December 14, 2008

"Bad at Being Good" - Memoirs of Will Wash

I jam the flip cam up in his face. "Hey Russ! You are on the party cam!" Playing the game, Russ holds up his beer like he was doing a beer ad and says, "Old Fuzziwig Ale, it's tasty." Then he takes a sip and then TV smiles for the camera. "That's good Fuzziwig." In return Russ asks what is the device I am pointing at him. So I make a sales pitch back in return, "This is a Flip Cam. For only one hundred and seventy dollars you too can have a camcorder that the size of a cell phone." Even after being with the company for a couple of years now and participating in several company functions this was my first time meeting my co-worker, Russ' fiancee. But isn't that the beauty of company Christmas Parties? She directly asks me, "Who are you?" It was with a straight face and almost rude but not intended to be rude. I loved it after the initial shock from the bluntness. It was a sign of strength and honesty in my eyes. I liked her immediately. I was thinking, yes, I bet Russ is her bitch at home. I wanted to make a good impression on her now. So I began to tell Russ and her about my dream of wanting to be a Wedding/Family Reunion DJ. While in the middle of explaining the oh so important duties of a DJ with animated storytelling and dramatic hand motions, I hear someone call my name. "Will!" I looked around. "Will!" It was Butterfly. That is not her real name, it's one of the many nicknames I have given her. Also the most recent and fitting in my opinion. A butterfly starts off as an ugly dirt worm and transform into an attraction flying bug. But I always imagined a butterfly still sees themselves as still as dirt worm and has trouble accepting the new beautiful transformation. She was sitting over by the pool table calling me over. I was in the middle of a conversation with Russ and his fiancee whom I am meeting for the first time. I can't just walk away, it would be rude. She's a tough lady too. "Will!" She continued calling me. So finally I respond, "Yes!?" "Come here," she says. I ask, "Is it important? What is it?" "Come here." I apologized to Russ and his fiance for having to leave abruptly. Whatever she wanted it had better be good to interrupt me like this. So I go over and ask her what's up. Says her and Sunshine wants to play the buzz game. Sunshine, of course is not her real name. Another nickname to a coworker I have given out. One day too far back to remember she came to work with her hair darken, dark makeup, and black clothing. I joked she looked evil, and have been calling her Sunshine since. I look over at the counter two feet away and see the buzz game sitting almost in Sunshine's arm reach. I ask Butterfly, "Are you serious?" She responds positive. So I ask again before I begin to throw a hissy fit. "You interrupted my story for that?! It's right there! Three feet away! Reach over and you could have it!" She says, "We wanted you to play too." I asked, "Do you realized you interrupted me and called me over for nothing. That is some real hating right there. I was in the middle of a good conversation. You could tell because I was animated and bouncy. That's some real hating, you interrupted that. I asked if it was important. What you wanted could of waited." I stormed off angry. I get back to Russ and his fiancee and apologize again for the bullshit. I ask where did I leave off and tried to continue and make the story worth dealing with the interruption. The beauty of being a Wedding/Reunion DJ is that I would hook up a mic and MC - move the crowd! Also I get to have a cool DJ name. I asked Russ and his fiance for some ideas for my DJ name. I thought they all sucked. We ended on the name DJ Dubs. "This is DJ Dubs on the one's and two's! I needed everyone to stand up because it's your duty to move that booty! I got a brand new dance for you, it's called the Kesley!" I saw Kesley come in to the room and I threw her name in. Kesley was shocked. She asked if I was talking about her. I admitted that I threw her name in there once I saw her, just to mess with her. Kes is my buddy so she plays along and suddenly we had a dance battle in the works that ends with us doing the kid and play dance. I think I ended up making a decent first impression on Russ' fiancĂ©e. Mission accomplished. The Christmas party was held at our company's President's house. He had a great setup with a pool table and an air hockey table. I tried my hand at air hockey against Marlon. I was having flashbacks to the old Boys and Girls Club days. I still had some skills. After I played around with Marlon, Travis came and challenged me. He made it clear he wanted to play me. I think it was because I was talking about how much he sucked at playing pool. He wanted some justice, which is understandable. The problem was I had just finished playing and was aware of the need to get away to leave to the next spot. I said, lets just play a quick game to ten. I scored several times on myself and lost pretty bad. It was cool, I didn't think it was that important. Thirty seconds after Travis leaves the Ingo runs laughing. He says Travis said he whooped me in air hockey. In the words of the great crackhead Whitney Houston, "Aww hell to the nah!" I ran Travis down and asked for one more game. It became about pride at that point. I couldn't let him going around bragging about beating me. We played again. I played more seriously and pulled out a couple of tricks. The game face was on. I represented well and won the game in decent fashion. Satisfied with us being tied one game apiece it was time to move on. The plan was to go the Chilli's up the street and hang out. The nice thing about Chilli's it that Dom's good friend Chris bar tends there. When we arrived there Chris was smiling behind the bar. That's was nice, greeted with a smile. But there was only three seats together open at the end of bar and there was four of us, Dom, Butterfly, Sunshine, and myself. Butterfly and Sunshine grab the two seats at the end next to each other. Dom offers me the third seat, I say, “you take it.” We do the back and forth, "no you" thing. Eventually Dom pulls up another seat at the side corner of the bar. I'm stuck with the last seat. I have an issue, I prefer not to sit next to random strange dudes if I have a choice. Sunshine politely offers to switch seats with me after seeing the look on my face. I ask for a beer and begin to space out. I was tired but not really. It was a more of a mental fatigue. While I'm spacing out staring at the rodeo on TV but not actually watching it, Sunshine who was pretty tipsy is hitting on Dom's friend the bartender. Wasn't all that interested, didn't find it amusing or entertaining so I preferred to play Martian. But at some point I looked over and I saw Dom at the end of the bar with a "what are you doing?" look on his face looking at Sunshine. So me being me, I say something to Sunshine. We have a "discussion." A "discussion" to the untrained and non listening outsider could look like a heated argument but it is really not that serious. We both made some points. I said, "That's Dom's good friend. Don't lead him on if you are not serious." Sunshine said she was only playing and it's not a big deal, she was just flirting. Which I agreed with along as he was aware of that. Because he was Dom's friend and it wouldn't be right to lead on some one's friend with no intentions of anything actually happening. While we were having our "discussion," I overhear Butterfly on my left, "Can I get your number for my friend?" Maybe I am old fashion but I don't think someone should ask for someone else's number if they do not plan on calling them. Why lead them on? To my fault, I was "discussing" a topic with a tipsy girl and faulting her with the actions of someone else, Butterfly. Who for the life me, I didn't see how it would be amusing or entertaining to ask Dom's good friend for his number to give to a friend that she knew had no intention of calling him. A funny goofy stranger, maybe that would be entertaining assuming it would boost he's ego. But Chris was Dom's friend that we frequent his bar, who we will see again. Both Dom and I shared the view of inappropriateness. But Dom and Butterfly choose to not to participate in our discussion. They avoid conflict of opinions. Sunshine and I got tired of "discussing" the subject. I saw her point and she saw mine, it was just us going back and forth to keep it going. So when done, I leaned back in my chair and said to Dom and Butterfly, "Let me tell you about my dream now." I texted Sunshine the story of my dream earlier that morning to help me remember it. For the past 10 months she has been the one I text to help me remember my dreams. Sunshine says in a Sunshine tone, "I heard it already. It was well written." I laughed; I'll take compliments when I can get them. I responded, "Thanks, I guess it was ok for just waking up and typing on a cell phone." Sunshine knowing the story I was about to tell, she started texting someone on her phone. I assumed the boyfriend since it was getting late. Hopefully keeping tabs. I turn my attention to Dom and Butterfly. I ask Butterfly if she wants to switch seats. Giving her an opportunity to move away and beside Sunshine. She said no it's ok. So I begun my story, "I dreamed I was downtown in DC at a basketball game. It was weird because when the ball would go down court the camera would follow the ball." Suddenly, Butterfly just get up and leaves. She walks away not a word or a look. I was shocked. I switched to her seat closer to Dom and whispered, "Did she just walk out on my story?" He nods. I was a little ticked by that. That was pretty rude. I was telling a story to her. So waited I for her to get back before continuing the story. I saw she walked off to the bathroom. That makes sense, we was drinking and when you have to go, you have to go. Most people say something first, but understandable. So I waited. She comes back and sits in my seat next to Sunshine since I had moved over. She turns her back on us and instantly begins a conversation with Sunshine. I try to continue with my story with Dom, but she never turned around and it kept bothering me mentally until felt like she was taunting me. I could not concentrate on what I was saying. I really felt totally disrespected. Like I wasn't good enough