December 14, 2006

The State of the William Address 2006 (the shakedown version)

Greetings, my people. This has been a busy year for your boy, Will Wash. A lot of good things have happened since the last address. I have accomplished some of my life goals, met new people, and grew as person. Many of you were with me along the way and I love you for that. This is an official thank you. So let’s get started.

Here’s a Metro story. I was on the train because my car was in the shop. Ya’ll know my joint is three spinner hub caps away from being a big wheel. You remember those joints? Now they were tight. You used to stand on the back of it and kicking with one leg coasting down hills. Even the fattest boy in the hood would take a turn on the big wheel. It was made strong. Kicking on it, had that one leg real strong after a while. Imaging riding one of them to work instead of a car or bike, that one leg would be strong as shit. You’ll have one Popeye leg. One muscle leg, one chicken leg – a carry-out two piece.

Anyway, I was on the subway. I sat next to this girl that looked real professional-like. When I say professional-like, I’m not talking about 14th street professional. Not a “where my money at bitch”, but more like a DC area bougie girl. I try hard to avoid bougie people in my life. Seriously, I rather talk to the crazy homeless guy that prefers to shadow box at bus stops and wears a permanent cologne that smells like stale calamari, then hold a conversation with someone that thinks they are truly better than me. I’m not always in good mood but I was and I didn’t want to judge so I tried to make small talk. Long story short, she had attitude. I asked her what she did for a living. She said was Secret Agent and couldn’t talk to me. So I told her she must suck because she wasn’t very secretive. I had to carry her because back she tried to carry me. Fucking smart asses. Boy and girl, today’s lesson is don’t be a smart ass. Fuck her.

Often I have been described as being an angry man. I do have a little angry in my life, but I’ve narrowed it don’t to the exact group of people I don’t like. Others. It’s everybody other than me. Like the guy or gal, that can’t say a simple “thanks” when you hold the door for them. Those people are dicks. Like me holding the door open for them is a given. Like, I am supposed to be that chump that is in charge of holding the door for assholes. Come on, who was your mother? Was she some kind of animal? Were you raised by a wild trash digging raccoons? We civilized people say “thank you” when someone does something nice for us. Fuck ‘em.

A lot of times it the little things at get to you. Like when you say something like, “Hey, I like your shoes, where you get those from?” And they give you some bullshit answer like, “Oh, they don’t make these anymore.” What?! That ain’t what I asked your ass. What you scared, I’m going to buy some? Or they’ll say like “you can’t buy them in the US.” What kind of shit is that? Bitch I ain’t trying to be your twin. People acting like is beyond me. Why do people hate for no reason, shit like that pisses me off. Well, I got news for you. I can go into any deli and order a club sandwich AND, get this; I’m not even a member. AND they even give me a pickle and an extra cut in the sandwich. How you like them apples. So, fuck you.

People can be real simple sometimes. I went in to a store. And I asked the lady behind the counter (in English) how much for a bottle of water? She says two and then proceeds to raise up two fingers towards me. I’m like wtf (what the fuck), I’m a geek so I actually said W.T.F. Now, was I so retarded that I needed to her visually show me the number two? It wasn’t like she was throwing up the peace sign either, that would be cool. I never claimed to be really smart or anything, but come the fuck on. Maybe that’s how she remembers the prices, on her fingers. I feel sorry for her then. What if it was $1.50? Was she going to do stick up one finger and half the middle? Fuck her, too.

Let me get serious for a minute and hit a topic I never covered in any of the other State of the William Addresses, finding your mate. Ohhh, touchy subject…yea, I know. Don’t worry this is not be a list of what I looking for, because I really don’t know, except you have to a natural born woman – no after Thursday’s surgery I’ll be woman then type shit. For the slow people, basically, no chicks with dicks. Now, I’m not knocking it because some people like it (Flava Flav), but it just ain’t for me. I need to talk to all the people out there saying that there say they need a “good” man or woman. Don’t jump ahead of me. I’m got going to say there is no good men or women out there, I going say you need to stay away from them. Don’t be messing them up with your problems. If you ain’t a good catch then why do you need a good catch? Let the good men and good women get together and have good families. People stop messing up happy homes. Your ass need to be with other fucked up people like you. If your ass has issues like trust, mental instability, or criminal tendencies, stay away from the good people! Don’t bring them down with you. You know their good ass is going to try to save you.

To many people think they are good catches when they are not. First fellas, being light skinned when light skinned guys are in-style do not automatically make you a good catch. If you are crazy then you are not a good catch for anybody, period. Nothing runs a man away faster than a crazy woman. Granted crazy women do run the fastest, and that’s why there are a lot of these brothers sitting at home unhappy because they caught by a crazy woman. Having six college degrees don’t automatically make you a good catch, it just means you ass likes to read and it’s a warning that you might be know it all and everyone hates know it alls. People are not Scantron sheets and common sense is worth more points in the real world. And come on dudes having a good job don’t make you a good catch either. But it does put you about 5 miles in front of the guy without a J.O.B. Also these cock diesel independent women really threading a thin line. It’s great to be able to take of yourself, but some of yall sometimes take it too far. Bodybuilding is a quick way to scare away men. It’s nice you can pick up 180lbs…I guess. But if you really wanna be picking up stuff, you should go pick up another girl for him. Guys, being prettier than females don’t make you a good man, it’s makes you gay. If yall got to fight over the mirror in the bathroom, it’s not going to work. Remember, a man stills needs be a man. Let’s get personal for a sec, no kids. Sorry, but it’s that simple. There is nothing wrong with having kids, but to consider yourself a good catch you got to drop ‘em. No dude wants to take care of another guy’s kid. A real good guy will accept a woman with kids but you need to stay way from him. Good guys need to procreate with any other good woman to have kids that will grow up to be good people and instead of taking care of your bad ass kids who will grow up to be just like their daddy. Men like sex but a good guy can’t take on a Poke-cahontas or any of her tribe, the Hava-hoes. Finally, if you’re a dicktease then you’re the hated the most out of all and you should never consider yourself a good catch. If you ever gave a dude blue balls, I’m talking about you. Guns don’t kill people, blue balls kills people. Just know there is special place in hell for you beside Osama bin laden. Women with sex issues otherwise forces good guys to him look somewhere else eventually. The word is balance. If you don’t have balance your not a good catch. If you’re insecure, ain’t anybody trying to spend the rest of their life trying to make YOU feel good about YOURSELF. You need to help yourself (no pun intended). Having a rack of kids is problem. That means you got a lot of issues and bills. If you got multiple baby mommas, then you need to take whoever will take you and stay with her ass, retire the dicking around, and stop ruining the world with your seed. If you know you a dog then fronting like you a good guy. There are female dogs out there for the male dogs, they are called bitches. So you need to take your pitbull hunter ass on and stop ruining the females. If you are nasty then you know you’re wrong. If you never need to put tarter sauce on your fish sticks because you believe the tarter control in toothpaste selection is optional, you classified as a nasty sonabitch. Stay away from the good people. Also in that category is the women that let a guy get by with believing you were a freak because he found what looked to be like leopard print underwear in your room. But in reality, they were only just dirty. Girl, you are nasty. If fit in any of the descriptions, we should never hear you complain about wanting a good significant other, because you don’t deserve one. So, fuck off.

Your boy,
Will Wash

December 13, 2006

The State of the William Address 2006 (the re up version)

Greetings, my people. This has been a busy year for your boy, Will Wash. A lot of good things have happened since the last address. I have accomplished some of my life goals, met new people, and grew as person. Many of you were with me along the way and I love you for that. This is an official thank you. And in thanks, this year I’m not going to directly talk about any of your asses. Ok sorry in advance for not proof reading, I need to get this out before the New Year. So let’s get started.

Let’s talk vocabulary. I’m not a big fan of the new internet/text messaging languages these young people are using. Using the number 3 for the letter E and $ for S annoys the hell out me. I think my age is starting to show, because I’m starting to tell Al Bundy back in the day stories. I’m a child of the 80’s, so I hate anime. I like thundercats, he-man, and gi-joe. Anime is water down Japanese porn for pedophiles. It really is that simple. I don’t like the kids growing up watching that crap. No one has been able to explain to me why the cartoons have children faces with adult bodies. That just ain’t right. That’s on that Michael Jackson nonsense. And what hell is Dragonball Z? That show makes no fucking sense all. What the Japanese people find entertaining scares me. It just might be a country full of perverted men. It just might. As you can tell I’m not a Japanese crap whore. You know one of the immature adults that love everything Japanese.

