How I First Learned To Program

I been asked many times, is computer programming hard?  My answer is always no, anyone can learn.  I taught myself my first programming language in early in the 9th grade after randomly finding this BASIC Games Book in the used bookstore in Downtown Wheaton, Maryland.  On the family old 286 PC, I would sit there an type out programs and run them on the MS-DOS BASIC Interpreter.  I never learn how to save the files so I would have to retype the programs every time I got on.  It wasn't just about playing the games, it was the correlation of what I typed and how it translated in to actions on the computer.  And with further understanding, I would be able to write programs that do what I want them to do, like those in the book.

At night, I would lay in the bed and study the programs...relating what one line might mean to another.  And that's how I learned BASIC.  I didn't have anyone to teach me or any idea of what it was I was looking at, but I liked it.  I was able to figure out what the keywords meant through mostly trial and error and relational analyst.  Now that I'm older, I don't think it was a process too different from someone learning another speaking language through immersion.  Learning is learning no matter what the subject is.  You can learn the laws of physics by using and observing them.

Today, I know several more programming language and have a Computer Science degree.  Also, I am doing what I learned to love years ago for a living.  It feels good.  But the bottom line, it wasn't hard to learn; it only took one book, and it wasn't even a how to book.

*Disclaimer* Learning a computer language is not difficult at all but being good at writing computer software is mainly the reason why you paid what you are paid.  Just like a writer, knowing how to put words together will only get you so far, the talent is how well you put the words together to achieve your goal.

Twitter Beef: Al Roker vs Will Wash

What happened?

Al Roker had a problem with something I tweeted.

What do you mean?

I did a normal Will Wash tweet and the dude seen it and felt the need to response.

What did you say?

“Al Roker is the worst #thatsallthanks”

Why?

Because I was forced to watch the Today Show and I felt like killing myself.

What did he say?

Really I don’t know, I didn’t understand it.  Some kind of play on my words.  Probably a joke, but we all know he ain’t funny.  But you know, I’m from DC.  We don’t get star struck, so I carried him.

Was it really Al Roker?

Dunno for sure but it came from his Twitter account.  He was verified.

Why was you picking on him?

I wasn’t.  It was like an under the breath comment.  Who told him to get all sensitive?  Unless he knows it true!

Video Blog:

LOL fall back, weatherman!

Will Wash For The Muthafuckin Win!!!

New Years Eve Party - Awesome
Won My Fantasy Football Money League - Awesome
Won the First Soccer Game of Year - Awesome
Got WillWash.com back - Priceless!!!

Years ago in a place not too far way, there was a young Computer Science student... Haha, let me stop.  Ok, here's the word on the street.  Back in the day while still in school learning about computer stuff, I had a website.  One of them see if I could do it things.  Will Wash Dot Com.  http://willwash.com.  My Nickname.  Anyway, it was my baby (bammas aint have websites like that), I had an awesome flash movie on it and all with music and shit...Limp Bizkit and my purple Neon.  HAHA!  Some may remember it.  Anyway time past and I got busy with working and school and forgot all about my site.  At some point in time prob a year lol I lost the domain name to willwash.com because you have to pay yearly to keep it.  So a several years back I went to see what had happen to WillWash.com and it was owned by a company selling washing machine parts.  AND it looked plain jane, I guess it was just used to order parts.  But I was hurt, because it was mine and I AM WillWash.

Well today while trying to register a domain name for a Twitter web app I was making for shits and giggles, I typed in willwash.com and it was available.  I was shocked and relieved.  I don't know if you understand the big money that is in owning domain names, it's like real estate.  My Twitter App is called MonsterTweet so I looked for MonsterTweet.com and it was already taken along with every other variation.  But if you search online there isn't a MonsterTweet.com or a MonsterTweet Twitter App.  Some dude just bought up all the names.  They told me I could try to but it off of them (bid) and that started at $60.  Please understand first time I got willwash.com it cost me $3 a year. So you know I wasn't pressed for MonsterTweet.com.  Also knowing how much it hurts the pockets to get a functioning domain name (some cost several thousands), please understand how boosted I was to see the other person also failed renew the domain name.  I don't know if it was the recession or what that closed his web business, but I jump my ass through the window like "Hey N****, I'm home!!"  Allison is a witness to my ass running through the office building to get my wallet to buy my name back, because that what it is to me - buying my name back. It costs me 3 times more than last time but at least I got it.

Check it out http://www.willwash.com or just plain http://willwash.com

WWFTW!!!!!!!

I Started Playing Dragon's Age video game

This was an email I wrote Susan talking about me playing the video game Dragon's Age.  Warning this is a spoiler!

I started playing Dragon's Age tonight and it took me one hour and 58 minutes to get started, plus a hour and a half fighting Playstation Network(which sucks balls).  OMG this game is epic in depth.  I created a poor dwarf (which his height blows me).  The local crime boss has my sister and me under wraps.  I'm his flunky and he's pimping my sister.  he is forcing my sister to whore herself to give a nobleman a child.  Only the noble's children are able to fight in the war with evil which we are losing.  the underground people live in this a strict caste system. you are what your parent and grandfathers were.  we are poor and had no caste, so that's I am a criminal who works for the crime boss.  While walking the streets people are so nasty to me, and talk down to me.  My mom in the game is a drunk bitch and she is so mean and negative, I can't fuck with her but I guess that comes living as an outcast.  However my sister is so nice and dwarf pretty (think porn star Pinky lol).

I want to save her from being a noble whore.  There a lot of options available, I can be nice, a complete dick, or a lame yes man.  My sister confesses she met a nobleman but didn't want to tell the crime boss. in talking with my sister I find out there is only two ways to raise my family from being outcasts.  one, she has child with a nobleman and he adds our family to his or, two, I do the impossible and go above ground save the race and comeback a legend like only one other person in dwarf history.