to listen to or the first lines of my dream was that uninteresting and not worth listening to. "What is going on here?" I asked Dom. "I don't know." First I asked Dom in a normal tone, "Are you serious?" Then I raise my voice and direct it to Butterfly, "Are you serious?! You are not listening to me. You walked out on what I was saying. You completely disregarded me." The rage had been building up by then. I don't think expecting someone listen is asking too much, considering I gave her the opportunity switch seats and not listen. So when I said something about her tuning me out, she says because I was talking about shit about Sunshine and didn't want to be part of that. Which was completely and utterly incorrect. She quoted a line I said during Sunshine’s discussion and me about Chris the Bartender. At that point I was enraged because of the accusations and using that as reason to completely tune me out when she was involved in that “discussion” in the first place. It wasn't a "discussion" involving her earlier, she refused to get involved and now she brings it backs and made it an Us verse Them issue. I yelled out so loudly the whole bar must of heard, "See that's where you fucked up! You just fucked up the timeline! You weren’t listening, I was talking about my dream and you are bringing up something from earlier that we was done with. Do you even remember what I said!" Honesty I don't remember any of the other words she said but the line, "I don't care." That resonated and echoed in my head. Those were trigger words to me. It was worst than saying fuck you, because I always care. I can take a "fuck you" but to not care is to treat someone with a lack of importance. To not care about their feeling, situations, words, or condition of a friend is fraudulent and they are really not a friend. So in an effort to not say something I would later regret, I grabbed my jacket and stormed out of the restaurant. I needed to cool off because I was beyond pissed. I went out to my car and sat in the cold of the parking lot. In my mind I felt so betrayed. Not because she didn't listen my stupid dream but because out of the coworkers in the office we where the only four left that are close and still hanged out. We are the ones that made it through the drama. I saw and complain about there being a divide between the four of us already. Butterfly and I have a great relationship, as long there isn't someone else with an opinion around. Then she chooses sides and it’s never mine. Sunshine and Butterfly was a team against Me and Dom, Omid, or whoever there was. But both Sunshine and Butterfly proclaim that the divide does not exist. But that is exactly what just happened. It was Me verses Them and I didn't know it and I didn't start it. I sat in the cold thinking. I knew by her tuning me out after an animated discussion with someone else that she voluntarily didn't involve her in she had made a decision and was not really impartial like she proclaimed. And the tack in the shoe was that Sunshine and I were cool, I thought we were ok. I didn't saying anything more about it, we was done and on another subject. But somehow in Butterfly's mind, she had the illusion that there was a conflict and I was the enemy so she walked away and tuned me out. While I sat outside, Butterfly came out. I don't think she even knew why was upset, it was beyond her. So it was for me hard for to take her words as real because they were contradictions and empty sounding. While she talked, I was thinking how she sometimes confirms and never denies the fears I had about aspects of our friendship. She had just divide us and separated us when less than an hour ago she said there wasn't. And even a week before that when Sunshine and me had a misunderstanding of vibes. I asked, "Can you remember anything I said?" She responded, "You said something about basketball and an alley." "Basketball, yes. Alley, no. You wasn't listening." Because you had already written me off, I thought. I had gone against Sunshine and therefore I was the bad guy. Who cares about the bad guy? And I recalled the number of times she has said, "I don't care" to me. It made the heart heavy. I would never say that to her or anyone I called a friend. It was cold outside. She was shivering and offering nothing but presence. I don't think she could of made it better if she wanted to, the damage was done. I offered my jacket and when she refused I started to go back inside. Momma raised me right; even pissed off I don't want her freeze to death outside. While walking back she kept saying, "You are going to think what you want to think." Funny thing is, that sounded a lot like saying I don't care. It's a cop out when you don't offer an alternative thought. Butterfly is her name but on the walk back, there was no flying in my eyes, sadly she slide like a snake. I felt like betrayed like Adam and Eve. I was told world was in color only to find out it’s actually black and white and color is a theory to keep the nuts happy. "You are going to think what you want to think." I was looking for another thought, because my thoughts were so negative. But I must have been right. If someone tells you they don't care enough, you would be a fool not to believe them even if they recant later. When words contradict what do you believe? The actions? Well the actions just finished speaking. Sides were exposed in her mind and I was on the wrong side, I needed a beer. With my thoughts suppressed, I sat back down at the bar. Dom and Sunshine was chatting it up. That made me feel better. Butterfly was looking ticked off and Sunshine notice. At that point, I was my turn not to care. Since I was told I am going to think what I want to think; I wanted to think she was upset because she thinks I'm being too sensitive because I don't bottle up when some I thought was a friend disrespects me. I don't think I am too sensitive, I think it was pride and self-respect that was tugging at me. But that didn’t matter anymore because I was given a pass to think whatever I wanted. However, truthfully, it didn't make me feel any better learning the worst about someone you thought you shared a respect level. Only to reconfirm the fear - at least while no one else is around. I was the "I understand where are coming from friend as long as I don't have to support you in public, because you are a bad guy." It was hard not ponder that if a "friend" had no part of an argument and don't know the facts or results but still choose to separate themselves from me. I figured I have a pretty bad reputation. In an effort to get beyond the whole thing because I shouldn't have been surprised. I was just let down by the fears becoming reality. So I offered to tell my dream again. After me making a big scene at the bar, maybe she would actually listen this time or at the very least I would have something to talk about while Dom and Sunshine chats it up and minimized the awkwardness. "I dreamt I was down at a basketball court in DC. We were watching the game from cars. And when the ball would go down the court the cars follow like a camera. In the car in front of me is a girl I used to go to school with. I barely knew her. Just knew the name and face. Well she called me over in to her car. And we ride through DC. We get near Military Rd and I say 'I live right over there.' We get out and start walking. Her car is remote controlled. While we walked her car was moving up ahead of us. The car ran a light by my apartment and got T-boned and lead to a 3 car pile up. We couldn't go check on the car because people would know it was her car. So we went to my apartment building. There was bunch of shady people hanging outside the building watching the police and crash scene. We try to sneak past but they are being nosey. I try to crack my door and let us slip in but one dude peeks in and sees us and the big screen TV and starts grinning. I set all the locks on the door. Then I guide her upstairs so we can see the accident and the car. My apartment turned into a 3 story loft. So we get to the top of the stairwell and she turns to me and says, 'I can't let you see my ...' There was no word in the dream. So I say, 'We can do this face to face.' And I sit down on the top of the steps. She sits down and straddles my lap. She starts grinding and then on adjacent stairwell a gang of people start walking up. A lot of people. I have this girl on my lap, I’m startled and I yell over, 'How did you get in here?!' The guy in front shows me his hand and he has a black "X" on it. Like it was made with a sharpie for reentry in to a bar. Then he says a key, door, and window. At this point, the girl on my lap bite the meat above my cheek bone. What I thought was a weird nibble turns into a sharp pain. She starts biting harder. I try to push her off and she bites harder. Then she yanks her head up and tears out a good chunk of my flesh. She must of hit an artery because blood was squirting everywhere. I wipe blood on her face in an effort to get her off of me. I couldn't stop the bleeding and start freaking out. I had to wake up to heal my face. That was my nightmare." Butterfly enjoyed the story; at least she looked like she did. I thought it was a good dream, worth listening to. Not much longer after that Dom and Sunshine turned cold. I think they wore each other out and we called it a night. I wasn't tired and couldn't sleep so when I got home I watched VH1's "Real Chance of Love." I was still bothered by what went down between Butterfly and me. I send out a couple text messages to see who was still awake. I remember Sunshine saying she wasn't tired. Sent out a text saying, "Do you think people are more truthful and honest when drunk?" Sunshine and Steph Lover was still up. Steph was brags about stuffing her face somewhere. And I start venting to Sunshine about how upset I still am. She offers some good insight, but told me I take it too personal. I disagreed, because it was completely about me, which makes it personal by definition. Which I found amusing because Sunshine complained about my stone face ruining a vibe. I joked she takes my serious face too personal and let her go to sleep. Lastly I text my friend about the gayness on "Real Chance of Love" and she co-signs and "P.S." me to stop prank calling the radio station pretending to be retarded. I laughed and went to sleep.