Has been on any of nerd forum recently? Probably not. This is how they type: “OMG WTF N00B! ps3 and xbox 360 fanboys = gay. Wii will pwn3d them with teh nunckuk controller. I’m so 1337 with teh nunckuk.” This is not new stuff but gayness is on the rise. And I’m not talking about homosexuals; I’m talking about gay ass behavior from people like fanboys. A fanboy is a man or woman(fangirl) that is far beyond a simple fan. Basically, they are the ultimate dick riders. These the people that go to concerts and get near the star and faint, or start fights because someone doesn’t think their star is the great person to ever live. Now they are more noticeable because of the internet. Like Jay-Z, Beyonce, and Kobe got a bunch of them. I’m sure if one of their testicles was to drop too low, I’m sure one of these bitches will be there to catch it. I got news for yall fans they really suck. I can’t see myself sweating someone and I get nothing out of it. The only thing you should love without question is God. Fuck the stars. I loathe star struck people, they are Stans. Male groupies are the worst. People, please learn to separate the man from the music otherwise you look stupid liking something just because the star of the week made it. There is universal name for mindless creatures, “sheep.” Because all cultures know that sheep need guidance and they will follow anything.

Let me hit yall with some words and definitions because I know yall motherfucker is getting old like me. “Wrinkle your shirt” – to jack you up. A “goer” - A female that is very sexually active. “Lovin” - the act of talking on the phone or internet with a significant other or flirting with him/her. “Goose” - A goose is a person who acts different towards a particular someone of the opposite sex in certain social situations, like staring. One in the act of being a goose is thus, “goosing.”

Let’s talk, MySpace. It’s so big I don’t where to start. It is huge. At first I was against it. I was like, “I ain’t trying to pick up no 15 year old girls.” After find my boy Derek and his group on there, I signed up to be part of the “movement.” That’s all it takes. If you ain’t looking for people they will find you. Unfortunately, that mean stalkers too. I ain’t saying names because she’s still lurking in the dark corners of the internet, saving meaningless emails and posting ugly ass pictures that can only be classified as graphitti. The MySpace UMCP people know who I’m talking about, because apparently she was all of our friends, even though no one remembers her ass. But it is still good to link up with people I ain’t seen in years and see them doing well. Shout out to Keya and the all former Terp Cheerleaders. I think we all need to get a little of that “fear the turtle” money.

Not only has MySpace been a great tool for contact but it has been an endless source of entertainment. First off, I leave the best comments on people’s page. I challenge you to find someone better at it. Second, the music and videos are good time wasters and help me keep up the good shit. Home of Prison Break reshows, and off brand artists. I’ll hear someone on a mix tape and I can find the artist on MySpace, even the MySpace haters have to admit that’s kind of cool. It’s no secret that the artist themselves actual be using MySpace. The Game found his long lost sister on it. Finally, there is a million bammas on here. I mean “a gang of them.” This is a place where bammas can get their bamma on. Why did this one bamma steal Rick’s picture and tried to front like it was him. Using someone else’s picture to holla at girls online, who does that? Bammas, that’s who. Ok, here some more bamma shit. Big girls taking slick photos. Why all the weird camera angles? Using a camera phone to take a high 70 degree angle shot from the side, while not looking at the camera, what are you suppose to be doing? Modeling? Oh hell no. What models have you been looking at do that? One thing, models don’t have to hide their face. Stop misleading the other MySpace bammas, who I’m going to get on in a second. These same angle photo flick takers (I say flick, just for Meraf, because the rest of world say, pics. I like to compare it to Indian people saying G.B’s for gigabytes), are known for using the big girl cleavage to hide the jelly rolls and fat installations beneath. I’m hating on it, because it is smart to use camera tricks on medium to large size titties to hide the fact your fat in a photo. I can respect that, because everyone don’t know how to use photoshop to lie on photos. The reason these girls are hiding their big bonedness is to attract these other MySpace bammas called “Lovers.” They are not just on MySpace, I first seen these people on Black Planet and then Facebook, but MySpace has the largest collection of them. We called them Facebook Lovers. Because they be lovin’. If your profile says female then they wanna love you. They are the internet players and don’t care how you look. She can be 3 and a quarter feet tall with a linebacker neck, be rocking a peg leg with three fingers on one hand and four on the other, plus have half an eye and be missing the two big front teeth, and he will still leave comments on her picture like, “emm girl, you bringing sexy back.” or “look at you, all grown and sexy.” That IS just wrong! Who does that?! Bammas, that’s who. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on the handicap girl. I am really hating on the dudes that do that. Only say it, only if you know it and mean it. Plus, we all know there AIN’T ANYTHING sexy about missing fingers. I’m hating on anybody that displays that say anything for the pussy behavior. Because hyping shitty ass people DOES have it’s side effects. Some of us don’t deal well with ugly people acting like their cute (I’ll let a bitch know).

I hate a motherfucker ( it sounds like I’m beginning to rant) that thinks they’re God’s gift to the world, when we all know God only gave on two gifts, Jesus and me. Humility is an asset. Anyway, I can go on for days about MySpace, because I ain’t even started talking about the MySpace goers. I’ll have to save them whores for another day.

So many big things happened this year! The nation finally woke up and voted right. Flava Flav hooked up with a bruised up transvestite. If Deelishis ain’t a tranny with a phat ass then that’s one hella ugly ass girl and therefore Flava must be love. Go Flav with that “Jerry Springer love,” that type of love knows no boundaries like gender. Rumor has it Flav knocked up some other chick in between the Flavor of Love seasons. I guess he was on the prowl after Hoopz won and left him for better celebrity dick. Word you say? Word. Wikipedia, “After she won she left Flav she said in an interview that ‘It was a competition and everybody wanted to win’ At the reunion special they gave the reason ‘She's too busy’. She is also a supreme slut, she has had sexual intercourse with a number of rappers including Slim Thug from Houston Texas. Rumor has it that she has contracted AID's from her many sex capades. It is also said that hoopz is a supreme lesbian, and frequents herself from many different women.” I’m know, damn. Wikipedia is going on this one. I don’t know what to believe.

Brittany Spears got turned out and then came to her senses. Brittany got hit with an NBA hooper move. Fucked with a groupie and had a baby. Now that bamma is in there like swimwear for the rest of his life. It’s her own damn fault for messing with a dude that would drop his pregnant baby momma with the quickness. Anway before the break up, Brittany and Kevin was only one drug away from hitting Bobby and Whitney status. I could see Brittany’s ass high on TV talking about K-Fed was the King of Rap.

Racism seems to refuses to die. And I’m not just talking about Kramer’s crazy ass. However, Kramer’s rant did come out a little too smoothly for me to think that is wasn’t really in him. Racism is not dead; it’s just under the surface waiting to be unleashed. All the free flowing of the N word by everyone is bothering me too. I know use is freely, because one, I have the right. I am a descendant of American slaves and there is even some white plantation own blood in me too. Secondly, I can’t help it has been a part of my vocab for my entire life. But I am seriously reconsidering my language usage, because to many people don’t get it and a lot of foreigner pick it up without know the full meaning or history. And lets be honest, nothing pisses a person off more than someone else using a word wrong or having a vocabulary of word they don’t know the meaning of, that’s discombobulating.

Also look at the immigration issue. I’m not for letting aliens run around and impregnate humans with their alien seeds, that’s what Mulder and Scully were here to stop. but I see what I can only classify as hatred towards latinos people by some people. When you got a cushy office job at some TV show; I really don’t think your anger is about them stealing your job. Not to mention the Jews. You can kind see how silly racism looks in the Borat movie.

Truthfully, it’s about power. Now this all kind of goes back to the N-word. Some people in our country, I’m saying any group names, is used to being in power and having things their way. Also some new people to this country think that everything is equal, free, and up for grabs. Both are wrong. There is still stuff you can not say or do, just because you’re not allowed to or not suppose to- no reason needed. People think it’s a fair world but it’s not. Just because I say something doesn’t automatically mean, you’re allowed to say it too.

