October 28, 2008

Simple Pleasures #2

Sharing a moment. A moment is when you and someone else are thinking the same thing at the same time. Examples: Both you and someone else look across the room and see someone who is looking and acting a mess (a.k.a A Clown) and then the two of you look at each other and share the same feelings and thoughts. Or a well balanced, attractive girl walks by and then you and a stranger look at each other and both are thinking "oh yea, nice." Last night, I was watching Real Chance of Love on VH1 and thinking how gay those guys looked. So I sent a text to a friend saying simply saying "Real is gay" and she finishes my thought and then elaborates. haha Being on the same page...

Pet Peeve #64

I have friend that I make suggestions of things to do things with, for example a movie, show, event, or trip and she says how much of a great idea it is and always says, "We should do that!" But a couple weeks later she come and tell me excitedly that her and someone else saw or is going to see/do what we talked about. While I'm don't get too upset about it but I'm not excited for her either. How do you take it? Does she honestly expect me to get super excited about? Did she forget that it was my idea? And in planing did she not think that I wanted to do that also or is it I am I not as much fun to do it with? I do think its a little self absorbed, like when I give suggestions she is thinking of how it relates directly to her, instead of us or me as the creater. So much that, I'm not included in her planning and then forgotten and have it thrown back in my face. Let me say I do appreciate those that are not self absorbed. I remember my mother telling me she wanted to see a Tyler Perry movie. I couldn't take her but every time I see a DVD, I buy it for her, instead of bragging that I went with my best friend to go see a Tyler Perry play. Another example is when one of my friends that I told I wanted to try paintball, so now every time he goes out he invites me. And now I return the favor when I plan to go. Right thing to do? Think so. mobile blogging...

October 21, 2008

My 'A' is a Vowel and My Minute is Long

The other day I had the most disturbing conversation that I have had in a while, worst than arguing with my strongly opinionated republican boss about how much of a piece shit that Joe the Plumber is. Maybe my logic is off, please let me know. Sit back kids and let me tell you a story. For the minute now, I have had a friend that from the very moment I have met them I felt comfortable talking to. No reservations or second thoughts. Talking to them, it felt completely natural and safe. So for a long time they was one of my always available listeners that I had no problems confiding my stories to them. A trust not easily given away but just felt natural so I did. So what is the problem you say? The problem was my assumptions. I assumed that they were a listener and it never occurred to me that they were also a story teller. Or would retell my stories. Because they never really told me stories, just listened to mine. A one way street. It didn't occur to me that they would share my stories. So when it came to my attention that one of my stories was told and how it came out, it was shocking and upset. I didn't like it so I said how felt about it but I never ever thought it was trust breaking issue. But somehow it took a nasty turn. If I tell a story, in my words then an a is a vowel and a b is a consonant and a minute means a long amount of time. All that I asked was to understand that and remember that when I tell my stories that my a's are vowels, b's are consonants and a minute still means a long time. When someone else tells their own stories it's their own dictionary and rules. I thought that was simple and easy enough to respect, I do and would do the same for anyone else. Respect their wishes. But my friend told me that they don't think that a is always a vowel and a minute is not that long, and that it's not a big deal because they don't think it's that important to honor that in my stories. That's where the fight was. They told me, since they don't think a is always a vowel and a minute is that long, basically, I can't expect my story to maintain it's integrity. And if I wanted that then I need to explicitly say to them keep my a's as vowels and my minutes meaning long. That is a problem for me. How can I trust someone to maintain the integrity of my words if they don't believe or even willing to acknowledge or respect my rules in the stories that I have? Maybe their a's are consonants, I can respect that, but my a's are always vowels and my minutes always mean a long time. And constantly having to say please treat my a's as vowels and my minutes as a long time does not make a person someone you want to share with because it makes you feel like you can't relate or trust them. There is a fundamental disconnect. If every time I needed to speak to a person but I am required to say "Do you understand?" basically means that they don't understand and it needs to be re enforced. And over time you don't want to speak to them because it's too much trouble and it feels uncomfortable even speaking to them because they never really understand. And sadly the fact of the matter is that I enjoyed speaking with them and now I have that doubt in my mind of my words losing their integrity which can easily make someone, untrusting like myself, more cautious to share them. So what does one do about that? You become careful about the stories you tell, you filter. You don't share stories that has a's in them. Because we have been close, I really don't want to have to do that. But if they are going to stand by that ideology that a's are whatever they think it should be even when coming out of my mouth, unless I explicitly say so, makes that person someone that could be problematic to deal with and also makes you feel like you should not be sharing stories with them because in their mind your story is already misinterpreted. I think the primary reason the conversation did not end well was because they full heartily couldn't see an a as a vowel and they thought I was trying label them as a bad person or being worst than I am because I treat an a as a special character instead a regular consonant. That was never my intent, it was never about who's right and who's wrong. It was about how I expected my words to be handled and interpreted. I don't think that is unreasonable to expect that, especially since all this time we have been able to enjoy a trusting relationship where my stories were not retold incorrectly. There is no one person that is right and the others is wrong. There is no negotiations and terms of agreement to need to be made for us to have a good relationship with words. It is a simple matter of trusting someone and sharing a respect level both ways. What is disturbing is that I thought we had that, only to discover that it doesn't matter how I speak my a's are not always vowel and my minute don't mean a long time even as only a particular weirdness to me when it comes to this person. And that stubbornness and lack of respect for my stories and their integrity hurts and feeds the anger of any betrayal regardless if we are talking about a's, b's, c's, or z's. Here's the hard question, would you still grant someone the same level of trust with your words when they, to their core, disagrees with you and refuses to see or acknowledge that you have your own rules that relate to your own words? How do you handle a disconnect of meaning?