October 28, 2008

Simple Pleasures #2

Sharing a moment. A moment is when you and someone else are thinking the same thing at the same time. Examples: Both you and someone else look across the room and see someone who is looking and acting a mess (a.k.a A Clown) and then the two of you look at each other and share the same feelings and thoughts. Or a well balanced, attractive girl walks by and then you and a stranger look at each other and both are thinking "oh yea, nice." Last night, I was watching Real Chance of Love on VH1 and thinking how gay those guys looked. So I sent a text to a friend saying simply saying "Real is gay" and she finishes my thought and then elaborates. haha Being on the same page...

Pet Peeve #64

I have friend that I make suggestions of things to do things with, for example a movie, show, event, or trip and she says how much of a great idea it is and always says, "We should do that!" But a couple weeks later she come and tell me excitedly that her and someone else saw or is going to see/do what we talked about. While I'm don't get too upset about it but I'm not excited for her either. How do you take it? Does she honestly expect me to get super excited about? Did she forget that it was my idea? And in planing did she not think that I wanted to do that also or is it I am I not as much fun to do it with? I do think its a little self absorbed, like when I give suggestions she is thinking of how it relates directly to her, instead of us or me as the creater. So much that, I'm not included in her planning and then forgotten and have it thrown back in my face. Let me say I do appreciate those that are not self absorbed. I remember my mother telling me she wanted to see a Tyler Perry movie. I couldn't take her but every time I see a DVD, I buy it for her, instead of bragging that I went with my best friend to go see a Tyler Perry play. Another example is when one of my friends that I told I wanted to try paintball, so now every time he goes out he invites me. And now I return the favor when I plan to go. Right thing to do? Think so. mobile blogging...

October 21, 2008

My 'A' is a Vowel and My Minute is Long

The other day I had the most disturbing conversation that I have had in a while, worst than arguing with my strongly opinionated republican boss about how much of a piece shit that Joe the Plumber is. Maybe my logic is off, please let me know. Sit back kids and let me tell you a story. For the minute now, I have had a friend that from the very moment I have met them I felt comfortable talking to. No reservations or second thoughts. Talking to them, it felt completely natural and safe. So for a long time they was one of my always available listeners that I had no problems confiding my stories to them. A trust not easily given away but just felt natural so I did. So what is the problem you say? The problem was my assumptions. I assumed that they were a listener and it never occurred to me that they were also a story teller. Or would retell my stories. Because they never really told me stories, just listened to mine. A one way street. It didn't occur to me that they would share my stories. So when it came to my attention that one of my stories was told and how it came out, it was shocking and upset. I didn't like it so I said how felt about it but I never ever thought it was trust breaking issue. But somehow it took a nasty turn. If I tell a story, in my words then an a is a vowel and a b is a consonant and a minute means a long amount of time. All that I asked was to understand that and remember that when I tell my stories that my a's are vowels, b's are consonants and a minute still means a long time. When someone else tells their own stories it's their own dictionary and rules. I thought that was simple and easy enough to respect, I do and would do the same for anyone else. Respect their wishes. But my friend told me that they don't think that a is always a vowel and a minute is not that long, and that it's not a big deal because they don't think it's that important to honor that in my stories. That's where the fight was. They told me, since they don't think a is always a vowel and a minute is that long, basically, I can't expect my story to maintain it's integrity. And if I wanted that then I need to explicitly say to them keep my a's as vowels and my minutes meaning long. That is a problem for me. How can I trust someone to maintain the integrity of my words if they don't believe or even willing to acknowledge or respect my rules in the stories that I have? Maybe their a's are consonants, I can respect that, but my a's are always vowels and my minutes always mean a long time. And constantly having to say please treat my a's as vowels and my minutes as a long time does not make a person someone you want to share with because it makes you feel like you can't relate or trust them. There is a fundamental disconnect. If every time I needed to speak to a person but I am required to say "Do you understand?" basically means that they don't understand and it needs to be re enforced. And over time you don't want to speak to them because it's too much trouble and it feels uncomfortable even speaking to them because they never really understand. And sadly the fact of the matter is that I enjoyed speaking with them and now I have that doubt in my mind of my words losing their integrity which can easily make someone, untrusting like myself, more cautious to share them. So what does one do about that? You become careful about the stories you tell, you filter. You don't share stories that has a's in them. Because we have been close, I really don't want to have to do that. But if they are going to stand by that ideology that a's are whatever they think it should be even when coming out of my mouth, unless I explicitly say so, makes that person someone that could be problematic to deal with and also makes you feel like you should not be sharing stories with them because in their mind your story is already misinterpreted. I think the primary reason the conversation did not end well was because they full heartily couldn't see an a as a vowel and they thought I was trying label them as a bad person or being worst than I am because I treat an a as a special character instead a regular consonant. That was never my intent, it was never about who's right and who's wrong. It was about how I expected my words to be handled and interpreted. I don't think that is unreasonable to expect that, especially since all this time we have been able to enjoy a trusting relationship where my stories were not retold incorrectly. There is no one person that is right and the others is wrong. There is no negotiations and terms of agreement to need to be made for us to have a good relationship with words. It is a simple matter of trusting someone and sharing a respect level both ways. What is disturbing is that I thought we had that, only to discover that it doesn't matter how I speak my a's are not always vowel and my minute don't mean a long time even as only a particular weirdness to me when it comes to this person. And that stubbornness and lack of respect for my stories and their integrity hurts and feeds the anger of any betrayal regardless if we are talking about a's, b's, c's, or z's. Here's the hard question, would you still grant someone the same level of trust with your words when they, to their core, disagrees with you and refuses to see or acknowledge that you have your own rules that relate to your own words? How do you handle a disconnect of meaning?