Double standards exist because of differences and past history. Just because a woman is allowed to almost everything a man is allowed to do, does not mean you treat a woman like a man. You still open doors and let women go first. It called double standards. Don’t be jealous because women get certain things their way, which is because men get other things their way. It’s a balance. I would like to blow a million dollars on one hand in blackjack but I can’t and it’s not fair that some other son of a billionaire can. But that is the world we live in. It’s not equally. If the world was fair then there would be no poor people and everyone would be equally educated.

So don’t be jealous that black people get to use the n-word because that is something that is, like it or not, part their (the African American culture and that’s not all black people either) cultural history. With being part of a group you get both positive and negative aspects of that group. So if you’re an outsider posing as an insider, what happens? You are disliked, rejected, or even hurt. Basically, using the n-word in certain audiences will get your face removed, so you don’t use it around them. It’s their word, it’s another name for them, but you don’t use it around them. However, you do use it at home or front for your friends. Take Paris Hilton, for example. We all know she’s a slut, but that’s not the point. It’s well documented that uses the n-word and has in the past referred black people as that, but she never uses it in their presence. And she has even came out and she has and will never say it in front of her best friend Nichole Richie. Is there not something wrong in that? That’s where the problem is.

It’s believe that other races want to use the word because Black people do and they are so cool and I wanna be cool like them. The most common excuse is, “they use it.” Let me hit you with the mom joint, “If Eric was jumping off a building, would you do it too?” No, why? I understand, African Americans are the most emulated people in the world you don’t have to do everything they do. I don’t see you asking the police to pull you over for no reason because you wanna be black. Back to my point about the n-word and power (I know I’m all over the place but that’s a State of the William Address), that word has power in both a positive and negative way. One thing is a given. It is unique because there no other words like it in the English language in regards to its power and. That is because of history. That is no other people in this country’s short history that went through what African Americans went through in the past 400 years. Some people had it rough here and bad else where, but it not same. Where did oppressed African American have to go to make a better life for themselves and children? There was no USA version 2 to immigrate to. And what did African American do? The over came their environment of slavery and not being treated a equal by the country, not just other people but the country and the laws. Yea, running to another country sounds like good option but their no other Americans to go to. Throughout African American history they have been oppressed until recently. Together American, meaning blacks and whites, has become a place of acceptance for all people. And there is an understanding among older black and whites that there are two different worlds with in our one world. We’d share some things and keep separate others.

Now a day, the US is no longer just black and white and that’s a good thing. But other groups of people and young people are try to make a place for themselves or fit in. More fit in. And these new Americans (meaning families that immigrated with in past 50 years or so) messed out on the negative times in this country’s history of race. And they don’t clearly understand why things are the way they are. This idea clear when the concept of being a minority is lost on a minority. Ask an Asian kid if he is a minority, they’ll probably quickly say no, like it’s a bad thing to be a minority. Ask the same question to a Latino kid and they say yes. This shows two things. One, race is not as big as it used to be. And that’s great. Two, the two main groups of just blacks and whites have expanded. Statically, if you’re non-white in the US you’re a minority. If you’re mixed, you are whatever you want to be except for white. Sorry, that’s the rules, your still a minority in the US. Latino tend to association along the lines of African American because to social and economic similarities. Basically, they relate through the struggle. Even though in some parts of the country statically Latinos maybe the majority, but they think and act as a minority.

This goes back to two different groups in America. Most kids have never experience deliberate racism and are not racist, but they still use racist words. That’s because they don’t know, ignorance. And that is a problem, because the so called times of racism in the US only ended 45-50 years ago. Meaning, the people that lived through it and dealt with is still alive and the past is not really the past because it really hasn’t past. So when it comes to the n-word, it all depends on not so much how it is used, but in who is using it. In a weaker logic it’s like the word bitch, cunt, or faggot except will more power and lesser global acceptance. Each of those words has restrictions on who should be able to use the word positively; such as gender and sexual orientation, but the distinctions of races are more volatile then either of those because of history racism in the US, which seems to be lost on the immigrants and young generations. How do we stop it? I don’t know, but I do know I still like have things that are just for me, because I know can’t have everything everyone else has culturally. I know I will never ever be able to completely relate to a holocaust survivor so I have to respect that. So when it comes to the n-word show respect. It’s that simple. Racism is not dead. Hip Hop is more dead than racism.

Enough of the real talk…Hold on. Who in the hell came up with the phrase “real talk”? I hate it. I feel like people that need to say real talk are liars. Because, one, they don’t normally tell the truth and now they need you to believe them. Or two, they really want to believe their lie and saying real talk to makes the lie more believable. I guess back are the days of, “I swear on my momma’s dead body.”

Your boy,
Will Wash

May 11, 2006

What I’m Listening To: 5-11-06

Will’s Mix – Click to Play. [43.3 MB] Playlist: Ms. New Booty (remix) - Bubba Sparxx feat. Big Boi and Killer Mike Good Googly Moogly - Project Pat Hee Haw - Trillville feat. Project Pat I'm A Pimp - Trillville feat. E-40 Whateva - Remy Ma Conceited - Remy Ma Yea Develop - Lil Wayne I'll Beat Yo Ass - Crime Mob Knuck If U Buck (Remix) - Crime Mob Rock Yo Hips (the original version with Diamond and Princess) - Crime Mob Georgia Girls - Diamond and Princess of Crime Mob Stilettos Pumps - Diamond and Princess of Crime Mob feat. Aisha Wuz up - Bohagon feat. Lil' Jon, Diamond and Princess of Crime Mob, and D4L Hustlin (Remix) - Rick Ross Feat. Busta Rhymes Put Them In They Place - Mobb Deep Why We Thugs - Ice Cube Watch Me Do It - Trillville feat. Big Sam Infiltrate - Trillville Past Music They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 4-13-06 They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 4-3-06 They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 11-28-05 They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 11-21-05 Attention iTunes Users This blog is setup as a podcast meaning you can have new music and videos automatically downloaded to your iTunes software as they come out with a one time set up. Just click on the xml button: on the right and then click on the "Subscribe with Yahoo! Music Engine/iTunes" button. Open the downloaded file. It is an iTunes file and it will add this site to your podcast directory.

April 28, 2006

The Legend of Will Wash

This is the story of a beef that even God could not squash
This is the legend of your boy, Will Wash
The baddest motherfucker on any block
I can remember the day he was born like a face on a clock
The devil was on vacation down in DC
He heard of a good spot where he could get some crack for free
While in town he heard a great story
About a bad ass little nigga and all his glory
He was bad and it was clear as glass
On the day he was dropped from his Mammy's ass,
Will Wash slapped his Pappy's in the face
And said, "From now on, cocksucker, I'm running this place"
At the age of one he was drinking whiskey and gin
At the age of two he was eating the bottles that it came in
He more soul in his stroll,
And more slide in his glide
Already he was proclaimed as the baddest man alive
The devil was king of all haters
He thought he should take the little nigga out, more sooner than later
The devil walked into town,
Looking to get down
He found Will’s daddy with his head held low
The devil said, “What wrong with you, Joe?”
Joe said his wife presented him with two bad ass baby boys
Joe told her, “Honey, you know we only need one set of toys
Pick out the nicest one; the other one is getting the river
I don’t need a bad ass nigga”
And that is how Will Wash learned to swim
Just like the sun rises, Will came back to get at him
He said it was one hell of a fight
Joe said he even fought dirty and tried to bite
He told the devil that he’s blown when almost lost his life
When baby Will cut him low with a knife
Now he couldn’t have kids anymore
Baby Will’s first words, “Now get some balls you whore!”
I know your thinking oh my gosh
But this is the legend of your boy Will Wash

Devil saw how he treated his own pa
He said, "Let me go check this little bad nigga before he goes too far"
He has to see for himself this monster of man
But first he needed a plan
He called up Jesus to see if he had his back
But Jesus told him that has babysitted Will before and ran out of cheeks to attack
Afraid of losing his rep down in hell
Where he was the baddest man in the ville
He called God up for a little advice
God said, “I suggest you talk to him real nice
Dee, don’t get me wrong; in a fight, I hope you win it
Cause he is killing motherfuckers every fifteen minutes
He’s a bad motherfucker that calms the raging sea
The waters parted faster for him than it did for me
He had a fight with a battleship out on the sea
Mr. Shark was the time keeper and Brother Whale the referee
I never seen a fight end so quick
He torpedoed the boat with the head of his dick
He shot dice with Pac and played cards with Big
If they both had cash, then they still could of lived
He went up to the Whitehouse and kicked Reagan in the ass
And told the AIDS spreading, guns dealing, crack pushing President to kiss his black ass
He went up to Alaska when it was 20 below
Dropped his drawls and melted the fucking snow
He a hot motherfucker, can’t you see
I turn my head, because Will Wash is a man even I don’t wanna see”
It’s old school rhyme like OshKosh B’Gosh
This is the legend of your boy Will Wash

