What I’m Listening To: 11-21-05

Will’s Mix – Click to Play. [27.3 MB]
This is the songs that I am listening to in my car. A new segment I will try to update regularly.

Make It Work For Ya - Juelz Santana feat. Young Jeezy and Lil Wayne
There It Go (The Whistle Song) - Juelz Santana
It's Like Clockwork - Juelz Santana
Welcome to New York City - Cam'ron and Jay-Z
In Ya Face (Remix) - Ebony Eyez feat. Trina
Get Crunk Music - Jim Jones Feat. Juelz Santana and Cam'ron
Hey Papi - Jay-Z feat. Memphis Bleek and Amil
Gotta Getcha - Jermaine Dupri
Kryptonite - Big Boi Feat. Purple Ribbons Allstars
Git It - Bun B feat. Ying Yang Twins
I Don't Know Officer - 50 Cent Feat. Lloyd Banks, Prodigy, Spider Loc, and Ma$e
Hustler's Ambition - 50 Cent
Window Shopper - 50 Cent

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A New Type of Slap

I heard the funniest thing; I’ma share it. First let me say I do not condone violence towards women nor do I condone disrespectful and dumb ass behavior. And I don’t think you should ever slap a man; you should just punch them in the face and fuck their face up. Anyway, as you know there is the “pimp slap” and there is the “bitch slap”. The “pimp slap” uses the back of the hand and it is reserved for females that get out of hand. While the “bitch slap” uses the front of the hand and it’s is reserved for sassing females with loose lips. Also it the slap commonly preferred by women for use. But what about the females that are not quite out of line but say something so dumb your like, “what the fuck?!” There is new slap for those situations. It’s called the “limp dick slap.” Next time some dumb chick says something like, “I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada” in a conversation. Stop everything, drop your drawls, wipe it out and give her a “limp dick slap” for saying something so stupid. I bet she never say something that stupid in front of you again.

Humbling Dream

I had of those awaking dreams this morning. A dream so crucial that it wakes you up before you want to wake up. Most of the time you forget them in an hour or try back to sleep and then end up forgetting it. But this morning, I wrote my dream down so I wouldn’t forget it. I don’t think they have like way of predicting the future or anything, but I do think they tell us more about ourselves and give us dormant creative ideas.

My dream was the most humbling. I dreamed my car got stripped. I remember I was in a movie theater. There was one guy from work sitting a seat way. In my whole dream there was only people from school and work. We were making jokes. We in a movie theater but we were watching a bad play. Bad as in not good. Then these guys move from the front of the theater to our row and now we had to sit besides each other. I was upset. Then the theater fills up with people from the lobby, like a event just ended. And they just started filing coming in. The place got rowdy and they end the play earlier. Then a fight breaks out in the theater between large groups of people. Everyone files out of the theater; I take the side exit and ends up outside the building. I lost the guy I knew from work, so I wander around looking for someone I know. I run into another guy from work and talk to him for a bit about who knows what and then I walk-on. I know I made at least one lap in a circle in some grassland then begin walking in town. And I run into some more guys from work and they were up to no good, being delinquents and shit. I don’t remember what they were doing but I remember being like “coming on guys…” that’s what I always when I see people doing delinquent shit like breaking or burning something. Anyway, following the crowd people, I that assume is from the event there was that let out, I make my way to a building’s backroom. I this back room is with people and some girls from work. There is music playing in there and we are dancing, I was behaving as if I had been drinking. I was way out of character. One by one people left the room until I was by myself. By then the place turned into a patio where I sat down waiting for one of the people that left and said that they would be back. I was looking at all the people walk past. People from school would stop through and ask me if I had seen somebody and I’d point them back where I came from. I sat there until I got tired of waiting and then the room turned into the back seat of my car parked in a ghetto ass hood. I move to the passenger’s seat. This ugly girl with a Caesar cut comes up to window and asks me a question. I answer it and point her on her way. She still stands around. I was like I got to go. I got out of my car to go in the back seat to get my keys off the floor. I was like, “why you still here?” She said I was going to have to come up off that, meaning my car. I was not about to get robbed, so I grabbed a metal stick like object from back seat and started poking her with to back her away. She kept coming. I started taping her in the head with it. Still she kept coming forward. Then I started hitting her with the joint in the head with a little more force, I wasn’t punishing her like I should of. Now, her face was bleeding and she backing away. Get her away from my car and the police show up. I’m like “She tried to jack me.” The officer’s like that coming around here, they take the cars for parts and that must have been humbling for you. He pointed to an extra clip she had concealed in the passenger seat visor that she would have gotten to, and said I was luck because if she would have gotten in my car she could have shot me. Which makes no sense now but in dream world everything makes sense. I was like, “oh for real,” I was relieved. Anyway, I turn to my car and the whole front end is gone. Everything up to the front door is missing. I was like what the fuck. Then the front end shows up and my wheels are missing. I was like how the fuck. Then I appear in Russell Simmons’s house. I walk down the hallway past Russell’s room and then past his closet, looking at the suits. I walk past Kimora’s walking closet and I see it’s in front of her bathroom. As I walk past I hear the shower stop. She steps out in towel talking about “this season’s fashions includes…” some nonsense and something about thongs. That catches my attention and I turn to see. She put on a bra and panties. I remember thinking I thought her breasts were bigger but damn she got a nice body. Then I walked on and I was in the studio with G-Unit and Kimora Lee on a reality show. I was telling them about the jacking and humbleness. So 50 starts singing something something humble, dun da dunt dunt humble. I couldn’t understand the words but it rocked. And they start rapping on it. I was like 50, I got to be on this track. I know I can’t rap but I got be on this track. He was like ok. So I start free styling. I say, I remember it because messed up and that’s what woke me up, me fucking up and I wrote it down. [Click to Play]
First I sung the hook:
Niggas got to be humble,
this world a fuckin jungle,
so be ready for the struggle,
that’s why you got be humble.