Well the boss sends me on mission to see if a guy is stealing, I tried being nice and it didn't work then I threaten to kill him and plant evidence and he fessed up.  He had a side job sale some expensive rock up to above ground humans.  He tried to make a deal with me to not kill him for stealing from the boss, he give us a cut.  I half agree and this shocks the dude the boss sent with me to do the job, I tell him we can split the money, he becomes cool with it. Then I think about it and if the boss finds out that A. we kept the money he will kill us and B. if don't kill this guy he will kill us.  So I decide to kill the guy who was stealing, we take the stolen goods back to the boss.  But I only gave the boss half and pocketed the other half.  There is so many options in this game.

The next job is to rig this local fight put on for an above ground legendary battle called Grey Wardens.  They are looking for a new member and the winner of the fight tournament gets a shot.  Boss man placed a ton of money on this underdog fighter to win.  He task me and my boy to go drug the other fighter so dude can win.  We get there I met the human guy from the Grey Wardens and start acting like a 8 yr old meeting Kobe Bryant.  Dude was real nice to me and didn't treat me like the scum of the other like the dwarfs do.  I lose my wording and he walks away.

We find the bum we are suppose to help win and he is passed out drunk before the fight.  So to save everyone's ass I dress up in the dude's armor and cover my face to pretend I am him.  I have the option to have my boy go drug the guy I am fighting but I decline, say I want to prove myself to the Grey Wardens...even though I can never show my true self because as a no-caste I'm not suppose be in the building and much less fight in a noble event. So I fight and win. and then wins some more all in mask.  then right before the championship is awarded this drunk fool comes out talk about I got his armor in the middle of the arena.  Why didn't my boy hold him back I don't know.  The Dwarf king gets upset and asks me to remove my mask, I refuse at first then the guards come and I do to the horror to everyone but the Grey Warden.  I get jumped by guards and locked up.  The Bossman pulls some strings to get me transfered from the jail to locked up in his hideout just so he can kill me himself instead of the guards who want to kill me for breaking the caste system.  Bossman wants me and my boy dead because we can finger him for rigging the fight.

There is a dumb guard watching us, I trick him into coming close and pick pocket him for the key.  my criminal background pays off.  I break me and homie out and fight our way to the bossman in his hideout.  I kill the boss, who was hard for me because I just started the game and still learning how to play and was only level one.  Soon as we step outside, the king and guards are waiting for us to lock us up for escaping.  I tell them I kill the crime boss, but it still didn't matter to the king because I broke the caste system laws.  The Grey Warden is impressed with my skill and will and offers me a job and protection from the king.  It's my only option verse death.  If I leave the Grey Warden side the guards will jump me.  I am forced to leave home.  My sister is there after the Grey Warden found her.  I ask if she will be ok and she said she found a nobleman to take of her.  I ask if she is sure, I still don't like the baby machine idea.  She says she will be proud to have a child that will raise the family and one day go fight for the race.  So I leave my family and people behind to join the Grey Wardens in the war with evil.  Ok only 98 more hours left.

Video Games are the Novels of the Non-Reader

For Christmas I got a PS3! Yay, I feel like a kid again.  As a long time Xbox user and avid gamer I don’t think I missed much in terms of gaming, because I try to keep up.  Anyway, my Xbox is still my primary gaming machine.  I but I don’t like the idea of my PS3 as only a Blu-Ray player, so I went looking for a game to play on it.  The keys I was looking for in games for my PS3 was:

1. Single Player.  Xbox reigns supreme in multiplayer, and that’s where all my friends are to play with.  Also I have the Playstation in the bedroom so I can lay in bed and play until I get sleepy.
2. Have an engaging story, part of the experience is I want to be entertained and not need to watch Netflix or Blu-rays.

I remember a friend saying the scariest game he ever played was Dead Space.  So I went to look it up.  It was survival horror game and available for both the PS3 and the Xbox.  I looked at the reviews(8.7 out of 10 with a good story).  They rated the graphics, scary mood lighting, and sound as really good.  That would be perfect for my bedroom set up too, finally get to make good usage of the surround sound set up I was pressed to put in the bedroom.  It doesn’t stop there, it was also up for a few yearly awards when first released and on many blog sites listed as one of the scariest games of all time. However they did say the Xbox version was slightly better( a trend I am noticing).  I did notice the price($20 verses $60) was greatly marked down for a PS3 game and they are in production of a sequel; sounded like a perfect game to start my PS3 gaming on.

Trailer:

I turned out the lights and cranked the surround sound up.  The game was engaging and visually stunning.  It took about 2 days and over 8 hours to finish the game.  I one thing I did not like about the game and I blame myself for reading too many reviews, is that I noticed exactly what the lady that wrote the only negative review about it had complained about it.  And it started to bother me too.  I don’t think I would of notice if I had not read that review either.  Fail on my part, for breaking my own guidelines of not looking too much at reviews.  But I took that negativity and used it as a reason to hurry up and beat the game so it would stop and I would be done with the game.

Normally when playing my games I don’t pay too much attention to story unless I know it or have a strong interest in it, like Star Wars games.  Ask me what the Gears of War or Halo stories were about, I couldn’t tell you even after completing all the games.  But this time I purposely tried to pay attention and listen and watch.  And it pays off so much!  I was amazed at how much I like the entire experience after they wrapped up the entire game at the end.  I thought back to scenes and info they presented earlier and it all made sense!  Shit the game play was average, the story just ok but the experience was amazing.  It was how everything came together, the mood (visuals and sounds) and the deep story (not a great story, but depth plus they had plot twist too like any good story with additional info you don’t think is important until the end).

So I was happy and entertained, because it’s was good game and I actually finished a game and knew what happened in it.

A couple of days later while surfing Netflix I stubble on an movie called Dead Space: Downfall.  From the description, it was a feature length prequel to the video game! And guess what, it was streaming too. FTW!!!  With a 3.4 stars best guess rating for me, 3.3 stars viewer rating (all out of 5), and having NOW beaten the game, I thought I should watch it.  It wasn’t bad at all, it was good even.  The best part was that: I knew what was going on into the movie, so there wasn’t any figuring out, just all story to entertain me. 

