And Maury loves up that ho-ish behavior. He’ll ask Ray Ray some shit, “How do you feel after 8 years of loving and paying child support on a little nigga that even yours?” The best part is how he asks the audience who the baby looks like, like there is an audience full of experts in baby looks. If I was Ray Ray, I’d be like, “Bitch. you lucky you ain’t take me on Jerry Springer. I’m fitting to whoop you and Maury’s ass up in here. Embarrassing me in front of my family and friends.” Maury really does deserve a punch in the face. Yes, in the face. A punch, right there, square in-the-face.

I think, I’m a pretty good tipper. I like to give 20% to 30%. I mean, come on, people are doing something I’m to lazy to do or don't want to do. I hate people that be like, “That their job.” Granted it, maybe it is their job but it also should be their job to treat you like shit for being you. I wish I had the opportunity, because that is what it is-an opportunity, to spit in somebody’s food or key his or her car for chumping me on a tip. I bet that shit feels real good. Let me ask yall this, should hookers be tipped for a job well done. I mean they are in service industry.

And why do people like Smallville? The show is stupid. I’ll tell you why I don’t like it. One, it’s a fucking soap opera. It’s like 90210 or Dawson’s Creek, it reeks of gayness. Secondly, they are fucking changing Superman’s history to meet their gaylike needs. This is on some geekynees but you got to be true to the comics. Fuck the TV audience if they are to stupid to read one line and look at the pretty pictures. Superman did not meet Lous Lane until he moved to Metropolis. Stop changing the history. Finally, Superman is a bitchass super hero anyway. The name Superman implies you are super. There is nothing super about that man. A real “super” man would whoop ass, this one doesn’t. Superman is always on brink of defeat before he comes back to win the fight. Triple H, The Rock, and the 1980's Hulk Hogan dominate more fights than he does. Shit Hulk Hogan body slammed Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania. Superman needs to get up on Hogan's level. A real “super” man has to be smart. Superman has never been that bright, he is constantly falling in to traps like a true dumb ass. A real “super” man would not be a pussy; he would beat up the pussy. Superman cannot even pull all the girls he wants. If he was a real super man there should be laws suits and criminal charges pressed against him by the millions of women crippled up in wheelchairs claiming he torn their back out. A real superman’s dick should be public enemy number 2, after Bin Laden of course, and illegal in 48 states. To tell the truth, I wouldn’t even want to be Superman; I'd be a better bad guy. And it’s too much pressure to live up to the Superman name. You have save people and shit. That’s to much pressure, plus I don’t even like most people. I’d have a Martin Lawrence/Dave Chappelle breakdown from all the pressure. Except, I wouldn’t go to Africa to clear my head up. No offense, but the Africa I see on TV is depressing. I’d go to the Philippines and stretch my dollar. I could get 10 pairs of Jordans, 3 whores that fuck for a buck and do something strange for some change, 2 mail order wives, and 3 months of the finest Cambodian breast milk all for 20 dollars. If you want a Black Friday deal, that’s what up.

Yall know, yall drove Dave Chappelle crazy, right. You people made him quit his show and I’m mad at yall for it. All of yall were on his nuts to hard. His body couldn’t take all the dick riders. The show was really funny but it wasn’t like it was the second coming of Christ. It wasn’t that serious. Imagine everywhere you go people are making the same lames ass jokes. He was probably wishing he never made the show. He had to leave the country just so he didn’t have to hear another motherfucker come up to him saying, “I’m Rick James, bitch!” We’re luck Dave didn’t kill somebody. Leave comedy to the professionals. And get over it, there are lots of funny shit out there, get over it. I love the Dave Chappelle Show, but wasn’t that serious. If you think that the Show was the best shit ever and is nothing better or will ever be, you need to be exposed to other shit. Also don’t tell anybody you think that way because you are a dick rider, a nut hugger, a sack lover, etc. And you need to stop your dick riding ways and keep that shit to yourself.

That’s it for now. Don’t forget to enter your email address on the right to subscribe and receive the new posts to your email. No junk mail or weak ass forwards will be sent to you, just my new posts, like the one I got lined up for next week. Also, check out the movies and what I'm listening to- it's the next best thing to the old Will Mixes. I will try to write regularly and add more videos when I can.

Your boy,
Will Wash

Dave Chappelle

Ok this shit is pissing me off. I do not look like fucking Dave Chappelle. Do you really wanna see how cold I can get? Just because we are both black with a mustache and big lips do not mean we look alike. All black people do not look alike.

What about these people.

Nook Logan for Detroit Tigers:

Arsenal's Theirry Henry:

Some Random Dude :

Young Dave Chappelle:


None of these people look like me.

Learn to tell the difference between black people motherfuckers!
I DO NOT look like fuckin' Dave Chappelle.
I look like my momma, so suck my dick you blind ass bitches!

