April 02, 2006

Ok It Was A Little Lame

Ok, so it might have been a “lame ass attempt” at an April Fool’s Day trick, like a certain somebody made a point to point out. But isn’t it the thought that counts? And since when did black people start using the word lame anyway? I’ll be the first to admit in retrospect that it wasn’t that good of a joke, but I’m not that creative at three in the morning after playing some intense Halo with the Bowie State Comp Sci Boys. “I like to rock the black, cause I got a cool killer look.”
While putting the finishing touches some posts to be placed on the blog for a later date. Because I promised myself that I would work on it more, since the number of my subscribers has quadrupled since November. I’m not talking about the people that just stop thru and see a page. I’m talking about subscribers. They are people that request to get new shit automatically and regularly. These are the people Da Franchise Boyz are talking about, random ass people off the net that stumbled on my shit and liked it. Boy, I think they like me.
Anyway, I saw the date and it was April Fool’s Day and I was like I got to do something. I got to fuck with somebody. I was going to get at that bamma that had a problem with what I said about P. Diddy. Earlier, Chalmer hit me up with a guest writing spot about motherfuckers and their cell phone, which I will have to follow up on because he missed some people I got beef with. I decided to write a post saying that I was giving up the blog. Then I had to think of a how. I picked I was going to prison. This was one I could work with, joke wise, but now that I look back it probably wasn’t the best one. Literally four weeks ago, I was at a coming home party for one of my cousins that just finished a 20-year bid. Now I think it the idea was a little insensitive. But that’s the story of my life. Say it now and apologize later for it.
A good April Fool’s Day joke takes a proper balance of fact and fiction to work. And I took a piss and a little bit missed the toilet (You can use that quote). The story was not outrageous enough to be completely unbelievable. It was like 4 am at this point. I have crazier real stories. Plus, I’m not good at lying. I like to kill’em with the truth. For the people that missed my post and/or email and are now just catching up, “it’s whatever”. You missed it. I made the web page talk for the people that visited the site on that day. I was a little siced that I could do that. Now be honest with yourself, if you missed it stop reading this shit and wait for the next shit to go down, you’re late. You missed the bus.
For the people that didn’t fall for it: I don’t care if it was April Fool’s Day or not, what the fuck is wrong with you?! I was going to jail and you didn’t care? You should have been like, “Oh, Will that’s tragic, want can I do for you?” You ain’t have be on my nuts or anything but show some fucking concern. I’ll be the first to say I ain’t cute, but I am way to pretty to go to jail. And I’m not a flat booty brother either. Ladies, you can bounce quarters of off my ass. Check it, I used to work out and I get it from my momma. The last thing, I don’t need to be is in a prison shower with a 250 lbs grown ass man thinking, “Shorty got ass.” I can’t be anywhere like that. You know I’m a little homophobic. I’m not built for that shit nor do I want to be. Yall should have cared about my ass (no pun intended). Sadly, I probably would have gotten a college degree faster if I went the locked up route. Prison lawyers are the bomb. For the people that say, I know you, Will. And you’re a good guy and would never get in trouble and to have to go to jail. Bullshit, don’t think for a second, I won’t catch a case right now and go straight to jail. I’m a Black man in American and that’s real. You can clap for that.
For the people that did fall for it: Ha Ha. April Fools. Gotcha good huh? Unlike the motherfuckers I addressed above, I like you because you like me. Yall are the real ones in my eyes. I appreciate the love and support shown, and that’s real. The advice how to be strong and for me not to let anyone toss my salad with neither jelly nor syrup was touching in a thug love type of way. Even my buddy, who was born in hell but kicked because she was too mean instantly, showed me a lot of love. I must be rubbing off on her. Everything was all in the spirit of April Fool’s Day so no hard feelings, but do know I got your back just like you got mine, even the bammas that didn’t care if I got locked up. That’s the type of person, I am. That’s why even Jesus wears a “What Would Will Wash Do?” t-shirt.
Even though no one took up the offer for the nudie pictures (for which I was greatly disappointed by), writing people is still important. We can work into the nudie pictures later. Cause everybody got a little freak in them (preview of a future post). For years now, I write to my uncle serving a life sentence from getting caught up with some shady (out respect of the dead, it would be in appropriate to use the b-word, but that’s another story) girlfriend shit, although, I don’t write as often as I should. Just about everybody knows someone locked up or has been, especially if your Black, Hispanic, White, and Arabs now. Arabs just can’t talk to their people while they’re in Guantanamo Bay. Write them a letter and send them a picture of the family. When one of my other cousins was locked up he said one of favorite things to do was draw naked girls. Now that’s real, because you can’t be mad at that. Can’t go the gay route and dudes love women and sex neither of which you can get or want to get in jail. Remember, they are friends or family members locked up with monsters and have no contact to the outside normal world. Be their link. It’s costs nothing but time and thought to you however it’s worth a fortune to them. Ask anyone who been locked up.
Now for the after school special time, what have I learn from this? Some of you bammas don’t care if I get shanked or ass raped. I hope you feel guilty. It was fucked up, insensitive, and in bad taste for me to play a trick on those that do care if I get booty hole taken. I hope we all can hug make-up. I like hugs… They make you feel warm… Oh yea, one thing I am interested to know is, what did people think I was on parole for in the first place? That would be an interesting survey.
I still love you guys.
Your boy,
Will Wash
P.S. Even though I’m not going to be serving time, we can still hit up the strip club. “When she give me a lap dance it feels like we’re on a date. Cause I’m in love with a stripper.”
P.S.S. Shout out to Luan for photoshoping my mug shot. Too funny. He must want my ass to get taking.

1 comment:

  1. First i wasn't born in hell, get over that idea please, ugh. and @ first i thought it was all a joke, but i know if i were to say something i would be classified as being mean ( which i am not, it's all in ur mind). and then when i saw u @ work u milked it and i started to believe u. u suck :P i did ask u bout ur probation and u wouldn't tell me. but whatever. i guess i'm a sucker for believing u.
    i do remember senior yr in high school my friends uncle got locked up again and he was bubbas bitch. that must suck.
    well glad it was all a joke and ur not gonna be bubbas bitch:)
    and i wasn't BORN IN HELL. stop it please :)
    ttyl besitos