Trailer:



The entirety of this was an epic experience stemming from an average $20 video game.

This got me thinking.  The last novel I read was couple months ago it was long and I got kind of bored and didn’t think to pick up back up.  That happens with games too.  This said novel was the 5 in a series, I like the earlier books (great value for $8 packs of paper) and keep reading to see where it was going.  Each book took hours to read, was long, and could be great if paying attention and had depth.  This is very similar in concept to the experiences I have playing some video games.  A common question when looking at a story based game is “Around how many hours is it?”  Like looking at the number of pages or words in a novel.  Novels don’t have straight lines of stories, neither do video games.  They are the same.  Except on makes you feel like you are guiding the story, but let’s be honest, you aren’t, the writers/programmers designed it that way. So I say, video games are the novels to the non-reader that like to do instead of watch.  The difference is interaction.  Both are long winding stories, but some people don’t mind reading for hours on end while others prefer pushing buttons and other stimulations to get their story.

*sorry, wrote this at work and it’s too long for me to read over and fix grammar, spelling, and shit. If you follow me, you know good grammar is not a priority when it comes to get my message out.

We Was Going To The Free Zone, Hamsterdam

I am trying to forget this story, but let me try to recap for the record keeping. Those that follow me on Twitter prob heard me bitching. After Brussels, everything was lovely. We was on a natural high. We jumped on the train to Amsterdam first class and was scooting along in a private room on the train. But we get to this one stop in Belgium and they make an announcement that there will be a delay. We think nothing of it. Sitting around laughing and joking. We caught two people at the train station picking boogers in the same spot. First guy sits on the bench and picks his boogers, then another guy takes his spot on that bench and picks his but then he wipes his boogers on the seat and gets up. A lady and her child then takes his spot on the booger bench.

A few minutes becomes an hour. They announce people can go and come from the train. The power is out of line in the section of track between Belgium and Netherlands. Confusion was here by now. There was no universal language to share information. The Station displays were in Dutch and people were speaking Dutch, French, English (somewhat AND as an afterthought), and German later.  The lack of information was the theme of the night.  So then they said for us to take another train and transfer at some station.  Everyone goes to the other train confused in all types of ways.  At the first stop on the new train they tell everyone to get off and catch a bus.  People breakout running and confused, don’t know where to go to.  It just officially became the amazing race.  Running, asking questions, running again – just going in circles.  So we wait outside under a bridge for a long time waiting for buses.  This was a whole train of people going to the Netherlands, so we are talking hundreds of people.  People start grouping up together and taking taxis.  We was making friends through pain with people that spoke English, I mean we had to stick together for info because all the officials was only speaking Dutch, it hurt them to talk English, a universal language most of the riders understood.  After a long time under the bridge they told us to go catch another train they set aside for us.  We take that train only to be told to get out.  Half the people went to a transfer point only to find out the last train to Amsterdam left already.  So then there was another mad dash to the buses that was suppose to take us across the country line.  By this time we left Belgium and was in Germany.  We was one of the lucky few to get a spot on a bus.  By this time I stop helping the lady with the baby in a stroller, I was out for self.  She wasn’t smart about it and evolution say the strongest survive, that includes mentally too.  If she was smart she would take the baby out the stroller when going down steps.  My new friends was people that speak Dutch and English.

The bus drove us in to the Netherlands.  Stopped at a station where the trains were still running to Amsterdam.  The process lasted for 8 hours, the normal train ride was only about 2 hours.  We got to the hotel after midnight.  Every 100 meters (doing the Euro talk) you smelled weed in the air, every 50 meters you saw a young zombie walk by.The people at the Hotel was cool, the Hotel was cool. Amsterdam is cool.  I loved the friendliness and diversity of the people there.  I plan to go back.  I lost 6 hours of Amsterdam wondering due to a fuck up in the train system.

We had really stylish rooms that was a great change from the old grim of Paris the night before.  After finding both food and free porn on TV, we called it a night.  For the record, Amsterdam makes you horny.  It’s strange but true.  It truly is Sodom and Gomorrah.

The next morning, we had breakfast (Dutch and English Style), shopped, and went on a tour.

I wanted to punch this kid in the face.  He kept giving me the evil eye.  You can see where he learned it from.

Also hit up the Diamond Factory and wasted a lot of time there buying stuff.  Tax Free.

Pictures:

Barber Shop Advice: Go to the Red Light District

So my Barber asked me what’s going on and I said I was going to Germany this weekend, and he goes, “Ahh, Red Light District.”  LOL the rest of the barber shop chimes in talking about how good the hookers in Europe look, how they will love me because I don’t look like them, and how much easier it was than dating. LMAO.  They went in depth about the last one. 

It would cost more to knock it down by dating here.  They was dreaming of a better world where girls would tell them how many dates before they would let you hit, then figure out the cost (for things like dinner and such) then pay up front so nobody don’t wastes time.  Have to love barber shop talk.  Everyone agreed Nevada’s Bunny Ranch was not what was up.  It cost too much for girls that not even tight.  No one was willing to spend several g’s.

Then they proceed to ask everyone where have they been and how are the girls.  When one said Brazil, convo reach a high and a low.  Love for the sexual freedom of the people.  One guy had a tale of three women bent over at once, two sisters and a cousin, all getting it in at the same time.  Another guy confirmed, yup they get it like that.

“You can bang out 5 a night.”
”Will it cost you?”
”Nah, they having fun too.  They sexually free.”

But then he got real, “You’ll wake up with your dick on the pillow beside you.  And they got the highest AIDS rate.”  Finally, he warned Becky might be a Billy.  The guys look just like girls. After few jokes that deaded the whole convo.  Barber Shop Advice: Go to the Red Light District and have a brownie in Amsterdam.

