November 29, 2005

State of the William Address 2005

Greetings, my people.

I know it’s been a long time since my last address. A nigga has been fairly busy, with not much to say. But I cannot let a year go by without an address because it just wouldn’t be right. If you are reading this then you might notice that it is not in the form of an email. I got this blog site now. Tight huh? No? Fuck you then. I love most technology. And this is some underground geek shit. As some of you know, I wanted write a book, but that is to much work for a nigga on an 8th grade writing level. So I started a blog.

A blog is a website for which an individual or a group generates text, photographs, video, audio files, and/or links, typically but not always on a daily or otherwise regular basis (Wikipedia, ).

It can be used for headline news, entertainment news, or editorials. It’s like an online journal but not a journal or diary because they are pretty gay. Blogs are public forums for people to run their mouth. What I like about it is the multimedia aspects of the Internet. If you believe getting on the Internet is a great way to get on the net, then you deserve a “limp dick slap.” Please stop reading now; this site is not for you.

Now that the idiots are gone, have you ever heard of podcasting? No? That’s ok. I know niggas are new to com-pu-ters and they are easily confused by them.

Podcasting is a term used to describe a collection of technologies for automatically distributing audio and video programs over the internet using a publisher/subscriber model. It differs from earlier online collections of audio or video material because it automatically transfers materials to the user's computer for later consumption; it is one example of push technology. Podcasting enables independent producers to create self-published, syndicated "radio shows," and gives broadcast radio or television programs a new distribution method (Wikipedia, ).

What about the iPod? Do you know what that is? Yea- it’s the white walkman 50 cent had in his video. Anyway, iPods are mp3 players and they use iTunes software instead of windows media player. You can use iTunes to automatically subscribe to my page. Most bloging, podcasting, vlog sites are boring (except “The Family Guy”), but you definitely can see the potential for it to catch on. Personally, I like being able to combine text, audio, and video to give the full Will Wash experience.

First let give credit to Dan for the name of the site, “They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions.” The hard questions are the hows and the whys. The perfect example was earlier today when I was watching Maury. I know, I know… But it’s like watching a car accident; you just can’t look away. Anyway it’s was a ho-ish girl episode. This chick gets on TV talking about how she loves her boyfriend and they plan to get married soon but she had to tell a secret first. I know… I’m thinking the same thing, her ugly ass was lucky enough to get a nigga to promise marry her ass, she need to keep her mouth shut and run with it. But nah, she cheated and wanted him to know that the baby may not be his before they got married. Come on… Now she needed a “limp dick slap” too. Maury should have given it to her. But here is the hard questions; one, why are you telling him now on public TV? Two, if you love him so much why did you cheat on him? And why don’t you know who the real father is? Now you know, I got “the gift and the curse” of a wild imagination. I’m watching TV thinking, this bitch’s excuse has got to be good. Something like this, “Ray Ray never likes to try new things. I couldn’t help myself. I was over Craig’s and dem house, drinking and shit. Next thing I know, I got four guys standings around me their dicks outs. Each way different and they all look so good; so I had to try ‘em out. I counldn't help myself. The dicks were calling me. Ray Ray never invites his boys over to run trains on me. I just wanted to try something new, Maury.” And Maury loves up that ho-ish behavior. He’ll ask Ray Ray some shit, “How do you feel after 8 years of loving and paying child support on a little nigga that even yours?” The best part is how he asks the audience who the baby looks like, like there is an audience full of experts in baby looks. If I was Ray Ray, I’d be like, “Bitch. you lucky you ain’t take me on Jerry Springer. I’m fitting to whoop you and Maury’s ass up in here. Embarrassing me in front of my family and friends.” Maury really does deserve a punch in the face. Yes, in the face. A punch, right there, square in-the-face.

I think, I’m a pretty good tipper. I like to give 20% to 30%. I mean, come on, people are doing something I’m to lazy to do or don't want to do. I hate people that be like, “That their job.” Granted it, maybe it is their job but it also should be their job to treat you like shit for being you. I wish I had the opportunity, because that is what it is-an opportunity, to spit in somebody’s food or key his or her car for chumping me on a tip. I bet that shit feels real good. Let me ask yall this, should hookers be tipped for a job well done. I mean they are in service industry.

And why do people like Smallville? The show is stupid. I’ll tell you why I don’t like it. One, it’s a fucking soap opera. It’s like 90210 or Dawson’s Creek, it reeks of gayness. Secondly, they are fucking changing Superman’s history to meet their gaylike needs. This is on some geekynees but you got to be true to the comics. Fuck the TV audience if they are to stupid to read one line and look at the pretty pictures. Superman did not meet Lous Lane until he moved to Metropolis. Stop changing the history. Finally, Superman is a bitchass super hero anyway. The name Superman implies you are super. There is nothing super about that man. A real “super” man would whoop ass, this one doesn’t. Superman is always on brink of defeat before he comes back to win the fight. Triple H, The Rock, and the 1980's Hulk Hogan dominate more fights than he does. Shit Hulk Hogan body slammed Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania. Superman needs to get up on Hogan's level. A real “super” man has to be smart. Superman has never been that bright, he is constantly falling in to traps like a true dumb ass. A real “super” man would not be a pussy; he would beat up the pussy. Superman cannot even pull all the girls he wants. If he was a real super man there should be laws suits and criminal charges pressed against him by the millions of women crippled up in wheelchairs claiming he torn their back out. A real superman’s dick should be public enemy number 2, after Bin Laden of course, and illegal in 48 states. To tell the truth, I wouldn’t even want to be Superman; I'd be a better bad guy. And it’s too much pressure to live up to the Superman name. You have save people and shit. That’s to much pressure, plus I don’t even like most people. I’d have a Martin Lawrence/Dave Chappelle breakdown from all the pressure. Except, I wouldn’t go to Africa to clear my head up. No offense, but the Africa I see on TV is depressing. I’d go to the Philippines and stretch my dollar. I could get 10 pairs of Jordans, 3 whores that fuck for a buck and do something strange for some change, 2 mail order wives, and 3 months of the finest Cambodian breast milk all for 20 dollars. If you want a Black Friday deal, that’s what up.

Yall know, yall drove Dave Chappelle crazy, right. You people made him quit his show and I’m mad at yall for it. All of yall were on his nuts to hard. His body couldn’t take all the dick riders. The show was really funny but it wasn’t like it was the second coming of Christ. It wasn’t that serious. Imagine everywhere you go people are making the same lames ass jokes. He was probably wishing he never made the show. He had to leave the country just so he didn’t have to hear another motherfucker come up to him saying, “I’m Rick James, bitch!” We’re luck Dave didn’t kill somebody. Leave comedy to the professionals. And get over it, there are lots of funny shit out there, get over it. I love the Dave Chappelle Show, but wasn’t that serious. If you think that the Show was the best shit ever and is nothing better or will ever be, you need to be exposed to other shit. Also don’t tell anybody you think that way because you are a dick rider, a nut hugger, a sack lover, etc. And you need to stop your dick riding ways and keep that shit to yourself.

That’s it for now. Don’t forget to enter your email address on the right to subscribe and receive the new posts to your email. No junk mail or weak ass forwards will be sent to you, just my new posts, like the one I got lined up for next week. Also, check out the movies and what I'm listening to- it's the next best thing to the old Will Mixes. I will try to write regularly and add more videos when I can.

Your boy,
Will Wash

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