Now with his pride on the line
And a trick on the mind
The devil drew a line in the sand
And instead of called your boy Will out just like a man
The devil took the role of a bitch,
He dressed up like Larry, the snitch
So with an evil plan to keep
The devil stuck out his leg so Will would stepped on his feet
The devil said, "Motherfucker, can't you see?
Why, you stepping on my goddamn feet!"
Will responds, "I ain't heard a word you said"
"If you say it one more time I'll be stepping on your motherfucking head!"
The devil played sorry and this is what he said,
“Please don’t hit me, Mr. Will Wash, I’m not ready for bed”
So he ran up on Will Wash later that day
He said, "Oh Mr Will Wash, there's a big, bad motherfucker coming your way
And when you meet, it's gonna be a goddamn sin,
And wherever you meet some ass is bound to bend
Also he's somebody that you do not know,
He just broke loose and he’s ready to show"
Will, he talked about your people in a helluva way!
He talked about your people till my hair turned gray!
He said your daddy's a fag and your momma's a whore
Said he spotted you running through the hood selling your asshole from door to door!
Said your sister did the dirtiest trick
She got down so low and sucked an earthworm's dick
Said he spotted your niece behind the tree,
Screwing motherfuckers for a dollar over free!
He said he saw your aunt sitting on the picket fence
Giving a goddamn gorilla a french
Then he talked about your sister and your momma too,
Then he starts talking about how good your grandma screw
He said your sister's a prostitute and your brother's a punk,
And said I'll be damned if you don't eat all the pussy you see every time you get drunk!
He said he teabag your uncle and fucked your aunty and niece,
And next time he see your grandma he going to get him another good piece
Also your brother died with the AIDS and your uncle died with the dick mumps
And your old grandma never looked pretty with a face full of lumps
And you know you little sister that you love so dear
He said he fucked her all day for a bottle of beer
So, Will Wash, you know that ain't right
Whenever you meet Leroy Brown be ready to fight"
So Will jumped up in a helluva rage!
Like a young knockout king full of gage
Now the devil was talking about Leroy Brown
He was the baddest man in the whole damn town
Badder than a-old King Kong
And meaner than a junkyard dog
Now Leroy he a gambler and he like his fancy clothes
And he liked to wear his diamond rings in front of everybody's nose
Will went through the town knocking down trees,
Kicking long neck bitches to their knees
The he ran up on the Leroy talking to a dime
He said, "All right you big, bad motherfucker It's gonna be your ass or mine"
The Leroy looked at him out of the corner of his eyes
He said, "Alright go ahead home, you little match stick motherfucker and pick on somebody your own size”
Will Wash jumped up and made a pass
Leroy side-stepped him and kicked him square in his ass
Will then busted up his jaw, fucked up his face
Broke both his legs, snatched his ass out of place
Will then picked him up, slammed him to the tree
Nothing but Leroy’s shit as far as you could see
He crushed his nuts, rolled ‘em in the sand
And kicked his ass like a natural man!
They fought all night and all the next day
Somehow the Leroy managed to get away
Later on, the devil looked at Will and said, "Goddamn ole partner, you don't look so swell
Look like to me you caught a whole lotta hell
Your eyes is all red and your asshole is a little blue,
I knew from the beginning there wasn't shit to you
There's one thing you and me got to get straight
Cause your one ugly cocksucker that I sure do hate!
I pimped Eve, tutored George W Bush, and made AOL’s ‘you got mail’
I’m the Devil, The High Sheriff of Hell”
Will Wash had enough of this shit
He said, “You long faced, cockeyed son of a bitch
Your weak ass setup did not work
Ask your boy Leroy how I put in that hurt
Maybe he didn’t say all those things about my peeps
But now he won’t even look cross at them even in his sleep
Look motherfucker, ain't you a bitch!
Your face look like you got that crotch itch!
And don't try to plead over here with your sucka ass case
Cause I'll piss in your motherfucking face!
Back in hell the pain will pass
But I have to send you there first by kicking your ass"
When Will was done with the devil, his ass turn from red to green
Will Wash is the baddest motherfucker the world has ever seen

 I hoped you like it. Shout out to Dolemite. Before there was rap there was Dolemite.

April 14, 2006

Hip Hop Talk

I had the opportunity to discuss a little bit of hip-hop with two friends of mine on the forefront of hip-hop music. Mimi, my favorite Satellite radio personality, and D.Moon of the Soundprophets let me pick their brains on some easy hip-hop topics.

Will Wash: Lets talk hip hop. What type of music do you play?

D.Moon: All hip-hop from the backpacker brand, to the heavy hitters.

Mimi: That gangsta shit

WW: What name do you like to go by?

D: D.Moon

M: Mimi aka The Dopest Ethiopia

WW: What are the hot songs out right now?

M: I'm in love with a stripper by gangsta r&b T-Painful to look at & Mike Jones. Sike..........Mobb Deep singles off there forthcoming album Blood MONEY.....hottest rap joint of 2006 u heard it here first.

D: Ghostface “Fishscale”, Anything off that Jay-Dee Donuts album

WW: Which artist is making the most noise?

D: Noise, what noise….(yawn)

M: TI, more recently Young Jacq? New bad boy south dude

WW: Who are you dying to hear something from?

D: The Fugees, Gnarls Barkley (Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse)

M: Tupac......sike, double sike. Ummmm Mobb Deep, Fugees, NAS, Jay Z, Beanie Sigel

WW: Who are you tired of?

D: G-Unot

M: Hearing myself on-air. sike ummmmmm I agree with DMoon...... all these new one hit wonders claiming to be the next best thing. They all wack to me.......D4L?Ying Yang?

WW: Who are the top up and coming artists right now, in your eyes?

M: Hmmmmm Ne-Yo lol. Sike Nick Cannon SIKE AGAIN 4 REAL. Prally Juelz Santana.........I see longevity with this dude. Track 11 or 12 off his last joint....story telling joint bout JOSE. BANGER. I had to bring it back like 3times to follow the song & shit. I likes Juelz

D: Those young Soundprophets

WW: I know you like beefs just like me. Which ones are your favorites write now?

D: Beef is for dinner

M: All time greatest beef joint starts a lil something like this......."First off fuck yo bitch and the click u claim" Tupac-vs-Biggie HIT EM UP. Honorable mention to Jay Z-vs-Nas "Ether" rings a bell and lets not forget the Jada-vs-Sigel joint........those were real beef songs. Now we have beef songs coming from motha fuckin Christina Milian......spare me the bullshit

WW: Lets get serious. Tupac or Biggie? You must pick one.

D: Biggie


WW: Do you think the DC area leans more to Biggie or Pac?

D: Definitely Pac


WW: Do rappers acting in mainstream movies hurt their street cred?

D: Not at all

M: It ain't hurt 50 & Eminem......and its definetly not gonna hurt fine ass TI.....w/ or w/o roller skates on he sexy w/ his gangstaness

WW: What’s up with new ATL dances? You feeling them?

M: Lean wit it rock with it.....I practice this joint, and I believe I'm a pretty skilled dancer, but there is a certain pop I'm not gettin when I'm rockin with it. I can lean back with it but its the rock twist I can't get during side transition. My sister Betty got that joint down that on video. Anyhow to answer the question I'd feel them if there wasn't a new one coming out every week. I'm still tryin to get over B's check on it joint ......

D: That shit is new??? I’ve been snapping my fingers since I was toddler. Its fun though. (lean wit it….)

WW: On a scale of retardedness what would you rate Dem Franchise Boyz and D4L beef over the dance?

D: So called “thugs” beefing over who started a dance = a gay porn movie plot

M: One word: Fudgepackers
Confession: I like all there dance songs. lol there I said it..........

WW: How big is 36 Mafia winning an Oscar?