Gangstas Don’t Wear Skinny Jeans

Last Saturday after some amazing seafood in Annapolis, I went to the movies with America’s favorite newlyweds, Chalmer and Crystal.  The closest theater on our way back to DC was Bowie; so we went there.  When we get there is a gang (slang for a lot) of little youngins.  It looked like school just let out and they all were hanging around.  My thoughts were: there are no adults out here and all these boys have on tight ass jeans.  Not a normal or baggy pair in sight.  It felt like the Twilight Zone.  I ain’t around high school kids that much and ones I do see are in VA and Mo County mostly.  I don’t think the epidemic is as bad there as in DC and PG County.  And dreads, high tops, and tight jeans is an epidemic.  They are like zombies all looking the same, just slightly different looking faces.  Ghetto smurfs- all with the same uniform just different names.  I agree with Crystal, I feel sorry for the younger girls; their pickings is slim.  I see why the lesbian option is starting younger and more frequently.

As good luck would have it, we missed the 9:00 3D showing of Final Destination by 10 minutes and had to get tickets to the 11 show.  This was cool because one of Crystal’s girlfriends decided to meet up with us.

In the lobby of the movie theater I saw a bomb ass display of DMV’s own Taraji Henson looking sexy.  But you should of seen my face when I read Tyler Parry’s name on it.  Chalmer saw my face and asked me what was wrong.  I said it’s a Tyler Perry movie, I was blown because I like Taraji Henson.  He understood.  I will save my Tyler Perry rant for another day, too tired to deal with the fan girls what will defend his bamma ass.

To past the time, we walk over to Friday’s and grab a spot at the bar.  Well, two of us do.  I’m not going to talk about the lady holding up a spot at bar waiting for a date that will never come.  Kind of felt bad for her even though I was talking about her ass like a dog for holding up that spot for 2 hours while people had to stand.  …But she had hot date, or what was suppose to be a hot date.

Friday’s was cool because they had $4 margaritas, long island, and mojitos. So you know we was getting it in.  And I had to get a sundae after smelling all the fudge from Annapolis’ Main Street.  But speaking of fudge and I don’t judge.  Two dudes came in to the bar and sat on the other side of us.  One looked like TI and the other, like a generic dark skinned bald head, big muscles dude with a tight ass polo; gym, model type.  The came in together but sat with a good size gap between them.  It was larger than one between Me and Chalmer and Crystal and her girlfriend, Kia,while we was talking.  So TI’s ordered drink comes it’s tall ass frozen strawberry something and little big man in a tight ass shirt get a glass of light purple/pink wine.  I turn to Chalmer and go, “They gay.”  At the same time Kia and Crystal are discussing the same thing in their convo and turn over to us and we all know we was talking about the same thing and bust out laughing.  But they was cool and silent.  I think they were either boys or on awkward ass date.  Because they didn’t talk to each other the whole time at the bar and then we saw them later together in line waiting to get in to see the movie.  Who had a worst night? Them or the chick that got stood up?

On the way back to the theater, we see a bunch of cop cars and kids scattered like insects talking to each other.  So we overhear that there was a fight.  Instantly, I’m upset that I missed it. LOL I had my flip cam on me too.  So we walk pass and the police got all the kids involved lined up on the curb.

Here’s my thing, the Hard Questions, how are you going to be gangster in middle of nowhere and in tight ass pants?  Look at what happened, they all got caught.  Let’s be honest, back in the day when we got in a fight, we got away and didn’t get caught by the police.  One, you don’t stick around afterwards.  But I guess because it was Bowie and no one lives in walking distance to ANYTHING.  So they might of gotten caught by waiting for their ride.  Two, even if they wanted to run from the police or the gang of boys wanting to beat yall up, they couldn’t because their pants are hanging below their ass and too tight to stretch.  The physics for running is impossible.  Gangstas don’t wear skinny jeans because you can’t do gangsta shit in skinny jeans.  That’s why loose pants, Tims, and an old easy to tear wife beater is the uniform of choice. LOL

Unkle Wee-am

I have always held the belief I would never have to be in the delivery room during anybody's child birth. My logic is that there are always more supportive and qualified people available than me. So I had the full intentions of being in the waiting room when I went up to the hospital to meet up with Marco, my brother, and Tasha for the birth of their little girl on this past Monday. But no such luck, I had to step up, be the good brother, and participate in the delivery of my first niece. I use the word participate loosely. For some reason the maternity ward was very busy that day. It was a very interesting experience, so I will give some of my impressions. Why did the hospital have the intern giving Tasha shots? Nothing is worst than hearing the newbie say, "I can't find your vein" before beginning to dig in the your arm with needle looking for one. And then missing. I felt so bad for Tasha. He was trying for 5 mins before his supervisor came to see what was taking so long. Now you know the Washington boys, we was on joke time, joning on the rookie. To make it worst, I couldn't understand a word that he was saying. English was like his 5th language. And the his supervisor came in fusing and English wasn't her first language either. I don't know how they understood each other? Man, they can't have intern practicing on already stressed out women. Tasha was acting tough and told the doctor she ain't want the epidural. I was quick to say if it was me, I would get it. But she wanted to be tough until them contractions got close. Change of heart ain't just a TV show. So I go get the nurse to say she changed her mind and the nurse says the doctor is in the middle of another birth but she will tell him. Later the nurse comes back and say it's going to be about an hour before the epidural, the doctor is in the middle of a C section. She checks on Tasha, she's 5 cm. I swear Tasha went from 5 cm to 10 cm in 5 mins. Halfway to walking to the bathroom, Tasha freezes. And pauses for 3 mins we get the nurse and then me and Marco carry Tasha back the bed. The baby was ready. The nurse jumps on the horn calling for the doctor and some back up. The doctor shows up on joke time. Talking about haha you wanted to be tough, too late for drugs now and something about not getting a medal. My brother thought he was funny, I was just like, man do your job. The nurse is constantly calling for help but no nurses are coming. Must be the big C section everyone is at, Tasha is wide open and the doctor yells for help, "Grab her legs." I go, "Marco, he talking to you!" LOL neither of us wanted to see it. The nurse has the left leg. Marco grabs Tasha's right leg breathing hard talking about he about to throw up, making faces. All of the sudden the doctor makes a quick movement and a ton of blood goes flying. He done cut something! And snatched the baby out. I still shutter thinking about it. I TOLD Tasha and Marco that doctor was too loose. They had a healthy baby. 20" 7 lbs 5.8 ounces (Mom said that was my weight at birth, 7 lbs 6 ounces). 10 finger, 10 toes. Full head of hair like Marco was when he was born. We all was trying to see her eyes, because Tasha has green eyes. I'm convinced that the baby has both Marco and Tasha's lips. Tasha's top and Marco's bottom. Juicy lips. Nurse said she had my nose, not sure about that, but it's ok. The process actually was pretty quick and Tasha handled it like a champ. Proud of her. I didn't take the nasty pictures she wanted, through. She wanted pictures and video of everything and I wasn't trying to see all that. Honestly, I planned on being out of the room. But that's my family and I got their back. Welcome Little Miss Sydney Ryan Washington, the new love of my life. And for those people that get pleasure out of the miracle of child birth... Not for the weak of heart. Part 1: Part 2:

Another Crazy Dream

Last night I had this crazy dream. Start off in some caves and there is a group of scientist in there. They are not safe in there and they ask me to guide them and protect them, because hostiles keep respawning up around them in the cave. So I help fight them off but every time I make a suggestion on what to do next to keep safe they say do something else. Justifying it as the smarter thing to do. They keep making snide remarks about how much smarter they are. I try to remind them that common sense and heart factor in, not just book smarts. They needed to listen to me. I get pissed and got off on the lead guy. I say I'm not stupid, I'm smarter than you think and run off a list of life accomplishments in anger. To prove my point I left them own their own. Later I came back and asked them if they still needed help and helped them again. Well, we get in to this big grand fight and my gun runs out of bullets and I have to switch to a smaller left handed gun. Well I after I fend them off in epic fashion, I go to the head scientist and I ask him for his right handed gun. I say I am better with the right handed one, let's switch. He says no he is right handed and rejects my argument that is more important for me to be in a better performance situation to defend. So I say fuck it and quit. I told them they are on there own and left them again. Well I go back in to the cave and I'm going through tunnels and come the location. There are bosses lurking in the room- MMO style. I separate the minions from the bosses and pick them off one by one. While I am fighting, another group comes in an starts fighting with bosses too. I take advantage of the distraction to clear out the room. When the room is cleared, I'm left with an evil priest, an evil business man, and a mother and her little girl, had to be 6 or 7. I'm demanding the money and treasure. I'm holding them hostage and threaten to shoot them if they don't do what I say. I ask the little girl where is the money, she says on the third floor second room on the right. I tell the mother you are going to unlock this treasure for me or I will make you watch your daughter suck my dick. wow I'm cold. As she is getting the stuff out of the wall safe and I feel threaten by one of the evil guys. So I slit his throat and stab him in the kidney with a hunting knife. Someone comments on efficient my kill was; admiring and warning the hostages. Now there seems to be a hand full of hostages, a lot more than before. I send someone to go get the money for me. They say I don't know where is. So I tell them it's upstairs third floor two doors to the right. While they are getting the money I confront the evil priest about what going on in this community, refuses to give in and repent. I lift up my gun and pull the trigger to shoot him in the throat, but it fire a BB instead of a bullet. I get upset and unload the BB gun on his throat. I becomes battered and bruised from the pellets. By now the money was back and there was whole lot of hostages. The mother asks me, what now? I say it's pretty much over, I can't leave we are surrounded. I tell the hostages that no matter what happens to me they (The Man) can not take back the money I stole. You can keep your jobs, they were mine workers that were about to be laid off because of the recession. Don't let them take the money, it's spent on yall jobs. It was nightfall by then and all the hostages, a hundred by now, are turned watching TV in the cave. I'm behind them in a lawn chair. I tell the little girl to go get the toys I gifted for her. When she goes away, I put my head in my hands between my legs in the chair and start crying. Starts off weak then turns in to an all out ball. I'm whining, "I don't want to die, I don't want to die." I knew I had to die, and it was not a choice. So I kept crying, like a child. It made everyone around sad to hear a grown man giving a real cry. Ended up on the floor by the time the little girl came back. She sit down besides me without a word and played with the toys. It calms me as my crying dies down to a whimper. Finally, I get up and get a couple of thank yous from the hostages. I say don't let them take your jobs, they can't do that. It's not right. The mother comes and gives me a hug and a kiss. Then I walk to the door of the cave to die, not looking back.