Things Your Momma Should of Taught Ya #1

This morning as I brushed my teeth in rush to make my dentist appointment, a thought went through my head. I think one reason my dentist and nurses have always liked me was because my breath doesn't stink. Image what it feels like for a doctor to have his nose inches away from a wide open mouth. I think that is why they wear the mask on their face. Not to be cocky, arrogant, or anything but my breath does not stink.

 My family is brutally honest and one thing momma would let you know is that you breath stinks if you were talking in her face. Mom taught me the key to keeping your mouth from stinking. Of course there is brushing, flossing, and avoiding sweets. But the actual key to fresh breath is brushing your tongue. Unless your teeth is rotting, that where the oder is coming from. There too many people that brush and still have bad breath, that is because they don't brush their tongue. Their momma should taught them that.

October 05, 2008

A Pet Snake

Shout out to Jackie Peppers for leaning on me. This is a new post. Y'all have to keep pressure on me, or I'll procrastinate and slip up.

Some people are confused why I treat someone differently than I would threat someone else. Simply put because I have a different relationship with everyone. And I analyze people. It's no secret I get along with everyone. But I do classify some closer, cooler, or dangerous to me more than others. And I hold everyone to separate expectations based on how well I think I know them. Shout out to Meraf - WPGC 95.5 FM (shameless plug), I always had high expectation for you!

 An important factor in me knowing someone is consistency. Whither it's a positive or negative trait. Your personality and who you are is defined by your consistency. I can be good friends with shady people because they are consistent and I expect that, their shadiness is not a surprise. I can respect that that's who they are and I am able to deal with it because THAT IS who they are...shady. But at the same time, shady people can not expect to have the same level of trust or loyalty as another one of my friends because consistently they are shady people.

 I'm a complicated and reasonable person. But I also I have an opinion and traits that I respect more than others. I prefer a bad person that I can understand vs a good person that I don't. it's consistency.

 Say I had two friends, one was kind of shady and an asshole or a dick. The other was really nice and friendly, the easy to get along type. The asshole friend and the nice friend are both nice to me, personally we have a good relationship. But they both talk shit about other people. The difference between the two is that the asshole is not an easy to get along with person and are not afraid to speak up when they don't agree. The easy to get along with person either co-signs or joins in but never defends anyone that is being dogged out in their presence even if they are friends with them because they avoid conflict. Now let's talk loyalty. As friend I would give them both my loyalty because that's who I am. But... Odds are I would trusts the asshole more because they are more consistent and straight forward. Why are snakes so feared? Because when they attack you don't see it coming. That's why snakes are more feared than bears. Bears you see coming, snakes sneak up on you. With assholes, I kind of know how they are and I can trust them to be that way. So if ever my name needs to be defended, I know the asshole person would have my back while the nice person would just sit there and not say a thing or maybe co-sign on it. Now you may ask, What is the problem with that, they are being themselves and consistent, isn't that what you said you liked? The problem is... at least to me is that I'm an asshole type and I speak up when you talk negative about my friends (or most anything I like). Loyalty and consistency is important when it come to personality especially to a person that is a very loyal person, himself. I have that dog type of loyalty. But unlike a dog, if you abuse me I will bite you. And that's major problem I have with those nice people. Way too often it's easy for them to join in talking shit about people. Personally, I believe a real friend speaks out for their friends and great people like MLK will go a step further and speak up for those that have no voice (not present people). And most of the time the nice people hate the assholes, and they will talk shit about the assholes but not to the assholes. But if the assholes like a nice person the assholes never say a bad word about them. Because they are asshole and don't waste time talking about people they like when they can talk shit about people they really don't like. My problem is I'm an asshole type that can't trust my friendly non conflict friends (let me say you friendly folks that we go back through a lot of shit, y'all have my heart and don't apply, I know y'all got my back).

 Basically, I lose respect and trust in someone who talks shit instead of defending someone who could be seen as a friend and who has never said anything bad about them or even defended them when they are not around. In my ALMOST my 30 years of experience I have learned that people do grow and change but loyalty to people is something that doesn't change. You don't learn it. The only thing that changes is who you are loyal to.

 My "asshole" type friends are the ones I have for the longest, because I have their back and they have mine. And if they have a problem with me they tell me, instead complaining behind my back.

 If I'm wrong please let me know. If I'm right on point, feel free to amen on it. I think everyone has an opinion on people that talk shit about people aka haters.

September 12, 2008

This Is What It Is All About!!!

So my friend told me he sent me a youtube link of my favorite Go-Go band. I was like, ok. Considering it's a mid 90's band that haven't exactly been trying to stay noticed since they broke up in the late 90's, I figured it was an old video from back in the day. But he insisted I watch it, because I would love it. And I did. Love it, that is. It was from last month and they were playing in Maine, out of all places. You have to understand, Go-Go music is a local inner city style of music found only here in Washington, D.C. So they were playing away from home and get this... the people listening was partying just as hard to it as we locals do! I'm not usually one to point out racial things (well, sometimes) but many consider go-go music to be a type of black music (ignorance), if there is such a thing. And the audience in Maine was entirely white. Oh did I love it. Little things like that is what gives me hope for the future of this country. A really old local band went to a American Folk Music Festival in Maine and tore the house down. Why? Because the people were open to something they may not be familiar with also they was willing to give it a chance. And guess what? They loved it. They was crowd surfing and chanting and all! Watch the clip. You could see the emotion in the crowd all the way to the back. Check out grandma in the front row!

The people in Bangor, ME got to feel the emotion in the music that the inner city youth of DC risked violence to feel too. It's one of those things you need to experience live. Go-Go music just is... Something you feel.

Check out the girls on stage too!

A bit of history... from the billing a the festival:

Junk Yard Band
Washington, D.C.

For nearly 40 years, the dominant dance beat of our nation’s capital has been a heavily syncopated, percussive music called “go-go.” Go-go is a blend of Latin beats, call-and response chants, rhythm and blues, and jazz layered over a signature pattern of syncopated quarter and eighth note rhythms laid down on snare, kick drum and high hat cymbals. A regional offshoot of funk pioneered in the early ‘70s by Chuck Brown, go-go has over the years developed its own distinctive sound, dance moves, and traditions. Best enjoyed live, it has thrived around marathon performances, bootlegged recordings of live sets, and the almost rabid obsession of its local fans. Over several hours on stage in a crowded dance club the beat never stops, and the interaction between the band and the audience is an integral part of the go-go experience.