Things Your Momma Should of Taught Ya #1

This morning as I brushed my teeth in rush to make my dentist appointment, a thought went through my head. I think one reason my dentist and nurses have always liked me was because my breath doesn't stink. Image what it feels like for a doctor to have his nose inches away from a wide open mouth. I think that is why they wear the mask on their face. Not to be cocky, arrogant, or anything but my breath does not stink.

 My family is brutally honest and one thing momma would let you know is that you breath stinks if you were talking in her face. Mom taught me the key to keeping your mouth from stinking. Of course there is brushing, flossing, and avoiding sweets. But the actual key to fresh breath is brushing your tongue. Unless your teeth is rotting, that where the oder is coming from. There too many people that brush and still have bad breath, that is because they don't brush their tongue. Their momma should taught them that.

October 05, 2008

A Pet Snake

Shout out to Jackie Peppers for leaning on me. This is a new post. Y'all have to keep pressure on me, or I'll procrastinate and slip up.

Some people are confused why I treat someone differently than I would threat someone else. Simply put because I have a different relationship with everyone. And I analyze people. It's no secret I get along with everyone. But I do classify some closer, cooler, or dangerous to me more than others. And I hold everyone to separate expectations based on how well I think I know them. Shout out to Meraf - WPGC 95.5 FM (shameless plug), I always had high expectation for you!

 An important factor in me knowing someone is consistency. Whither it's a positive or negative trait. Your personality and who you are is defined by your consistency. I can be good friends with shady people because they are consistent and I expect that, their shadiness is not a surprise. I can respect that that's who they are and I am able to deal with it because THAT IS who they are...shady. But at the same time, shady people can not expect to have the same level of trust or loyalty as another one of my friends because consistently they are shady people.

 I'm a complicated and reasonable person. But I also I have an opinion and traits that I respect more than others. I prefer a bad person that I can understand vs a good person that I don't. it's consistency.

 Say I had two friends, one was kind of shady and an asshole or a dick. The other was really nice and friendly, the easy to get along type. The asshole friend and the nice friend are both nice to me, personally we have a good relationship. But they both talk shit about other people. The difference between the two is that the asshole is not an easy to get along with person and are not afraid to speak up when they don't agree. The easy to get along with person either co-signs or joins in but never defends anyone that is being dogged out in their presence even if they are friends with them because they avoid conflict. Now let's talk loyalty. As friend I would give them both my loyalty because that's who I am. But... Odds are I would trusts the asshole more because they are more consistent and straight forward. Why are snakes so feared? Because when they attack you don't see it coming. That's why snakes are more feared than bears. Bears you see coming, snakes sneak up on you. With assholes, I kind of know how they are and I can trust them to be that way. So if ever my name needs to be defended, I know the asshole person would have my back while the nice person would just sit there and not say a thing or maybe co-sign on it. Now you may ask, What is the problem with that, they are being themselves and consistent, isn't that what you said you liked? The problem is... at least to me is that I'm an asshole type and I speak up when you talk negative about my friends (or most anything I like). Loyalty and consistency is important when it come to personality especially to a person that is a very loyal person, himself. I have that dog type of loyalty. But unlike a dog, if you abuse me I will bite you. And that's major problem I have with those nice people. Way too often it's easy for them to join in talking shit about people. Personally, I believe a real friend speaks out for their friends and great people like MLK will go a step further and speak up for those that have no voice (not present people). And most of the time the nice people hate the assholes, and they will talk shit about the assholes but not to the assholes. But if the assholes like a nice person the assholes never say a bad word about them. Because they are asshole and don't waste time talking about people they like when they can talk shit about people they really don't like. My problem is I'm an asshole type that can't trust my friendly non conflict friends (let me say you friendly folks that we go back through a lot of shit, y'all have my heart and don't apply, I know y'all got my back).

 Basically, I lose respect and trust in someone who talks shit instead of defending someone who could be seen as a friend and who has never said anything bad about them or even defended them when they are not around. In my ALMOST my 30 years of experience I have learned that people do grow and change but loyalty to people is something that doesn't change. You don't learn it. The only thing that changes is who you are loyal to.

 My "asshole" type friends are the ones I have for the longest, because I have their back and they have mine. And if they have a problem with me they tell me, instead complaining behind my back.

 If I'm wrong please let me know. If I'm right on point, feel free to amen on it. I think everyone has an opinion on people that talk shit about people aka haters.