Hurricanes Don't Scare Team Ari

This weekend was Hurricane Hanna, and I was invited to a friend's housewarming. But that didn't stop her. She is a party animal. First, let me follow directions and first say that my friend, Team Ari's friends are hot or hawt as they say. Check out the video embedded. It was a fun and interesting night. Despite the earlier rains and wind, there was a lot people out that night. I met a lot of new cool, semi-cool, and fun peeps that night fo' sho (that's my Flavor Flav). I would have to say that the most interesting person that night (besides Nick) was a nice pretty young lady named Stephanie. Stephanie liked my t-shirt. I was wearing my "Can't Sell Dope Forever" t-shirt. And the poor child thought it meant I was a drug dealer. After explaining to her dope is cocaine or heroin and not marijuana, we agreed to disagree and had a great discussion on social and political effects of the drug trade. I think I was able to convince her that 1. you don't get high on your own supply and 2. people (other than her, because she said she never would) really out grow drugs or at least should. It's like the old guy in the club, you can't be that guy. So you sell weed in college, then you graduate. You going to still continue? Who's your new customers? What's the risk/reward value now? Can't you make more with a degree than pushing dimes and nicks? Hopefully, one day sweetie will see my point. ...Or was she fucking with me?! Come to think about it, we had a lot in common. Admittedly, we both like to play devil's advocate. haha, funny i think she got me. Shout outs is so hood, but fun. So let me give some shout outs. Shout out to Team Ari and her roommates, it always a pleasure. Shout out to Omid, for hanging with me and providing the laughs. Shout to Allison and Jenny, the dynamic duo. Special Big ups to Jenny for letting the girls breathe. Jenny is butter! Shout out to the Jack Black/Shaggy Doo/Ben for spinning all the hits like Coolio! Shout out to Stephanie for her determination, I guess it's OK to be a weed head for life. I don't judge. Big ups to Allison, for providing us with plenty of cheese that night. Shout out Allison, Jenny, and Renee's high school friend that crashed the party, he was the coolest says Allison several times. Shout out to Lauren, I was SO feeling the Barack Obama button. Lauren earn a hundred cool points from me. Shout to Greg, for not being afraid to ask questions. And no, I haven't seen Jordan lately. Shout to Jeff, for feeling what I was saying on the couch. I'm always right, homie. Shout out to Renee, for not hiding those pretty eyes from the camera. They need to be shared with the world. Shout out to Matt and the "Team Ari Security Team." Shout out to the Radford chick, for being for Sigma Pi before being against them, the republican party needs more people like you. Shout to Nick, for being the funniest guy alive! "I want Five Guys" too. lol And a huge big ups to Team Ari, for keeping it real with me on and off camera. Thanks for listening to me, and I so value what you say. Peace. I'm out till next time.

Vibrations

So I'm happy to say I have added two new terms this past weekend in to my rotation. On friday, I went on a Happy Hour Margarita Cruise. I met two Middle School teachers there, which is really cool. Oh yea, they were fairly young teachers. My conversation are never how is the weather type, so I'm telling the ladies of my latest "thing." I like to point out lesbian couples. Not the gay ones, just the lesbians. I like to go, "oh, look. there's a cute lesbian couple." That's my latest "thing" to do out in public with friends. Well, one of the teachers tells me of the gay girl in her Middle School class. Term one: She called her a "Lil Wayne disciple." I love it. The little girl looked like Lil Wayne, but I assume without the extremely ugly face. Anyway, the little girl dresses and acts like a gangsta boy, even does the whole voice over thing. Now there was the tale of the cutest girl in the grade and all the boys was trying to holler at her, and guess who gets her number? yep, Lil Miss Wayne. Now let me say now, the little girl was upset when she found out Lil Miss Wayne was actually a Miss. But it's a great story. Ready for term two? OK, so one day my new favorite Middle School teacher is sitting in class and the class has something occupying them. So the teacher pulls out an apple and takes a bite. As she bites the apple, Lil Miss Wayne watches her lips pressed on the apple skin taking a bite and says out loud, "vibrations." HAHAHA!!!!!! OMG!! Vaginal Vibrations? ha ha I love it. The teacher said she had to get up and leave the class when she heard that so she would not hurt that little girl. I laughed so hard. Mmmm vibrations....

When Irony Met Karma

Today I left work with a headache and sore eyes. But as I watch Lost and The Office (the I've been watching "The Wire" lately joke was classic), I came to a realization. A few months back, while on IM with a very lovely friend(trying to get brownie points) I took a sarcastic comment out of context and took it to heart. I freaked out and proceed to call her dismissive and mean spirited. After reflecting on what and how it was said and the particular context, I realized I was wrong and apologized. From the moment I met her she had been nothing but the nicest to me, and it was unfair for me to accuse her of otherwise by taking a (bad) sarcastic joke out of context with no proof. It was not a good moment in Will history. So today, I'm on IM again with my friend I go on my "Judge My By Actions" speech and say somethings I commonly say, I'm a hypocrite and just because I may say something but doesn't mean that I mean it. My friend took it literally and to heart and accused me without really saying it of possibly not being truthful with her this entire time that I have known her based off of that. Which caused me to become upset. My words were taken without regard to context and then generalized. Those are lines I use to stress the importance of judging someone by their actions and the need for the greater good. And are true within the appropriate context. Especially from a person who preaches about avoiding generalizes, having different responses to different situations, and the greater good of things. But come on, to say I always say something when I mean another? That is a compulsive liar. As someone that prides themselves on telling it how it is, it hurts. I am not a compulsive liar. Especially since I have been nothing but honest with everyone and especially her more so than others. Plus there was no proof of the otherwise, either. I hope she one day is able to trust me again and understands that I am not a liar and it's kind of ridiculous to be someone who lies all the time and then admits to it. Wouldn't a compulsive liar lie about being a liar? Karma is a bitch, now I really know what she felt like to be attacked after having a few word taken the wrong way.

Ok It Was A Little Lame

Ok, so it might have been a “lame ass attempt” at an April Fool’s Day trick, like a certain somebody made a point to point out. But isn’t it the thought that counts? And since when did black people start using the word lame anyway? I’ll be the first to admit in retrospect that it wasn’t that good of a joke, but I’m not that creative at three in the morning after playing some intense Halo with the Bowie State Comp Sci Boys. “I like to rock the black, cause I got a cool killer look.”

While putting the finishing touches some posts to be placed on the blog for a later date. Because I promised myself that I would work on it more, since the number of my subscribers has quadrupled since November. I’m not talking about the people that just stop thru and see a page. I’m talking about subscribers. They are people that request to get new shit automatically and regularly. These are the people Da Franchise Boyz are talking about, random ass people off the net that stumbled on my shit and liked it. Boy, I think they like me.