D: That just showed how much Hollywood loves watching/playing the “Minstrel Show”, all we are are pimps, ho’s, bad cops, and drug dealers

M: Major especially cuz that was my 1st EVER HIP HOP INTERVIEW. Mucho props to them. But I agree with DMoon the crackers know how to exploit ignorance to they advantage.

WW: And did they deserve it?

M: Sure they deserved. The movie and song showed the long & hard process of writing lyrics, to getting a beat and managin your bars & choros. Shit was especially bangin in the theatres. Not better than Get Rich or Die Trying blowin the speakers out off the break with I WHOOP YOUR HEAD BOYYYYYYYYY. I play that in the mornigns to wake me up. So kudos to Three 6 better them than Brokeback.

D: It was better than that pathetic song from ‘Crash’, but Dolly Parton sure got some big ol titties

WW: Jeezy or T.I.? pick only one.

D: Jeezy

M: Easy: TI hands down and thats not biased cuz I want to sexually molest him but becuase I been into that trap music for quite some time.

WW: Who the best and who the hottest rapper out the ATL right now?

D: T.I.


WW: Who the best and who the hottest rapper out the H-Town right now?

D: Scarface will always be the best outta Houston.

M: Scarface all day. FACE MOB. That never snitch song w/ B.Sigel off My Homies pt.2 is sicko

WW: How about them Dipset boys? Are they going to do damage on there own?

M: Camron is ruining the Dipset image by being pressed. But I must say I've loved Killa Cam since the horse & carriage days. I used to think Dip Set was wack, like they was trying to hard. But I really like them now after "Certified Gangstas" came out I started to take there comical lyrics seriously, as in I seriously started laughing. Killa Cam always been comical. He got this part on Juelz Shottas song that will make u piss your pants. Something bout "coco bread yes I'm a loco head" and he throws in "zoom zoom pum pum" somewhere also LOLOL. In regards to Dip Set I respect them and there movement. Used to think JIm Jones looked like a chester molestor but he is a certified business man. I like JR Rider waitin on his shit to drop. Hell Rell is cool, nice on the mic but harsh on the eyez. You seen the JJ Evans immitating the infamous Shawn Carter in the Camron video? How he gonna wear the $.50 shenclettas from Kmart?

D: They’ll be fine

WW: Can Dipset hang with G-unit? Hmmmmmmmm good question.

D: Sales = no…. Talent = they are close to being better already.

M: Cam can't handle 50's leadership and 50 can't handle Cam being a leader as well. Its like one or the other. Can't have two kings.......

WW: Who should I be listening to from the West Coast?

D: Murs

M: BAY AREA. Sike I like The GAME. Look out for DRE 2006

WW: Is this Bay Area movement real or a fad like STL one a couple years ago?

M: Prally a fad. Just got back from the BAY. I was in San Diego last weekend. Gorgeous ova there, friendly people, one black person, and extremely boring and conservative. Wait is San Diego Bay area?

D: What about the Chicago sound, niggas be frontin on us

WW: Is
ghost riding the whip cool or what?

D: This guy is still doing it hasn’t missed a beat

M: Ummm I don't understand the question......I do know FISHCALE out in stores soon........

WW: Lil’ Jon or Manny Fresh? Pick only one.

D: Manny

M: Fresh Fresh FFFFFFresh. Mannie Fresh & all his finger movements while rapping. I like how he shouted out Ethiopians.....

WW: Really how good is Kanye West? Is he hip-hop’s messiah?

M: He ain't no messiah but the kid has mad talent. I like him when he not up his own ass and just making feel good music. I must say his last video is the shit w/ Nia Motha Fuckin Long.

D: Highly slept on. When’s the last time you heard something as original as Kanye’s last 2 albums

WW: How do you feel about Jay-Z biting so many other rappers lines?

M: I dont' feel. He's the greatest rapper alive so he can do what he wants. Bite Deez

D: Everybody and their sister are rappers these days, how can you fault someone for using the same line. Shit 90% of all rap is recycled (beats, themes, and rhymes)

WW: Put me on to the next big thing. Song or Artist.

M: NE-YO lol seriously I love Ne-Yo's debut album........EARLY. Also look out for Ja Rule come back.......sike a boo boo................If JR Rider would come out he'd make a soundscan movement......

D: The Soundprophets

WW: On a personal note, do you remember the Ethiopian rap I did over Mimi’s phone back at College Park? Was I a bamma or what?

D: I do remember the Ethiopia rap. HAHAHAA!!! Hilarious… I still got love for Ethiopia, though.

M: I don't remember the voicemail message, however I'm sure there were plenty of ignorant joints coming from ya'll dorm room. Does persian carpet ring a bell? LOL. Anyways I do remember the Starvin Ethiopian poem on my and I'm embarrassed to admit this "blackplanet page". Can't believe I was a member of that gayfest. Anyhow it was hilarious, but again everything u do is funny!!!! Ya'll put me on to Starvin Marvin & South Park if that helps.......

WW: Thanks for talking with me. We have to do this again.

M: That was fun Will, thanx!
RIP: Proof from D12.....

D: No doubt, my nigga

This week's Playlist

April 13, 2006

What I’m Listening To: 4-13-06

Will’s Mix – Click to Play. [90.4 MB] Playlist: What You Know About Dat - FreeWay I Never Testified - FreeWay Testify (G-Unit Diss) - The Game feat. Techniec & Charli Baltimore I Never Snitch (Remix) - Scarface Feat. Beanie Sigel & The Game Bounce Back (Irv Gotti Diss) - Charli Baltimore Shottas - Juelz Santana feat. Sizzla & Cam'ron Gangsta Shit - Juelz Santana Lil Boy Fresh - Juelz Santana I Got A Story To Tell - The Notorious B.I.G. Three Bricks - Ghostface Killah Feat. The Notorious B.I.G. & Raekwon 9 Milli Bros - Ghostface Killah Feat Wu-Tang Clan Reunited - Wu-Tang Clan Gravel Pit - Wu-Tang Clan The Champ - Ghostface Killah Back Like That - Ghostface Killah feat. Ne-Yo Get Down Like That (Remix) - Ne-Yo feat. Ghostface So Sick (Remix) - Ne-Yo feat. LL Cool J So High - Jagged Edge Dance For Me - Daron Jones (of 112) feat. D4L Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It - Dem Franchize Boyz Betcha Can't Do It Like Me - D4L Check My Foot Work - D4L The Body Rock - Purple Ribbon All-Stars Snap Ya Fingaz - Lil Jon feat. E-40 Lil Daddy (Remix) - Chopper (aka Young City) feat. Lil Wayne & Jody Breeze You Know Who I Be - Jody Breeze Fast Forward - Jody Breeze feat. Freeway Stackin Paper - Jody Breeze feat. Slim Thug Take It Outside - Jody Breeze feat. Lil Jon & Pastor Troy I'm A G - Young Jeezy feat. Jody Breeze AK's and Chevrolets - Jody Breeze feat. Sean Paul & Trick Daddy Believe Me - Fort Minor Bossy - Kelis feat. Too Short Gettin Some Head - Shawna Control Myself - LL Cool J feat. JLo S.O.S. (Rescue Me) - Rihanna Crazy - Gnarls Barkley Ms. New Booty - Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins & Mr. Collipark Oye Mi Canto (Remix) - N.O.R.E. Feat. Daddy Yankee, Nina Sky, Gemstar & Mato Rompe (Remix) - Daddy Yankee Tempted To Touch (remix) - Rupee feat. Daddy Yankee Rompe (Remix) - Daddy Yankee feat. Lloyd Banks and Young Buck We Want In - Saigon feat. Ali Vegas Runnin away - Sleepy Brown feat. Big Boi & Killer Mike Past Music They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 4-3-06 They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 11-28-05 They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 11-21-05 Attention iTunes Users This blog is setup as a podcast meaning you can have new music and videos automatically downloaded to your iTunes software as they come out with a one time set up. Just click on the xml button: on the right and then click on the "Subscribe with Yahoo! Music Engine/iTunes" button. Open the downloaded file. It is an iTunes file and it will add this site to your podcast directory.

I got a MySpace Page Now

I fought it long enough, I finally created a MySpace page. I had to get one in order to get full access to some music info. The addess is Also, any girls still in high school don't even look at my page. I don't want no trouble.