In the early 1980s a group of teenagers and children, some as young as eight, from the D.C. housing project known as “Barry Farms” formed a little neighborhood go-go band. Using an assortment of handmade and found instruments - paint buckets, hubcaps, crates, cans and old pots and pans - they began playing regularly around Barry Farms, at community events, and frequently busked on the streets. As more gigs and money became available they were able to swap out their scavenged "junk" for real instruments. In reference to their humble beginnings, they took the name Junk Yard Band, and quickly rose to the top of the D.C. music scene.

The group’s busking created a sensation and the group became somewhat of a tourist attraction, helping to land Junk Yard roles in the movies D.C. Cab with Mr. T and Tougher than Leather with Run DMC, as well as a recording contract with the pioneering hip-hop label Def Jam. Under Def Jam, the group released the single "Sardines." The song’s catchy go-go beat and call-and-response hook, “Sardines! Hey, and Pork and Beans!" captured national attention. Junk Yard, along with a few other go-go artists like Chuck Brown, Trouble Funk, Rare Essence, and E.U, developed a successful East Coast touring circuit, and shared the bill with hip-hop artists such as LL Cool J, Salt-N-Pepa and the Beastie Boys.

While newer styles have nudged go-go from the media limelight, go-go music still reigns in and around D.C., and Junk Yard still presides over marathon parties, laying down its signature groove with a frontline of vocalists that keep the party going and going and going . . .

September 11, 2008

Don't Drink and Post

9/11... I woke up to George Bush's simple looking mug this morning. They was opening the new pentagon 9/11 memorial to the public. And to be honest it was a reminder that we are living in a post 9/11 time frame. It's depressing if you ask me. After the attacks we had a unique opportunity to bring together the world and address the Islamic fanaticism. But our elected government fucked it up, by changing it's focus to another country and for other unknown reason's which to me wasn't as prudent as finding the assholes that killed the American citizens that did nothing but go to work that day. I mean how bad can you drop the ball? It's been seven long ass year and no Osama Bin Laden. I mean he is the second most recognizable person in the world, behind Michael Jackson. I don't understand how people give the folks in charge another chance to fuck up some more shit. Shit, Dog the Bounty Hunter would have found him by now and tried to save him with Jesus. Also 9/11 is a reminder to watch out for the haters in the world. I mean come on, I likes haters. I get it. The world needs haters, to let people know that others are jealous of what they are doing. But the Al-Qaeda are on a whole other level. Despite whatever reason they give they are certified haters. They are the worst type of hater, they don't hate just on individuals and styles but the hate on countries. How did your hate of Israel turn into the hating on the US? Your hating knows no limits! They hate that our woman look hotter not wearing dark table cloths (I've been happy hour drinking, I might regret this post). They hate on our freedom to enjoy our lives. That's some real hating right there. Jealousy causes the hating. They secretly/subconsciously wish they could live the American dream like the rap videos. Money, G4 planes, global love from the people, and big booty woman. If they could, fighting over the deserts of Israel wouldn't be shit next to regular young pussy. Al-Qaeda's priorities are fucked up. Yall need some freedoms like smoking( I'm against drugs but them motherfuckers need to calm down with that jihad shit), alcohol, and pretty looking women. I'm not saying their woman don't look good, I'm saying you should be able to enjoy God's gift to man...women. Unwrap them bitches(the phrase, not say they are really bitches...I love all women). You have a nice car, do you keep it in the garage to collect dust or do you wash it, shine it up, and take it on the town? Sure people may want your car, but it's yours. Jealousy, man. If you have a pretty and hot girl, treat her right and show her off. Pull the haters out, what are you scared of? If that's your girl, she coming home with you! Pull the haters out, expose them. Jealousy's a motherfucker, you weak jealous motherfuckers! If you a jealous motherfucker, you just a weak motherfucker! See when you on top, motherfuckers just wanna bring you down! Motherfuckers don't even know you, and they don't like you.. Y'all motherfuckers live off of negativity. What y'all niggaz need to get through your motherfucking heads is that, y'all fuckin' with some niggaz that's on a higher motherfucking level -- we don't give a fuck about what you think about; less how you feel about us; what you got to say about us we going keep doing our motherfucking thing from now till the year three thousand bitches! You can't breathe, you can't sleep, you can't eat without thinking about us! Without thinking about us to the end! We gonna kill you heartless motherfuckers! -Diddy on Notorious B.I.G.'s song My Downfall. That shit is on the soundtrack to my life!!!

September 10, 2008

Tell Your Jokes to the Mirror

Have you ever notice that often things outlast your interest? Like hobbies and pop music, you get all in to them and then it gets kind of old and you lose interest. Rhianna, yes I want to stop the music! But what about when it comes to people? I mean you still like them, but they are just not as amusing as they once were when they were fresh. So what do you do? And you have a responsibility to tell them or just try to distant yourself from them in the most least awkward way. I mean, you enjoy them but not too much of them. I know I can be too much lot so I try not to be, you know... too much. Then there are people that suffer from a lack of self awareness. They can be so annoying and wear inappropriate clothing. It's like they can't see what everyone else is seeing. Like the bathroom mirror. You know you always look good in your bathroom mirror. There is something about that particular mirror that is extremely misleading. It makes wilder beasts think they look cute and it easily convinces dudes to come out the house with the wrong size shirt on. Every dude think they look swole and every girl think they look sexy in the bathroom mirror. It's the magical mirror of Disney! Anyway... back to my point about certain people. Say you know a really alright guy (I don't throw the word cool at people loosely like some people do - cheap shot at Allison for vouching for anyone),but he's bearable. But he has this slight personality flaw, he doesn't know when to stop. He makes a joke, it's funny, you laugh...but he doesn't stop with it. Not that he is saying a new joke or adding to it, but HE IS repeating himself. Does he honestly think the laughs are going to keep rolling in if he keeps saying the same thing? Am I an infant you can keep smiling and goggling at for hours AND I would just as pleased every time like it's the first time you did it? I know it feels good to have people laugh at your jokes, but come on, you don't want pity laughs. Nice people give out the pity chuckles. Assholes like me, put on the straight face hoping your monkey ass catches the hint. And then why when someone says "dude, it's not funny anymore" then it's like there is something wrong with me?! I'm the hater of your grand and amazing comedic skills (sarcasm). What do you do with people that have no clue?