Anyway, I saw the date and it was April Fool’s Day and I was like I got to do something. I got to fuck with somebody. I was going to get at that bamma that had a problem with what I said about P. Diddy. Earlier, Chalmer hit me up with a guest writing spot about motherfuckers and their cell phone, which I will have to follow up on because he missed some people I got beef with. I decided to write a post saying that I was giving up the blog. Then I had to think of a how. I picked I was going to prison. This was one I could work with, joke wise, but now that I look back it probably wasn’t the best one. Literally four weeks ago, I was at a coming home party for one of my cousins that just finished a 20-year bid. Now I think it the idea was a little insensitive. But that’s the story of my life. Say it now and apologize later for it.

A good April Fool’s Day joke takes a proper balance of fact and fiction to work. And I took a piss and a little bit missed the toilet (You can use that quote). The story was not outrageous enough to be completely unbelievable. It was like 4 am at this point. I have crazier real stories. Plus, I’m not good at lying. I like to kill’em with the truth. For the people that missed my post and/or email and are now just catching up, “it’s whatever”. You missed it. I made the web page talk for the people that visited the site on that day. I was a little siced that I could do that. Now be honest with yourself, if you missed it stop reading this shit and wait for the next shit to go down, you’re late. You missed the bus.

For the people that didn’t fall for it: I don’t care if it was April Fool’s Day or not, what the fuck is wrong with you?! I was going to jail and you didn’t care? You should have been like, “Oh, Will that’s tragic, want can I do for you?” You ain’t have be on my nuts or anything but show some fucking concern. I’ll be the first to say I ain’t cute, but I am way to pretty to go to jail. And I’m not a flat booty brother either. Ladies, you can bounce quarters of off my ass. Check it, I used to work out and I get it from my momma. The last thing, I don’t need to be is in a prison shower with a 250 lbs grown ass man thinking, “Shorty got ass.” I can’t be anywhere like that. You know I’m a little homophobic. I’m not built for that shit nor do I want to be. Yall should have cared about my ass (no pun intended). Sadly, I probably would have gotten a college degree faster if I went the locked up route. Prison lawyers are the bomb. For the people that say, I know you, Will. And you’re a good guy and would never get in trouble and to have to go to jail. Bullshit, don’t think for a second, I won’t catch a case right now and go straight to jail. I’m a Black man in American and that’s real. You can clap for that.

For the people that did fall for it: Ha Ha. April Fools. Gotcha good huh? Unlike the motherfuckers I addressed above, I like you because you like me. Yall are the real ones in my eyes. I appreciate the love and support shown, and that’s real. The advice how to be strong and for me not to let anyone toss my salad with neither jelly nor syrup was touching in a thug love type of way. Even my buddy, who was born in hell but kicked because she was too mean instantly, showed me a lot of love. I must be rubbing off on her. Everything was all in the spirit of April Fool’s Day so no hard feelings, but do know I got your back just like you got mine, even the bammas that didn’t care if I got locked up. That’s the type of person, I am. That’s why even Jesus wears a “What Would Will Wash Do?” t-shirt.

Even though no one took up the offer for the nudie pictures (for which I was greatly disappointed by), writing people is still important. We can work into the nudie pictures later. Cause everybody got a little freak in them (preview of a future post). For years now, I write to my uncle serving a life sentence from getting caught up with some shady (out respect of the dead, it would be in appropriate to use the b-word, but that’s another story) girlfriend shit, although, I don’t write as often as I should. Just about everybody knows someone locked up or has been, especially if your Black, Hispanic, White, and Arabs now. Arabs just can’t talk to their people while they’re in Guantanamo Bay. Write them a letter and send them a picture of the family. When one of my other cousins was locked up he said one of favorite things to do was draw naked girls. Now that’s real, because you can’t be mad at that. Can’t go the gay route and dudes love women and sex neither of which you can get or want to get in jail. Remember, they are friends or family members locked up with monsters and have no contact to the outside normal world. Be their link. It’s costs nothing but time and thought to you however it’s worth a fortune to them. Ask anyone who been locked up.

Now for the after school special time, what have I learn from this? Some of you bammas don’t care if I get shanked or ass raped. I hope you feel guilty. It was fucked up, insensitive, and in bad taste for me to play a trick on those that do care if I get booty hole taken. I hope we all can hug make-up. I like hugs… They make you feel warm… Oh yea, one thing I am interested to know is, what did people think I was on parole for in the first place? That would be an interesting survey.

I still love you guys.

Your boy,

Will Wash

P.S. Even though I’m not going to be serving time, we can still hit up the strip club. “When she give me a lap dance it feels like we’re on a date. Cause I’m in love with a stripper.”

P.S.S. Shout out to Luan for photoshoping my mug shot. Too funny. He must want my ass to get taking.

Black Sci-Fi

I love movies. I got a decent DVD collection. One thing I have noticed is that there are no Black sci-fi movies or shows. I happen to like sci-fi shit. I watched Firefly and Star Trek- the first two only, the rest were garbage. Oh shit, I hear the Trekie fanboys keyboards going now with hate mail. I know what the corporations are saying, Black people don’t watch sci-fi and that why UPN and BET don’t have any sci-fi shows. So what. I know Black people don’t watch sci-fi in masses. Ever seen a Trek convention or a Star Wars convention? The black faces are few in between. But I know Black people love Star Wars, go Lando! Maybe Black people don’t go crazy for Sci-Fi shows because there are no shows specifically for them.

