September 04, 2009

Gangstas Don’t Wear Skinny Jeans

Last Saturday after some amazing seafood in Annapolis, I went to the movies with America’s favorite newlyweds, Chalmer and Crystal.  The closest theater on our way back to DC was Bowie; so we went there.  When we get there is a gang (slang for a lot) of little youngins.  It looked like school just let out and they all were hanging around.  My thoughts were: there are no adults out here and all these boys have on tight ass jeans.  Not a normal or baggy pair in sight.  It felt like the Twilight Zone.  I ain’t around high school kids that much and ones I do see are in VA and Mo County mostly.  I don’t think the epidemic is as bad there as in DC and PG County.  And dreads, high tops, and tight jeans is an epidemic.  They are like zombies all looking the same, just slightly different looking faces.  Ghetto smurfs- all with the same uniform just different names.  I agree with Crystal, I feel sorry for the younger girls; their pickings is slim.  I see why the lesbian option is starting younger and more frequently.

As good luck would have it, we missed the 9:00 3D showing of Final Destination by 10 minutes and had to get tickets to the 11 show.  This was cool because one of Crystal’s girlfriends decided to meet up with us.

i-can-do-bad-poster-3In the lobby of the movie theater I saw a bomb ass display of DMV’s own Taraji Henson looking sexy.  But you should of seen my face when I read Tyler Parry’s name on it.  Chalmer saw my face and asked me what was wrong.  I said it’s a Tyler Perry movie, I was blown because I like Taraji Henson.  He understood.  I will save my Tyler Perry rant for another day, too tired to deal with the fan girls what will defend his bamma ass.

To past the time, we walk over to Friday’s and grab a spot at the bar.  Well, two of us do.  I’m not going to talk about the lady holding up a spot at bar waiting for a date that will never come.  Kind of felt bad for her even though I was talking about her ass like a dog for holding up that spot for 2 hours while people had to stand.  …But she had hot date, or what was suppose to be a hot date.

Friday’s was cool because they had $4 margaritas, long island, and mojitos. So you know we was getting it in.  And I had to get a sundae after smelling all the fudge from Annapolis’ Main Street.  But speaking of fudge and I don’t judge.  Two dudes came in to the bar and sat on the other side of us.  One looked like TI and the other, like a generic dark skinned bald head, big muscles dude with a tight ass polo; gym, model type.  The came in together but sat with a good size gap between them.  It was larger than one between Me and Chalmer and Crystal and her girlfriend, Kia,while we was talking.  So TI’s ordered drink comes it’s tall ass frozen strawberry something and little big man in a tight ass shirt get a glass of light purple/pink wine.  I turn to Chalmer and go, “They gay.”  At the same time Kia and Crystal are discussing the same thing in their convo and turn over to us and we all know we was talking about the same thing and bust out laughing.  But they was cool and silent.  I think they were either boys or on awkward ass date.  Because they didn’t talk to each other the whole time at the bar and then we saw them later together in line waiting to get in to see the movie.  Who had a worst night? Them or the chick that got stood up?

On the way back to the theater, we see a bunch of cop cars and kids scattered like insects talking to each other.  So we overhear that there was a fight.  Instantly, I’m upset that I missed it. LOL I had my flip cam on me too.  So we walk pass and the police got all the kids involved lined up on the curb.

Here’s my thing, the Hard Questions, how are you going to be gangster in middle of nowhere and in tight ass pants?  Look at what happened, they all got caught.  Let’s be honest, back in the day when we got in a fight, we got away and didn’t get caught by the police.  One, you don’t stick around afterwards.  But I guess because it was Bowie and no one lives in walking distance to ANYTHING.  So they might of gotten caught by waiting for their ride.  Two, even if they wanted to run from the police or the gang of boys wanting to beat yall up, they couldn’t because their pants are hanging below their ass and too tight to stretch.  The physics for running is impossible.  Gangstas don’t wear skinny jeans because you can’t do gangsta shit in skinny jeans.  That’s why loose pants, Tims, and an old easy to tear wife beater is the uniform of choice. LOL

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