April 11, 2006

Enter the Priest

Game review time. As many of you know I have had a lot of free time recently. Well let me tell you about a game I stumbled upon. It’s called The Movies. I love it. It is like the Sims and SimCity but with making movies. You run a Movie Studio. You have to hire actors, crew, directors, and writers. You create movies with these sim people to make money and classics. You start in the early history of TV and go into the 2000’s. I was engrossed in the game. I was making hits early in my studio’s history and then we went broke and couldn't buy a hit. Then in the late 80’s I hired a young up and coming actor that shared my father’s name, Henry Washington. He changed the game. I present the movie that launched his career and changed my studio around - from the bottom to the top. We were back at the Oscar's.

Enter the Priest is a fascinating example of the blaxploitation cinema that flourished in the early 1970s. A true street disciple, Priest Jackson cleans up the street one scum at a time while still pleasing the community.

QuickTime version [12.1 MB]

Windows Media version [4.7 MB]

April 05, 2006

National Champions

They did it. Damn, do we love rioting in College Park. National Champions! This is the first time the University of Maryland Women’s Basketball team won the National Championship. And they won it in good fashion too. It was more exciting than the Men’s National Championship game. After being down by ten at the half Maryland stormed back and forced an overtime, when Freshmen Kristi Toliver clutch 3 pointer. Her veins pump ice water. She’s a star in College Park tonight. Once in overtime, the Terps fought, scratched, and clawed their way to a National Championship. We are all proud of them. And what made the win even sweeter was that it was on the school that every Maryland fans loves to hate, Duke.

Brenda Frese - Head Coach
Jeff Walz - Assistant Coach
Erica Floyd - Assistant Coach
Joanna Bernabei - Assistant Coach
Mark Pearson - Director of Basketball Operations

Charmaine Carr
Marissa Coleman
Shay Doron
Kalika France
Laura Harper
Crystal Langhorne
Christie Marrone
Ashleigh Newman
Aurelie Noirez
Jade Perry
Angel Ross
Kristi Toliver
Sa'de Wiley-Gatewood

Check out the Maryland Site

April 04, 2006

What I’m Listening To: 4-3-06

Will’s Mix – Click to Play. [42 MB] Playlist: Who's Gonna Ride (Nick Cannon Diss) - Christina Milian feat. 36 Mafia I'm N Luv Wit A Stripper pt. 2 - T-Pain feat. R.Kelly, Twista, Paul Wall, Pimp C, MJG, Too Short, and Akon Gimme That( Mannie Fresh Remix) - Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne Dope Girl - Brooke Valentine feat. Pimp C Hold Up - UGK feat. Paul Wall Go Get Ya Wet Wipes - Cam'ron Touch It Or Not - Cam'ron feat. Lil Webbie Ridin' Dirty (NY Remix) - Chamillionaire feat. Jae Millz and Papoose Fuck You - Bohagon Bojangles - Pitbull Tell Me When To Go - E-40 Spin Your Rag - Elephant Man What You Know About That - T.I. Get Throwed Up - UGK feat. Young Jeezy and Jay-Z Hustlin (Remix) - Rick Ross feat. Busta Rhymes Past Music They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 11-28-05 They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 11-21-05 Attention iTunes Users This blog is setup as a podcast meaning you can have new music and videos automatically downloaded to your iTunes software as they come out with a one time set up. Just click on the xml button: on the right and then click on the "Subscribe with Yahoo! Music Engine/iTunes" button. Open the downloaded file. It is an iTunes file and it will add this site to your podcast directory.

April 02, 2006

One Game Left

Congratulations to the Lady Terps. They are in the NCAA National Championship. They just beat UNC to earn a place at the big show. North Carolina end their season with only two loses, both to them girls from College Park. I’m siced for them. National Championships are a big deal. Just like the men’s National Championship, I hope we get to riot after the victory. The Championship game is April 4th at 8:30pm on ESPN.

Ok It Was A Little Lame

Ok, so it might have been a “lame ass attempt” at an April Fool’s Day trick, like a certain somebody made a point to point out. But isn’t it the thought that counts? And since when did black people start using the word lame anyway? I’ll be the first to admit in retrospect that it wasn’t that good of a joke, but I’m not that creative at three in the morning after playing some intense Halo with the Bowie State Comp Sci Boys. “I like to rock the black, cause I got a cool killer look.”
While putting the finishing touches some posts to be placed on the blog for a later date. Because I promised myself that I would work on it more, since the number of my subscribers has quadrupled since November. I’m not talking about the people that just stop thru and see a page. I’m talking about subscribers. They are people that request to get new shit automatically and regularly. These are the people Da Franchise Boyz are talking about, random ass people off the net that stumbled on my shit and liked it. Boy, I think they like me.
Anyway, I saw the date and it was April Fool’s Day and I was like I got to do something. I got to fuck with somebody. I was going to get at that bamma that had a problem with what I said about P. Diddy. Earlier, Chalmer hit me up with a guest writing spot about motherfuckers and their cell phone, which I will have to follow up on because he missed some people I got beef with. I decided to write a post saying that I was giving up the blog. Then I had to think of a how. I picked I was going to prison. This was one I could work with, joke wise, but now that I look back it probably wasn’t the best one. Literally four weeks ago, I was at a coming home party for one of my cousins that just finished a 20-year bid. Now I think it the idea was a little insensitive. But that’s the story of my life. Say it now and apologize later for it.
A good April Fool’s Day joke takes a proper balance of fact and fiction to work. And I took a piss and a little bit missed the toilet (You can use that quote). The story was not outrageous enough to be completely unbelievable. It was like 4 am at this point. I have crazier real stories. Plus, I’m not good at lying. I like to kill’em with the truth. For the people that missed my post and/or email and are now just catching up, “it’s whatever”. You missed it. I made the web page talk for the people that visited the site on that day. I was a little siced that I could do that. Now be honest with yourself, if you missed it stop reading this shit and wait for the next shit to go down, you’re late. You missed the bus.
For the people that didn’t fall for it: I don’t care if it was April Fool’s Day or not, what the fuck is wrong with you?! I was going to jail and you didn’t care? You should have been like, “Oh, Will that’s tragic, want can I do for you?” You ain’t have be on my nuts or anything but show some fucking concern. I’ll be the first to say I ain’t cute, but I am way to pretty to go to jail. And I’m not a flat booty brother either. Ladies, you can bounce quarters of off my ass. Check it, I used to work out and I get it from my momma. The last thing, I don’t need to be is in a prison shower with a 250 lbs grown ass man thinking, “Shorty got ass.” I can’t be anywhere like that. You know I’m a little homophobic. I’m not built for that shit nor do I want to be. Yall should have cared about my ass (no pun intended). Sadly, I probably would have gotten a college degree faster if I went the locked up route. Prison lawyers are the bomb. For the people that say, I know you, Will. And you’re a good guy and would never get in trouble and to have to go to jail. Bullshit, don’t think for a second, I won’t catch a case right now and go straight to jail. I’m a Black man in American and that’s real. You can clap for that.
For the people that did fall for it: Ha Ha. April Fools. Gotcha good huh? Unlike the motherfuckers I addressed above, I like you because you like me. Yall are the real ones in my eyes. I appreciate the love and support shown, and that’s real. The advice how to be strong and for me not to let anyone toss my salad with neither jelly nor syrup was touching in a thug love type of way. Even my buddy, who was born in hell but kicked because she was too mean instantly, showed me a lot of love. I must be rubbing off on her. Everything was all in the spirit of April Fool’s Day so no hard feelings, but do know I got your back just like you got mine, even the bammas that didn’t care if I got locked up. That’s the type of person, I am. That’s why even Jesus wears a “What Would Will Wash Do?” t-shirt.
Even though no one took up the offer for the nudie pictures (for which I was greatly disappointed by), writing people is still important. We can work into the nudie pictures later. Cause everybody got a little freak in them (preview of a future post). For years now, I write to my uncle serving a life sentence from getting caught up with some shady (out respect of the dead, it would be in appropriate to use the b-word, but that’s another story) girlfriend shit, although, I don’t write as often as I should. Just about everybody knows someone locked up or has been, especially if your Black, Hispanic, White, and Arabs now. Arabs just can’t talk to their people while they’re in Guantanamo Bay. Write them a letter and send them a picture of the family. When one of my other cousins was locked up he said one of favorite things to do was draw naked girls. Now that’s real, because you can’t be mad at that. Can’t go the gay route and dudes love women and sex neither of which you can get or want to get in jail. Remember, they are friends or family members locked up with monsters and have no contact to the outside normal world. Be their link. It’s costs nothing but time and thought to you however it’s worth a fortune to them. Ask anyone who been locked up.
Now for the after school special time, what have I learn from this? Some of you bammas don’t care if I get shanked or ass raped. I hope you feel guilty. It was fucked up, insensitive, and in bad taste for me to play a trick on those that do care if I get booty hole taken. I hope we all can hug make-up. I like hugs… They make you feel warm… Oh yea, one thing I am interested to know is, what did people think I was on parole for in the first place? That would be an interesting survey.
I still love you guys.
Your boy,
Will Wash
P.S. Even though I’m not going to be serving time, we can still hit up the strip club. “When she give me a lap dance it feels like we’re on a date. Cause I’m in love with a stripper.”
P.S.S. Shout out to Luan for photoshoping my mug shot. Too funny. He must want my ass to get taking.