September 09, 2008

Your Favorite Me...On at 8 / 9 Central

I'm dumb. I'm a dodo. I'm live in the hood, but I work on the low though. And...I'm still in the ghetto. Hit the barbershop before any photos. I'm dumb. A nigga with a $30 shape-up, boy. I spent 40 G's on a Japanese toy. I'm dumb, baby. Got a little money, so I can afford to front. Now tell me what you want? You like what you see? Yea I know, that's why the hood loves me! My swagger is so space age, they call me Apollo. I'm crazy dumb. Who does that describe? What about that really funny guy? The guy that makes me laugh without even saying a word...with a slight glance and we're on the same page. Damn, he has big ass smile. But I like it. And where does he come up with some of the things he says? Is he for real? And the acute observations? But so random. He is so funny. Have you ever wonder if that person you see on TV or in photos really like that? Can we all agree that people (and I mean everyone) to some extent put on a front? Not to say that that's not really you but it's an image we want to display. But have you ever considered that what you see in other people's life is an angled view and it could be quite different from actually living it. It's like a reality show. The camera and producers shape your image of the constant. With the right angles and cuts, you can make the short quick tempered belligerent drunk look like strikingly awesome cool party guy. We do that. We want people to have a particular image of us. Without Brittany Spears money, we are our own publicist. How often have you seen something and been like they should have done it another way? It is so easy to forget what someone else is thinking or what going on in their life, because we only see it from our own perspective. But a lot times it's harder to consider that others can not see and can not experience what I am experiencing. It's very real and common to forget that they are naive to what I am going through, unless I help them to understand. So often if you having been putting up a production for so long it's hard for others to imagine you as anything else. Whether it's being a gangster or being the sweet, easy to get along, nice guy all the time. If I was always smiling and nice, how would a causal viewer know I was unhappy or care to find out? If I am always funny and have jokes, does there have to be something wrong when I sit quietly and chill? There is nothing wrong with being complex and multidimensional or even dumb. Sometimes you need to show the behind the scenes of your show so your fans can get to know the real you, not just the one on display all the time in bright lights. So you can truly be appreciated for being the way God made you. I know it's an old word, but if you don't know what front means urbandictionary is your homeboy. Holla at your boy.

September 08, 2008

Evil Wishes

It takes a special asshole to wish harm upon someone else. I am feeling a little down right now because of Tom Brady's injury. Not so much because it was good friend of mine (didn't know the guy), not so much because I like the Patriots (I'm a Dallas fan), but because I had him on my fuckin' fantasy football team! Yes, fantasy football is that serious. Especially, since I had him in a keeper pay league. This is killing me. A hurt Tom Brady is costing me money. The worst thing is: I know what happened. There is some fucked up haters in this world. And as a Dallas fan in Washington, D.C. I know them well. These are the assholes that spit out lines like, I hope Tony Romo gets hurt. Who does that? Now Tom Brady is hurt because of some dickweed (yes, I took it old school - "dickweed") was making a gay ass wish. Warning: this is an angry post. So here is my wishes for the asshole who wish an evil wish on Tom Brady and fucked my wishes of easily winning a fat stack of cash(I wonder if I could of fit another "wish" in there?):
  1. Every time you pull out of a parking lot the police pull you over do a full cavity search with the meanest officer with the biggest man hands.
  2. You find out Michael Jackson was the donor for your test tube baby ass. (shout out to Robin Harris, RIP)
  3. Your first born looks like the crooked eyed dude from Goonies AND he got his looks from his grandma...yes, yo' momma.
  4. You get a nasty rash to the balls sack...Bitch, you are burning!
  5. You get stub fingers and a gimp arm on your jerk off side.
  6. You get the rare disease where no one in the whole entire world like your ass because are a completely useless piece of shit that someone left float in a gas station bathroom stall. Not even your momma likes you.
  7. Finally, for the rest of life you have the motherfucking bubble guts! The kind that burns and waters the eyes. And you can't even fart because shit WILL squeeze out (pun intended).

Stop at seven to keep it lucky.

September 07, 2008

Hurricanes Don't Scare Team Ari

This weekend was Hurricane Hanna, and I was invited to a friend's housewarming. But that didn't stop her. She is a party animal. First, let me follow directions and first say that my friend, Team Ari's friends are hot or hawt as they say. Check out the video embedded. It was a fun and interesting night. Despite the earlier rains and wind, there was a lot people out that night. I met a lot of new cool, semi-cool, and fun peeps that night fo' sho (that's my Flavor Flav). I would have to say that the most interesting person that night (besides Nick) was a nice pretty young lady named Stephanie. Stephanie liked my t-shirt. I was wearing my "Can't Sell Dope Forever" t-shirt. And the poor child thought it meant I was a drug dealer. After explaining to her dope is cocaine or heroin and not marijuana, we agreed to disagree and had a great discussion on social and political effects of the drug trade. I think I was able to convince her that 1. you don't get high on your own supply and 2. people (other than her, because she said she never would) really out grow drugs or at least should. It's like the old guy in the club, you can't be that guy. So you sell weed in college, then you graduate. You going to still continue? Who's your new customers? What's the risk/reward value now? Can't you make more with a degree than pushing dimes and nicks? Hopefully, one day sweetie will see my point. ...Or was she fucking with me?! Come to think about it, we had a lot in common. Admittedly, we both like to play devil's advocate. haha, funny i think she got me. Shout outs is so hood, but fun. So let me give some shout outs. Shout out to Team Ari and her roommates, it always a pleasure. Shout out to Omid, for hanging with me and providing the laughs. Shout to Allison and Jenny, the dynamic duo. Special Big ups to Jenny for letting the girls breathe. Jenny is butter! Shout out to the Jack Black/Shaggy Doo/Ben for spinning all the hits like Coolio! Shout out to Stephanie for her determination, I guess it's OK to be a weed head for life. I don't judge. Big ups to Allison, for providing us with plenty of cheese that night. Shout out Allison, Jenny, and Renee's high school friend that crashed the party, he was the coolest says Allison several times. Shout out to Lauren, I was SO feeling the Barack Obama button. Lauren earn a hundred cool points from me. Shout to Greg, for not being afraid to ask questions. And no, I haven't seen Jordan lately. Shout to Jeff, for feeling what I was saying on the couch. I'm always right, homie. Shout out to Renee, for not hiding those pretty eyes from the camera. They need to be shared with the world. Shout out to Matt and the "Team Ari Security Team." Shout out to the Radford chick, for being for Sigma Pi before being against them, the republican party needs more people like you. Shout to Nick, for being the funniest guy alive! "I want Five Guys" too. lol And a huge big ups to Team Ari, for keeping it real with me on and off camera. Thanks for listening to me, and I so value what you say. Peace. I'm out till next time.

September 02, 2008

University of Maryland Rock and Roll pt 2

Simple Pleasure #1: The song has been banned but the fans still sing it. This is the hardest version of the song in the world and sung at every Terp game. The song speaks to the soul. F*ck Duke!!!!

Back in to Rainbow Six Vegas...2

Yesterday, I played video games most of the day. I learned two things. One, the 49ners are a horrible team to use in Madden. And two, rainbow six vegas 2 is still a great game! After not playing for what seems like half a year, only after 10 mins I was back in form. The latest update was a great one and added a few more months to the lifetime of the game in my opinion.