I propose a sci-fi show for the Black audience. It will take place in the not too distant in the urban environment. It will star a cool ass captain. Much cooler than Kirk, that’s for sure. They wouldn't even call him captain; they’ll call him War chief. I’ll have someone like Sam Jackson play it. War Chief would have his crew fight hi-tech enemies and solving stupid mysteries. They would communicate with the Nextel-Sprite phone cause nigga’s love the sci-fi sound of the Nextel chirp. For eye candy, his second in charge will be fine looking sister that will keep bammas tuning in because of her good looks and stylish outfit. She’ll be sister with style and attitude. Rounding off the crew would be two knuckleheads. They can be played by Mike Epps and Kat Williams, the Wayans Brothers, or youngins funny like that. They would solve paternity tests using sci-fi technology, like DNA tests and lie detector tests. Because, evidently that technology is still new and space age to the brothers caught up on the Maury Show. The spaceship would be pimped out flip down computer screens, leather seat, and chrome lining. The action will be gangsterist with attitudes and guns. I know it’s not a word but that how it will be, gangsterist. The good guys will be the bad guys. They rob, steal, sell, and smuggle under the nose of the big ruling empire/government. Shoot it like a music video and I would watch that shit.

Humbling Dream

I had of those awaking dreams this morning. A dream so crucial that it wakes you up before you want to wake up. Most of the time you forget them in an hour or try back to sleep and then end up forgetting it. But this morning, I wrote my dream down so I wouldn’t forget it. I don’t think they have like way of predicting the future or anything, but I do think they tell us more about ourselves and give us dormant creative ideas.

My dream was the most humbling. I dreamed my car got stripped. I remember I was in a movie theater. There was one guy from work sitting a seat way. In my whole dream there was only people from school and work. We were making jokes. We in a movie theater but we were watching a bad play. Bad as in not good. Then these guys move from the front of the theater to our row and now we had to sit besides each other. I was upset. Then the theater fills up with people from the lobby, like a event just ended. And they just started filing coming in. The place got rowdy and they end the play earlier. Then a fight breaks out in the theater between large groups of people. Everyone files out of the theater; I take the side exit and ends up outside the building. I lost the guy I knew from work, so I wander around looking for someone I know. I run into another guy from work and talk to him for a bit about who knows what and then I walk-on. I know I made at least one lap in a circle in some grassland then begin walking in town. And I run into some more guys from work and they were up to no good, being delinquents and shit. I don’t remember what they were doing but I remember being like “coming on guys…” that’s what I always when I see people doing delinquent shit like breaking or burning something. Anyway, following the crowd people, I that assume is from the event there was that let out, I make my way to a building’s backroom. I this back room is with people and some girls from work. There is music playing in there and we are dancing, I was behaving as if I had been drinking. I was way out of character. One by one people left the room until I was by myself. By then the place turned into a patio where I sat down waiting for one of the people that left and said that they would be back. I was looking at all the people walk past. People from school would stop through and ask me if I had seen somebody and I’d point them back where I came from. I sat there until I got tired of waiting and then the room turned into the back seat of my car parked in a ghetto ass hood. I move to the passenger’s seat. This ugly girl with a Caesar cut comes up to window and asks me a question. I answer it and point her on her way. She still stands around. I was like I got to go. I got out of my car to go in the back seat to get my keys off the floor. I was like, “why you still here?” She said I was going to have to come up off that, meaning my car. I was not about to get robbed, so I grabbed a metal stick like object from back seat and started poking her with to back her away. She kept coming. I started taping her in the head with it. Still she kept coming forward. Then I started hitting her with the joint in the head with a little more force, I wasn’t punishing her like I should of. Now, her face was bleeding and she backing away. Get her away from my car and the police show up. I’m like “She tried to jack me.” The officer’s like that coming around here, they take the cars for parts and that must have been humbling for you. He pointed to an extra clip she had concealed in the passenger seat visor that she would have gotten to, and said I was luck because if she would have gotten in my car she could have shot me. Which makes no sense now but in dream world everything makes sense. I was like, “oh for real,” I was relieved. Anyway, I turn to my car and the whole front end is gone. Everything up to the front door is missing. I was like what the fuck. Then the front end shows up and my wheels are missing. I was like how the fuck. Then I appear in Russell Simmons’s house. I walk down the hallway past Russell’s room and then past his closet, looking at the suits. I walk past Kimora’s walking closet and I see it’s in front of her bathroom. As I walk past I hear the shower stop. She steps out in towel talking about “this season’s fashions includes…” some nonsense and something about thongs. That catches my attention and I turn to see. She put on a bra and panties. I remember thinking I thought her breasts were bigger but damn she got a nice body. Then I walked on and I was in the studio with G-Unit and Kimora Lee on a reality show. I was telling them about the jacking and humbleness. So 50 starts singing something something humble, dun da dunt dunt humble. I couldn’t understand the words but it rocked. And they start rapping on it. I was like 50, I got to be on this track. I know I can’t rap but I got be on this track. He was like ok. So I start free styling. I say, I remember it because messed up and that’s what woke me up, me fucking up and I wrote it down. [Click to Play]
First I sung the hook:
Niggas got to be humble,
this world a fuckin jungle,
so be ready for the struggle,
that’s why you got be humble.

Then I rap:
a fo five will make shit get real real quick,
a 9mil will make the healthy real real sick,
you know me I ain’t about no bull shit,
force me boy and I will empty this clip,
we got G-Unit and Will Wash up in this bitch.

Then I fucked up and couldn’t say shit and woke up. Good thing I keep pen and paper by my bed. You should see my notes. I was writing sideways while lying down with one eye open, because the other one was a victim to morning crust. Fucking dreams. I wonder if the shit is worth anything, other than humbling me. I thought I was already a humble person.

Yesterday, I was talking about dancing with the stars and I was singing the Tony Yayo, 50 cent joint cuz that’s my new theme song. Plus I had class and worked yesterday and I said I would go down to Adams Morgan this weekend, so I kind of see some the references. But does it have meaning? I don’t know. Just wanted to share it. Sorry it’s not funny I don’t dream in funny. Come to think about it, I don’t think I have ever had a funny dream.

I Was Dancing With The Stars

Click to Play.

Big Cuz Got Slumped

Click to Play.

This is part of what I recorded friday night out at Howard Homecoming. It was big fight between DC and the out of towners. Like dude says, "When you come to DC you get it like that." Now watch Big Cuz get slumped.