April 01, 2006


This is the first of many posts to be written by someone else. The post is done by my friend Chalmer. We see eye to eye on a lot of subjects and have a similar sense of humor so the quality of the posts should not change. Support my boy while I’m gone.


Here is my problem with them and yes I do own one if that is a concern of yours. Why do people act as if go out and do not bring one with you their must be something wrong with you. These things are not what rules your life and also as a friend states a part of your life. They are cellphones.

Cellphones is the topic and I know this topic is old and that there are enough topics about them but I am going to talk about them anyway.

Cellphones does have pluses. It can serve as a tracking device and it can help out in emergencies. Cellphones can be used in court to help out in your defense on a case against you. Cellphone conversations recorded and subpoenaed by federal courts in federal cases can get you off on a charge. it can be used as a location device to find individuals or to meet people at certain locations.

Cellphone negatives. Cellphones can be used as a tracking device. For those players, pimps, rollers, hoes, bitches, cheaters, fuck buddies, skanks, friends on the side, crazy ex-boyfriends and girlfriends, baby daddies and mommies, Tyrone, or Shanekas out there this is not good for you. They either call at the wrong time or your true mate starts to question who is calling you when the phone goes off around them. Or if your you are hanging with one of these individuals and your mate calls you either one of these individuals will blow up your spot or you do not answer the phone and that leads to more questions from your mate which leads to more lies and more drama etc.

For emergency - If I am in a bad car accident does any one think that am really going to reach for my cellphone to give them a call. Hell no. I am going to try to either sit still or try to get out by any means necessary rather than making a cellphone call. Look let me explain it to you. I call some one saying, " I got into a accident, I am dying, pleaseee help." What the fuck is the first thing they are going to do... You got it ask you a question, nigger I am dying. Instead of saying save your strength and not talk so you can actually live through this they want to asks you 101 questions and then you end up dying answering all their questions. This is not help!

If you are doing a crime I hope that your are not using a cellphone to discuss the details of that crime or soon to be crime. Otherwise, you are a dumb ass that deserves to get caught. Also, if you are around another individuals that has a cellphone they can hit this devilish little button that can record your conversations which can be used against you. So, please watch what you say around individuals, cause they can be setting you up. Camera phone is a subject i will not even get into because that can be a subject all on it own with crime. If you are doing crimes it is safe to say it is better to stay clear away from cellphones. Just a little advice.

Next, up I know many people will feel me on this one. But I know their will be haters or buttpimples to say the least that will say that they are excellent at driving and talking on the cellphones at the same time. But I am here to say your not. Cellphone drivers are almost as bad if not worst then Asian women drivers, old black men, bimbo drivers, epileptic drivers, and the too old to drive about to kill everyone on the street drivers. These people on cellphone cut you off drive down one way streets, speed while having these intense conversations, not caring about anyone but their conversations on the phone. They cross solid lines, run stop signs, red lights, drive extra slow, do not care about weather conditions, loose control of their vehicles trying to get their dropped cell phones, and the list can go on and on. Yet, people still think that they are great drivers using their cellphones. When you paying attention to other things your reaction time is slower, dumb ass. I know I speed and that is probably a understatement but I do not talk on the phone when I drive. If I do it is usually a 1-2 minute conversation.

Next is the status cellphone users as I will refer to them. These are the people that thinks that if they get a lot of calls on your cell phone that somehow makes them popular, the shit or whatever that means. No, that does not make you popular it makes you a mindless, rude, motherfucker. If your out hanging with your so called friends, and most of the time your on the phone, are you really hanging with your friends. Because if I was one of your so called friends I will tell you maybe you should be out with that or those people your talking to because obviously we are not fun to hang with. Which in fact they will probably would say, "your not as popular or fun or have a rack of bitches or dudes tring to be with you, so your hating on them." My answer is no. I keep my women in check, so they know not to blow up my phone or they actually have lives and have things to do.


I am no long going to be able to continue working my site for a while. For the many of you that did not know, I am/was on parole. And unfortunately, the bad news is that I have to finish serving my sentence after violating parole. Even though the blog is quietly taking off, my not being able to work on my blog is the least of my worries. I’m too lightweight and pretty to be locked up. Luckily, I never had to serve time before, but now because of my parole violation, I am force to serve. To be honest, I’m scared as shit. But I’m going to have to be strong. The situation really could have been avoided and it pisses me off. Fucking with my badass cousin. I told that nigga, I was on parole, and I can’t be around nobody bad. You know a person is bad when they like to break the law and are not scared of the police. We inside 7-eleven at 6 o’clock in the afternoon and his hot ass want to be in there stealing shit. This dumb motherfucker did not see the police buying some fucking donuts at the register. This nigga was spotted like a kool aid stain on a white shirt. Police officer called him over. I broke in a southern slave sweat of nervousness. Why did this nigga get grab his dick, yell, “Fuck you” and started to beat his feet. Who the fuck does that? This motherfucking delinquent left me standing there blown like shit. I looked like the goddamn president when he’s asked and unscripted “how” question. Anyway, they wrapped me up. I am passing over the responsibility of this blog to friend. Hopefully, you guys will keep showing the love until I get out. By the way, the “Free Will Wash” T-shirts have already been ordered. You know how I do. I’ll only be gone for a couple months but still. Jail is jail. I going to have to go hard and learn how make a shanks to protect my booty hole. I’m going to miss all yall, don’t forget about me. I’m going to punish that bamma ass cousin of mine next I see him. Know for sure, I ain’t snitch on him. We are definitely going to be partying when I get out. And I expect everyone to write me while I’m in there. Ladies, sexy nudie pictures will be greatly appreciated. I love you guys. Your boy, Will Wash P.S. the correctional facility address will be posted.

March 31, 2006

Best Sign Ever

This is the best sign ever. I would give him some money just for the creativity and I know what it feels like to 8,7 ninjas jump out of nowhere and attack you. I respect that.

Black Sci-Fi

I love movies. I got a decent DVD collection. One thing I have noticed is that there are no Black sci-fi movies or shows. I happen to like sci-fi shit. I watched Firefly and Star Trek- the first two only, the rest were garbage. Oh shit, I hear the Trekie fanboys keyboards going now with hate mail. I know what the corporations are saying, Black people don’t watch sci-fi and that why UPN and BET don’t have any sci-fi shows. So what. I know Black people don’t watch sci-fi in masses. Ever seen a Trek convention or a Star Wars convention? The black faces are few in between. But I know Black people love Star Wars, go Lando! Maybe Black people don’t go crazy for Sci-Fi shows because there are no shows specifically for them.

I propose a sci-fi show for the Black audience. It will take place in the not too distant in the urban environment. It will star a cool ass captain. Much cooler than Kirk, that’s for sure. They wouldn't even call him captain; they’ll call him War chief. I’ll have someone like Sam Jackson play it. War Chief would have his crew fight hi-tech enemies and solving stupid mysteries. They would communicate with the Nextel-Sprite phone cause nigga’s love the sci-fi sound of the Nextel chirp. For eye candy, his second in charge will be fine looking sister that will keep bammas tuning in because of her good looks and stylish outfit. She’ll be sister with style and attitude. Rounding off the crew would be two knuckleheads. They can be played by Mike Epps and Kat Williams, the Wayans Brothers, or youngins funny like that. They would solve paternity tests using sci-fi technology, like DNA tests and lie detector tests. Because, evidently that technology is still new and space age to the brothers caught up on the Maury Show. The spaceship would be pimped out flip down computer screens, leather seat, and chrome lining. The action will be gangsterist with attitudes and guns. I know it’s not a word but that how it will be, gangsterist. The good guys will be the bad guys. They rob, steal, sell, and smuggle under the nose of the big ruling empire/government. Shoot it like a music video and I would watch that shit.