September 01, 2008


So I'm happy to say I have added two new terms this past weekend in to my rotation. On friday, I went on a Happy Hour Margarita Cruise. I met two Middle School teachers there, which is really cool. Oh yea, they were fairly young teachers. My conversation are never how is the weather type, so I'm telling the ladies of my latest "thing." I like to point out lesbian couples. Not the gay ones, just the lesbians. I like to go, "oh, look. there's a cute lesbian couple." That's my latest "thing" to do out in public with friends. Well, one of the teachers tells me of the gay girl in her Middle School class. Term one: She called her a "Lil Wayne disciple." I love it. The little girl looked like Lil Wayne, but I assume without the extremely ugly face. Anyway, the little girl dresses and acts like a gangsta boy, even does the whole voice over thing. Now there was the tale of the cutest girl in the grade and all the boys was trying to holler at her, and guess who gets her number? yep, Lil Miss Wayne. Now let me say now, the little girl was upset when she found out Lil Miss Wayne was actually a Miss. But it's a great story. Ready for term two? OK, so one day my new favorite Middle School teacher is sitting in class and the class has something occupying them. So the teacher pulls out an apple and takes a bite. As she bites the apple, Lil Miss Wayne watches her lips pressed on the apple skin taking a bite and says out loud, "vibrations." HAHAHA!!!!!! OMG!! Vaginal Vibrations? ha ha I love it. The teacher said she had to get up and leave the class when she heard that so she would not hurt that little girl. I laughed so hard. Mmmm vibrations....

August 31, 2008

My Top Blog Posts

Lacking a creative thought, I found a list of blog post ideas online, one item was to list your top blog posts. That's easy, I don't have that many to choose from! But here it goes: My Current Top 10:
  1. My Response to the an Bathroom Experience Email Like many of my early blog posts this was an email I wrote and then later added to the blog because I liked it so much.
  2. Hip Hop Talk This is an interview of two of my good friends in the music biz. Check out D Moon's blog in my links section.
  3. What I’m Listening To: 4-3-06 Statistically my most viewed posts are the music mixes.
  4. Ignorance is Bliss This was a short mental comment that I loved that made it to the blog.
  5. The Legend of Will Wash A Dolemite inspired poem. Big ups to the great late Rudy Ray Moore!!!
  6. When Irony Met Karma One of very few diary type of entries.
  7. State of the William Address Part II (almost 6 months later) The second ever State of the William mass email. A classic as far as State of William Addresses's about to be 4 years old!
  8. Big Cuz Got Slumped I posted one of the fight videos I recorded when me and the boys use to cruise the city. It's popular on youtube too.
  9. The State of the William Address 2006 (the shakedown version) I wrote two versions that year and this was the most popular one. Also this is the latest one, I haven't written one since.
  10. Proof There Are Black Dime Pieces Other Than Beyonce Hands down the most fun and controversial blog post I have ever done.

I guess I have to do another 50 posts before I can do a top ten list again. :(

...and yes I have more than 50 post already, now go read them all!!!!

Another YouTube Must See

I was sent the link to this video, it made me laugh out loud. I love Haitian people. I present the Haitian vs the Hooker!!!

May 09, 2008

Simple Man

Mama told me when I was young Come sit beside me, my only son And listen closely to what I say. And if you do this It will help you some sunny day. Take your time... dont live too fast, Troubles will come and they will pass. Go find a woman and youll find love, And dont forget son, There is someone up above. And be a simple kind of man. Be something you love and understand. Be a simple kind of man. Wont you do this for me son, If you can? Forget your lust for the rich mans gold All that you need is in your soul, And you can do this if you try. All that I want for you my son, Is to be satisfied. And be a simple kind of man. Be something you love and understand. Be a simple kind of man. Wont you do this for me son, If you can? Boy, dont you worry... youll find yourself. Follow you heart and nothing else. And you can do this if you try. All I want for you my son, Is to be satisfied. And be a simple kind of man. Be something you love and understand. Be a simple kind of man. Wont you do this for me son, If you can?

May 08, 2008

Lost One

Uh, uh, uh, uh It's not a diss song, it's just a real song Feel me? I heard motherfuckers saying they made Hov Made Hov say, "Ok so, make another Hov" Niggaz wasn't playing they day role So we parted ways like Ben and J-Lo I shoulda been did it but I been in a daze though I put friends over business end of the day though But when friends, business interests they go Ain't nothing left to say though I guess we forgot what we came fo' Shoulda stayed in food and beverage Too much flossing, Too much Sam Rothstein I ain't a bitch but I gotta divorce them Hov have to get the shallow shit up off him And I ain't even want to be famous Niggaz is brainless to unnecessarily go through these changes And I ain't even know how it came to this Except that fame is the worst drug known to man It's stronger than, heroin When you could look in the mirror like, "There I am" And still not see, what you've become I know I'm guilty of it too but, not like them You lost one Lose one, let go to get one Left one, lose some to win some Sorry I'm a champion, sorry I'm a champion You lost one I don't think it's meant to be, be But she loves her work more than she does me And honestly, at twenty-three I would probably love my work more than I did she So, we, ain't we, it's me- and her 'Cause what she prefers over me, is work And that's, where we, differ So I have to give her free time, even if it hurts So breathe, mami, it's deserved You've been put on this earth To be all you can be, like the reserves And me? My time in the army, it's served So I have to allow she, her, time to serve The time's now for her, in time she'll mature And maybe we, can be, we, again like we were Finally, my time's too short to share And to ask her now, it ain't fair So yeah, she lost one Lose one, let go to get one Left one, lose some to win some Sorry I'm a champion, sorry I'm a champion You lost one My nephew died in the car I bought So under the belief it's partly my fault Close my eyes and squeeze, try to block that thought Place any burden on me, but please, not that lord But time don't go back, it goes forward Can't run from the pain, go towards it Some things can't be explained, what caused it? Such a beautiful soul, so pure, shit! Gonna see you again, I'm sure of it 'Til that time, little man I'm nauseous Your girlfriend's pregnant, the lord's gift Almost lost my faith, that restored it It's like having your life restarted Can't wait for your child's life, to be a part of it So now I'm child-like, waiting for a gift To return, when I lost you, I lost it Lose one, let go to get one Left one, lose some to win some [Colleek, I lost one] Sorry I'm a champion, Colleek, you're a champion You lost one

April 25, 2008

Never Let Me Down

We are all here for a reason on a particular path You don't need a curriculum to know that you're apart of the math Cats think I'm delirious but I'm so damn serious That's why I expose my soul to the globe; the world I'm tryna make it better for these little boys and girls I'm not just another individual My spirit is a part of this that's why it's spiritual But I get my hymns from him So it's not me it's he that's lyrical I'm not a miracle, I'm a heaven sent instrument My rhythmatic regiment navigates melodic notes For your soul and your mental That's why I'm instrumental, vibrations is what I'm into Yeah I need my loot by rent day But that ain't what gives me the heart of Kunta Kinte I'm tryna give us us free like Sinke I can't stop, that's why I'm hot Determination, dedication, motivation I'm talking to you of my many inspirations When I say I can't let you or self down If I were on the highest cliff, on the highest riff And if you slipped off the side and clinched on to your life In my grip I would never ever let you down And when these words are found Let it be known that God's penmanship has been signed With a language called love That's why my breath is felt by the death And while my words are heard and confined to the ears of the blind I too dream in color and in rhyme So I guess I'm one of a kind in a full house Cuz whenever I open my heart, my soul or my mouth A touch of god reigns out - J. Ivy the truth!! Kanye West - Never Let Me Down feat. Jay-Z and J. Ivy