State of the William Address Part II (almost 6 months later)

Greetings, my people. Let me start by saying, “Lord, please forgive me for how I may say it but my heart is still good.” Due to a popular response, and I think people might actually care; I am back with the State of the William Address. The state of the William is tired. Times are tough but we must stay the course. The war on terror is going to be tough, re-elect me we must stay the course. Oh shit, I thought I was Bush for a second. People go out and vote. The shit is not a game this year. Get the dumbass out of the white house. After 7 months the 3rd DVD release is done. After much advancement and several editing redoes, it is nothing like the first 2. It is over an hour long and has a lot of special features. It is the most technically sound one to date and Chalmer is using his high tech computer setup to make labels, I’m boosted about that. However, almost all of you motherfuckers will never get to see it. Why?! Don’t be shocked. As always, it is because of the content on it. On this disc, I am mostly making fun of myself (I wasn’t really scared. I was acting). This shows the extent of my sense of humor; I can take jokes a well as I give them.

As I said earlier, the state of the William is tired. I am tired. Physically tired, a nigga has been getting no rest. The “surrender me now” isn’t working. I got shit bottled up. So little things get me pissed. Motherfuckers tend to think it’s funny when I get pissed but it don’t be funny any more when they are on the receiving end of my pissnessity. I’m tired of censoring shit on my DVD releases; cause someone might get their fucking feelings hurt. I’m tired of having to watch what I say. I’m Will Wash bitches, that’s what I do, I make people cry. The people that knew me way back know the Will you know now is nothing like the Will from the late 90’s. I haven’t had beef with anybody in years and that’s cool, great even, but I’m tired of being extra careful about what I can say. If you can’t take a joke then get the fuck out my face.

Also I’m tired of the devil fucking with me in my sleep. In dreams, I be chillin in white tee. Not a throwback cause I be looking clean in my white tee. And I see the devil looking at me. That shit fucked me up. On the real, I think that nigga was hating on my white tee. So I was like, “What the fuck you looking at?” Yall know how I do it. “Why YOU in MY face?” But get this, why that bitch say, “Who put that monkey in a T-shirt?” Ain’t that a bitch? Can you believe that shit? The fucking devil had jokes. A crucial one at that. And the worst part, the shit that got to me, is he said some shit I would say. Damnit, I’m tired of getting fucking harassed by the devil in my sleep. Why don’t that nigga take his gay ass on and steal some souls and shit. Or go give George Bush another bright idea.

I’m tired of there being no limit on ignorance in America. I’m with you, Meraf. Fuck undecided voters. Dumbass, no thought process having bitches. Why I seen this motherfucking black ass nigga get on TV news talking about A-rabs and shit. It hurt my heart. That shit is ignorant. How hard is it to pronounce arabs, motherfucker. Making black people look bad.

Like I said I’m pissed. Why do I feel like I can’t say shit when I see shit? I felt like I couldn’t say anything when I saw this 19 year old girl sitting there sucking her thumb. Think about it. I know we all thinking the same damn thing. This bitch suck dick. Come on, any women stilling sucking her thumb over the age of 13 is or will be a dicksucker. She will need a cure for the oral fixation. I wanted to say something so bad when I saw it. And I wanna say something to all these niggas standing around with their mouth open, especially motherfuckers with braces. People, scratch that, Niggas/Black people need to start breathing through their noses. Stand there with your mouth open makes you look REAL primitive. Like using 2 hands to drink out of a glass. God gave you a nose so you wouldn’t be standing there looking stupid with your mouth open. And it will help with that bad breath problem (and it’s not just the braces people). I got to start telling motherfuckers about their breath that shit is Iraqi style torture. Women need to take that natural hair shit back to Africa. That pokemon bush hair cut ain’t cutting it. I know some of yall are mad but that shit must be said. Niggas don’t need S-curls and perms. Bitches don’t need bushes and fades. Lets keep the line between the sexes. Be mad, come at me if you want. I did go to a BLACK school. I got crooked bush and shape up jokes for weeks. And the federal government needs to classify Nextel subscribers as a cult. Trying to talk to them about services is like trying to talk to a Mormon or Jehovah witness. No hope of change and they be recruiting. How can you be black and not like big lips?

Why do motherfuckers think Jadakiss is deep after one song? Why? They are the same motherfuckers that like that dumbass movie Belly. He really ain’t say shit. Why? Why is it everyone else’s verses on the remix deeper than his? Why? Why do all niggas look the same? Why is it that all niggas do is wear jerseys and wife beaters? Why do Chalmer thinks his bootleg movies from Blockbuster are official? Why? Why do motherfuckers wait til they’re old and shit to start smoking? Why do heads think the government made weed illegal cuz “they be hatin”? Why do people think G-Unit is cool? Why is them niggas named after a ape? Why would anybody buy their shoes? Why don’t they niggas just go solo so I can like them (except for banks)? Why is that R&B boy Lloyd the gayest nigga on the radio? Why? Why hasn’t everyone seen Fahrenheit 911 or the Passion? Why the fuck would you bootleg the Passion of Christ? Why hasn’t Luan learned how to work the camcorder yet? Why is it necessary to be all up in my face? Why? Why don’t motherfuckers think it’s a little gay to be running a G? Why do they feel comfortable with so many dicks out in the same room? Why do Tuan and Burke stay in adventures? Why hasn’t Meraf been on the Real World yet? Why hasn’t she let me record her audition tape? Why? Why do we have to wait till half of Latisha and Damelia friends leave till we have fun? Why do people get scared to speak when I come around? Why did Tressa call me a crazy nigga? Why? Cuz I wanna know.