March 30, 2006

March Madness

March Madness in full effect. Big shout out to the University of Maryland at College Park Women’s Basketball team. The Ladies are in the final four and that’s huge. I remember when they were the redheaded stepchildren of Maryland’s Athletic Program. I sat there watching and suffering. Now there good and are winners. It’s to bad their success is at the same time as George Mason historic NCAA tourney game play. I feel they are being out shadowed when it’s their time to shine because the men’s team is rebuilding and cannot currently beat the DeMatha High School basketball team. Not to take anything from Mason cause I like the way they are playing team ball and some of them boys are from my area of town. I’m going with for both team winning this weekend.

The Game's Stop Snitchin' Stop Lyin' DVD Review

Ok like I promised, I seen The Game’s DVD. I’m going to help you all out and tell you not to buy it unless you are either The Game’s Mother and one of his other relatives or a serious fanboy of The Game; also known as a dick rider. Before I start receiving hate mail from the sack lovers, like I did after my Diddy comments, I’m not a 50 Cent super fan and I am not hating on The Game. I hating on the DVD. It was garbage. As an expert of making garbage home videos, and my shit on a $500 camcorder with no production value puts his shit to shame. While watching it I was reminded of Jack Nicholson’s performance in the Shining. The Stop Snitchin' Stop Lyin' DVD was the ramblings of a mad man into a camera and nothing more. He was walking around the house talking about how he dislikes 50 and G-unit. Then he walks around town talking about how he dislikes 50 and G-unit. After that he walks around New York talking about how he dislikes 50 and G-unit. Boring. The whole time I was thinking how long is this piece of shit. The climax was that he drive by 50’s house. That’s it. He just drives by the house. Nothing happens. A drive-by camcordering. And 50 lives in a estate mansion. So you can’t even see the house, you just get the gate. The best part was him getting followed by the hip hop police and getting arrested in a weak ass North Carolina mall while talking about how much he dislike 50 and G-unit. They needed a follow up piece on that. That was the only part interesting me. I wanna know what the charges were and if he took legal action against the NC police for arresting him for no reason other than walking around talking about how he dislikes 50 and G-unit. But the DVD had to be gangster with him posting bail with cash and continuing on his way walking and talking about how he dislikes 50 and G-unit. If he is making money off this DVD then I’m hating because my home videos are so much more interesting. By the way, there are no facts presented in the DVD that could better sice the 50 cent – Game beef. It’s just mad ramblings about who is a bitch and shit. Apparently, a homeless dude in L.A. says he knew Olivia when she was a man. People save your money or use it to buy The Game’s Stop Snitchin' Stop Lyin' Mixtape. The mixtape is the complete opposite of the DVD. I call it a mixtape because in order to be the soundtrack, the music needs to be in the video but it’s not. The Game couldn’t clear any of his hits for the DVD. It was so low budget. The Mixtape is pretty good. The hatred runs deep on it. I love diss records and this is full of them. My favorite disses are from Charli Baltimore, the newest member of Game’s Black Wall Street. She gets at 50 and Irv while adding creditability to Cam’ron statements that Hova be lovin’*.

*Lovin’ is a slang term used in the Washington, DC Area in reference to people that go that extra mile and “be loving” the hoes and/or the strippers. Also used in reference to dudes that go above and beyond to handcuff and smother females. They are lovers.

Will Wash Dictionary

It has been pointed out to me that I write like I talk and all types of people read this site and they may not talk like I me and may not understand my slang. So I have the Will Wash Dictionary. I am from the Washington, DC area so many people for that area will know it, but there is occasionally phases that are used in my inner circle of friends. As I run across words, terms, or phase that a normal person may not clearly understand I will add it.




1. A person who is not very trendy, whether it be fashion or music: "Ugh! Look at his shape-up...and his beat-up Pro Wings. He`s such a bamma."
2. A wack person.
General Washington, DC Area slang.

Beat your feet
1. A DC Area GoGo dance.
2. To run really hard. "Soon as he heard the siren, he was beating his feet."

To be very upset/disappointed. General Washington, DC Area slang.

To be excited, proud: "He was so boosted when he found out he got an A on his history test." General Washington, DC Area slang.

References to White people who name is unknown. Cambridge Hall, UMD slang


To disrespect someone: "Jimmy tried to holla at Crystal, but she carried him by walking away" General Washington, DC Area slang.


A dick rider
A nut hugger
A sack lover

A fucking fanboy groupie of a particular individual. You are exhibiting dick rider behavior if I say something like this to you, “He ain’t Jesus, get off his dick!” or “Wipe your chin.”



Fanboy is a term used to describe a male who is utterly devoted to a single subject or hobby, often to the point where it is considered an obsession.

New or very clean. “He keeps his Air Force Ones tight”


Get at ‘em
To challenge someone with full intentions of winning. “When it comes to rapping I think I can get at him lyrically.”

Go Hard
To out perform. To be tough. "They couldn't stop us, we go hard."


To talk to. “Let me holla at ya.”

Action(s) that could lead to someone getting in trouble. “Every time we go get some new shit, Tyrone be acting real hot.” General Washington, DC Area slang.



kinda/sorta or very, depending on emphasis: "She is ja phat" General Washington, DC Area slang.

Making fun of another person: "Did u see that dude`s shape-up? They was joning at the lunch table all period." General Washington, DC Area slang.


References to Latino people who name is unknown. Cambridge Hall, UMD slang



Loose lips
Unable to control what they say. Either has a problem of talking just to be talking or says thing without concern of consequences. “I’m warning you before you come over, my grandma can be rude, her lips are real loose.” General Washington, DC Area slang.

Lovin’ is a slang term used in the Washington, DC Area in reference to people that go that extra mile and wife the hoes and/or the strippers. Also used in reference to dudes that go above like excessive sweet-talking for nothing and going above beyond to handcuff and smother females. They are lovers and the opposite of pimps. “I seen what he wrote on her page, he be facebook lovin’.”

joking around, acting foolishly: "During my free periods, we just be walking around or straight lunching, cuz we be bored" General Washington, DC Area slang.


A mud muck
A musk rat
A monster

A butt ugly person.




to be annoying, conceited: "He was so pressed to show everyone he got an A; he gets on my nerves" General Washington, DC Area slang.

to dispense with readily, to handle easily; deals with sexual intercourse when used in reference to girls General Washington, DC Area slang.




To handcuff a female. To rescue a prostitute or stripper from their lifestyle. To save for one's self. "I can't take my cousin to the stripe club cause he be trying to save them. Talking about, 'Girl, why doing this?'" See Project Pat's song: "Don't Save Her" Special Note: Most hoes don't wanna be saved and you can't turn a ho into a house wife.

unfortunate: "I can`t give u a ride, young. Either ask Chris or u short" General Washington, DC Area slang.

to over exaggerate: “Tamika not even that tight Isaac Ji Siced her. General Washington, DC Area slang.

to be excited, proud: "He was so siced when he found out he got an A on his history test" General Washington, DC Area slang.

Put to Sleep
To get physically knocked out. “Big Cuz got slumped!”

to punch, assault someone: "Young, if u dont get out my face, Ima steal u slam in ur jaw" “Jimmy said something about Barron’s mom, he got stole off the top. You know Barron don’t play.” General Washington, DC Area slang.


A good thing. “That movie was tight.” “Is she tight?” General Washington, DC Area slang.

Tip Drill

A woman who is only attractive from the neck down.


References to Black people who name is unknown. Cambridge Hall, UMD slang




unfavorable, uncool, unpoplar or very loser-like.
1. "What is with this wack-ass grade you gave me? i got all the right answers and you still gave me a 'D', man"
2. "Do you know how wack you look right now? If I ever see you wear those highwater jeans and small-ass t-shirt again....."

Wrap Up
To get pressed out someone. "Don't wrap me up."



equivalent to "son" or "kid" in NY; similar to "yo" also: "Young, Im sick of school" or "Chill out, joe. It aint even that serious"