April 24, 2008

When Irony Met Karma

Today I left work with a headache and sore eyes. But as I watch Lost and The Office (the I've been watching "The Wire" lately joke was classic), I came to a realization. A few months back, while on IM with a very lovely friend(trying to get brownie points) I took a sarcastic comment out of context and took it to heart. I freaked out and proceed to call her dismissive and mean spirited. After reflecting on what and how it was said and the particular context, I realized I was wrong and apologized. From the moment I met her she had been nothing but the nicest to me, and it was unfair for me to accuse her of otherwise by taking a (bad) sarcastic joke out of context with no proof. It was not a good moment in Will history. So today, I'm on IM again with my friend I go on my "Judge My By Actions" speech and say somethings I commonly say, I'm a hypocrite and just because I may say something but doesn't mean that I mean it. My friend took it literally and to heart and accused me without really saying it of possibly not being truthful with her this entire time that I have known her based off of that. Which caused me to become upset. My words were taken without regard to context and then generalized. Those are lines I use to stress the importance of judging someone by their actions and the need for the greater good. And are true within the appropriate context. Especially from a person who preaches about avoiding generalizes, having different responses to different situations, and the greater good of things. But come on, to say I always say something when I mean another? That is a compulsive liar. As someone that prides themselves on telling it how it is, it hurts. I am not a compulsive liar. Especially since I have been nothing but honest with everyone and especially her more so than others. Plus there was no proof of the otherwise, either. I hope she one day is able to trust me again and understands that I am not a liar and it's kind of ridiculous to be someone who lies all the time and then admits to it. Wouldn't a compulsive liar lie about being a liar? Karma is a bitch, now I really know what she felt like to be attacked after having a few word taken the wrong way.

I’m cold, you already know...

It’s a little early, but I’m writing this because a particular someone doesn’t want to talk to me right now, because I guess because I am some type of liar. And against the better judgment of a friend that knows me of my tendency to eat beef and my need for everyone to see things my way. Anyway, I’m talk about me. Disclaimer needed. It’s no secret, I’m a…dare I say, it a great conversationalist (maybe all little cocky too, but I back it up). But what’s a one sided discussion? If we both agree it’s boring. So as Dan once put it, you have to ask the hard questions. I’m not going to keep asking why? why? Like a child. I’ll just take on the other side of the discussion, I don’t have to full hearted believe in it. It’s called playing devil’s advocate. It force people to actual be able to rationalize why they believe what they believe. And it help me understand both sides and either confirm or refute what I believe. I call it self learning. I can take the other side of a genocide debate, without being for genocide. But because in a discussion I say something in support of genocide does that make me a liar? I never killed anyone. At least anyone you know. Well maybe, no one physically (I know I’ve killed some self esteems before). So are people on the debate team liars too? Another thing I tend to do is brag and boasts. I call myself God’s gift all the time. But everyone that knows me know can be really humble too. Does that make me a liar too? Is it not possible for me to be humble and have high self esteem? I can’t have both? Even at different levels? I can say some really mean things but I dare you not to say I’m not a very nice caring person too. It’s just words, anyway. Remember, stick and stones? We do not live in a computer world of ones and zeros, true and false, black and white. I don’t know about yall, but my world is three dimensional, and in color. I am not simple, never claimed to be. Want to keep it simple, but I am not. Simplicity is goal to live by but not a reality. Sorry if I assume every intelligent person sees in color too. In this particular case I like to think the best of people. Actions speak louder than words. What is more powerful? A parent telling their kid not to touch the flame on the stove because is hot, or the parent taking the hand and putting it near the flame saying feel the heat, it’s hot don’t touch it? Which case is more effective? When a Politician promises to do something but doesn’t do it, do you keep voting them in to office because they keep saying they are going to do something? No, actions are what count. Is it wrong that I rather be judged by my actions? Can I be liberal and pro legalization without being a smoker? Am I allowed to hate and like guns? Is there no grays? Does everything have to be black and white? I do think they are cool and I like shooting them, but I also think they are dangerous and ruins lives. To box me into either or is insulting, I’m an intelligent creature. Let me be fresh to def and have color. That is real. That is the truth. I am complicated. Everything is not literal with me; there are shades and exceptions to the rules like anything else in life. I like to think that can I see from other perspectives, and I have 3d vision. The question is: how do you decipher what I really mean then? The easiest thing is just ask, I fucking love to talk about what I believe. I am proud of my beliefs. Or you can judge me by my actions. I do pride myself on speaking the truth and being honest. I don’t like to read but I read a lot. Both are true. I am not a black and white 2D drawing. I don’t like reading, I read a lot, like writing, but can’t write. 3D and in color! I am not simple, please don’t box or call me fake because I don’t fit in the cookie cutter. The important thing is to use your own head and make a decision on your own about me based on your experiences with me. No one has ever looked me in my eyes and has not been able to know how I feel. I’m told all the time, I’m really easy to read. My heart is easily read. It’s like a children’s book. I’m hot, you’ll learn, I wouldn’t touch me because my hand might burn. I’m cold, you already know, you can go by what you heard depending on what they told. I’m too little to hit, and I’m too big to forget, and I’m too wide to hold, I’m too thin to fold.

April 23, 2008

Ignorance is Bliss

"I have a confession to make. Remember that time I borrowed your car? Well I had this date and it ended up in the back seat. Sorry about the 'love juices.' I cleaned it up, though. I just thought I should tell you, since we are being honest." "Since we are being honest, I fucked your sister one summer." Ignorance is bliss "Oh that towel that you use to dry your hands with in my bathroom, I use that to dry my ass after a shower."

April 22, 2008

The Greater Good

I’ve been sad lately so I’ma try blogging again. Maybe it will cheer me up. Shout out to Miss Jackie Peppers. The greater good is the idea that the moral worth of an action is solely determined by its contribution to overall ability in maximizing happiness or pleasure as summed among all persons. I do believe in the greater good. Sacrifice one to save many. And if you are not factoring everyone involved in outcome then you are being selfish. The example that has been getting me in the most trouble during explaining is the married man at the party. There is this married guy, marriage is on the rocks but he loves his wife and kids… it’s just they are going through a rough patch. Say this married man is a party he gets really drunk and kisses another woman. Nothing more. He knows it was a mistake. The question does he tell his wife? And there is no way he would get caught or told on. Does he voluntarily tell his wife? I am all for honesty. If she asks him, he should tell her. But he should voluntarily run and tell his wife. Why? What possible good would come out it? He can say he’s on honest man and tells the truth? Really it’s to clear his conscious. The marriage on the rocks, why help push it over, if you want to keep it? If his is really sorry he could make up for it in other ways, like seek marriage counseling, stop going out, or be a better husband and father. The main reason he would tell is to help relieve his conscious. Because him telling her doesn’t do her or the family any favors, odds are it would have a very negative effect. I’m not saying he should lie, but you don’t tell on yourself either. I had two good examples late week at lunch; let me see if I can remember one. Say a man committed a murder, should he tell someone? Why? It puts the other person in a negative situation. Do they keep the secret and be an accessory to a murder or snitch and tell the police? The greater good is the man deals with it himself; don’t put someone else at risk and cause mental stress on them. Hypothetical questions are easy when they are hypothetical’s. But when faced with a real situation things change. Anyway, I wish I would follow my own advice….the greater good.