Signing off until next time,
Your boy Will Wash.

Don't mind the anger, I'm always like that.

Best Kept Secrets:
The City of God DVD
Akon CD
HBO’s The WireCheck them out.

State of the William Address (it’s the takeover)

Greetings, my people.
I know I have been scarce recently. But a nigga been busy catching up from 2 months of slacking off and ain’t being about shit. Do not fear, I still have 2 weeks to pass all my classes but the 4.0 average is definitely gone. I’m like Nas, I’m take care of everything in foul swoop.

After brief excitement of buying a new amplifier for the car, the state of my car is still the same. It is still junky and dirty. And it sounds the same, because I broke the amp in a record of 4 hours. Tuan beat that. On the topic of broke, my new camcorder is still broken; the repair shop had to order a part for it. Hopefully, it won’t take 8 weeks like my Sony amp. With no camcorder that means the short film will be put on hold until I get it back. Luan’s scenes have been shot. The rest of you niggas (Chalmer and Tuan) have to match his strong performance. Also there will be no new DVD released anytime soon unless anybody wants to see some of the old clips still on the hard drive (except for the one of me singing the thong song). Meraf, when am I going to get my 8mm back? Now, is Will Wash going to have to choke a bitch? The weather is warm; we got to start hitting the park up for lunch again. Chalmer, Tuan, Luan stop being selfish let a nigga know when yall trying to play ball. Luan don’t forget about the video game. I still need some models for it. Don’t make me press you out too. Take a time out (from the porno), and work on that shit. Tuan, I heard your bitch ass been practicing, but it won’t change the fact I knocked your ass out in the first round. Lights out, BITCH! Even Chalmer’s mini-me (the retard kid at the park that be saying, “YEAH!”) can last past the first round. Go get Burke and Cosigning Sean for help cuz I’m a monster on the Playstation sticks. Any game you want, nigga, any game. I ain’t one of them weakass online bitches. Everyone needs to stop calling Chalmer Semi from Coming to America. That shit is too funny. Pay your tickets nigga and stop breaking the law. Oh and by the way no one has ever seen you play ball in white air force ones (fuck Nike). Don’t make me call police; tell your sister to stopping calling it ain’t my baby. I always pull out with her (ah sket sket sket). Now say something else about my momma. Plus you guys need to decide who going to be Charlie Brown. Fight it out. Damelia and Latisha thanks for the two months of fun. But yall need learn that when you start getting sleepy and you actually fall asleep in a club, I might need to start thinking about going home instead which bar to go to next. Damelia, be nice to Burke please. We know that nigga has a drinking problem, so you are invited to the intervention so you can tell how it make you feel when he drinks and fucks up your name. One a serious note, you need to talk to your cousin (the one who keeps forgetting to cross her legs in front lesbians and Cee-lo Green the soul machine in a Tina Turn skirt), Chanelle, about her driving. I am really concerned. I hate to see yall die so young. I’m learning how to do the whop and break dance just so Lilly can’t talk about my black ass’s lack rhythm. This ain’t B2K and I ain’t trying to be served (I seen them Asians on the dance machine up in Dave and Busters). LaTisha and Tressa. Don’t be scared, no just yet. But if yall don’t start speaking to me (and I mean more than a hi), I’m put yall on the spot with the camera. Don’t be shy around me, no one else is, so don’t be. I had my hustle men look for you a new camera ever since you told me at Chalmer’s house. If they can find a $50 dollar playstation and $20 gamecube, who knows what else is out there (it might be hot. So hot, that shit it might even be your old camera). Last but not least, Burke, Tuan, and Sean need to lose the beer goggles. Leave the fat ass mud mucks alone. When sober you all know better. And stop encouraging niggas to be rappers. Everybody can’t rap.

I think that’s enough to keep you guys mad at me for a couple of weeks. I know yall got something to say, then say it, don’t be bitches about. You know the number, I paid my phone bill. Or send a reply (to all if you’re tough good enough, no weak shit). And No, Tuan and Chalmer, you did nothing of the sort with my momma. The only one hitting it is my daddy.

It’s a textbook and Blockbuster weekend bitches, have fun without me. But when I’m back, it’s on.

Still the top dog, number one shit talker,
That Nigga Will.

Now tell me how you feel.

It the takeover, son!


I still rap better than Sean.
1st round knockout, nigga!