Then I rap:
a fo five will make shit get real real quick,
a 9mil will make the healthy real real sick,
you know me I ain’t about no bull shit,
force me boy and I will empty this clip,
we got G-Unit and Will Wash up in this bitch.

Then I fucked up and couldn’t say shit and woke up. Good thing I keep pen and paper by my bed. You should see my notes. I was writing sideways while lying down with one eye open, because the other one was a victim to morning crust. Fucking dreams. I wonder if the shit is worth anything, other than humbling me. I thought I was already a humble person.

Yesterday, I was talking about dancing with the stars and I was singing the Tony Yayo, 50 cent joint cuz that’s my new theme song. Plus I had class and worked yesterday and I said I would go down to Adams Morgan this weekend, so I kind of see some the references. But does it have meaning? I don’t know. Just wanted to share it. Sorry it’s not funny I don’t dream in funny. Come to think about it, I don’t think I have ever had a funny dream.

Dave Chappelle

Ok this shit is pissing me off. I do not look like fucking Dave Chappelle. Do you really wanna see how cold I can get? Just because we are both black with a mustache and big lips do not mean we look alike. All black people do not look alike.

What about these people.

Nook Logan for Detroit Tigers:

Arsenal's Theirry Henry:

Some Random Dude :

Young Dave Chappelle:


None of these people look like me.

Learn to tell the difference between black people motherfuckers!
I DO NOT look like fuckin' Dave Chappelle.
I look like my momma, so suck my dick you blind ass bitches!

I Was Dancing With The Stars

Click to Play.

Get Rich Or Die Trying

Ok, movie review time. I just seen 50 cent’s “Get Rich or Die Trying” and I must say I was pleasantly surprised. I’m not a big fan of the “rapper movies” but there some ones out that I like. “8 Mile” and “Hustle and Flow” were good. “Get Rich or Die Trying” is not as good as either one of those but it was entertaining. I’m not going to tell whether the movie was worth seeing or not, because it is all on you. But, I will tell you what I dislike about and what to watch for. And I will try not to give away the movie.

Joy Bryant was hot in the movie; she shined. Adebisi was too funny. I call him, Adebisi because that’s how I know him for the OZ show, but his real name is Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje. He’s the black nigga that’s been in everything from “the Mummy Return” to the TV show “Lost.”

What funny to watch for:
Adebisi 90’s see through muscle shirt. That nigga wears the same outfit for every scene no matter the time frame, 80’s or 90’s, until the end.

50’s Jamaican friend. Every line that nigga says is funny. Check out what and how he says it when he gets shot. “For Really.”

50’s acting. Enough said. Nah, but check out the facial expressions for each mood. There was the sad face, the happy face, the confused face, and the best ever, the blank look. Check out the look 50 gives when old dude tells him that he fucked his moms. One disturbing thing is the way 50’s jaw doesn’t move when he talks. He talk through his teeth and it urked me.

The kid 50. That kid really shined. He could act his ass off. That kid looked and emulated all of 50’s mannerism to a tee. He was the best part of the movie except Joy Bryant.

Hated about it:
It was not an inspiring movie at all. I think it promotes and encourages the unlikely. It’s not for the weak minded or kids. Being a gangster is not a fun choice and selling drugs is not a viable occupation. Why would you show people how to cook crack? Or make drug dealing, murdering gangster the only good role models in the movie.

The prison scene was too much. Male nudity is not good. There was more male nudity than female nudity in the movie and that’s not cool.

All in all, I liked it because I could find something enjoyable in it.

My Response to the an Bathroom Experience Email

I just wish you didn't mess up my delightfully ignorant belief that when girls go in to the bathroom together all they do is fix their hair and make up and have cute conversation about if one's butt looks big or how the boobs are looking that day. And then which all naturally leads into some hot lesbian action. I guess there is a possibility that I *might* be wrong (it happens about once or twice a year). But that's what happens when one's insight on the secret female world is derived from Playboy Magazine's Dear Abby letters. First let me say the bubble guts waits for no one. You can't control it. I'm sure she had no choice but to let that fart go. If she possesses any amount of shame or humility she might have tried to “booty squeeze” it to muffle it so it didn't make any noise, but obviously that failed. As a coworker in room, meaning you will see her ass again (no pun indented), you should make light of it and hope she wipes good and washes her hands. When I was in the bathroom during such times, I have been known to say things like “what, bad Chinese food?” and “Taco Bell for lunch, huh?” or “goddamn! I think I'll come back later.” They work well for me. It makes them feel better because I know they are embarrassed and the bubble guts does not discriminate, that shit can happen to anyone (again no pun intended). Oh and also never speak of it again outside the bathroom. Don't be the person talking about other people in the bathroom shitting, it is childish unless you are warning others about the ungodly odors that their ass is capable of. Honestly, I don't know why you expected an excuse me. If you hadn't notice there is serious moral decline when it comes to bathroom ethics. There should be very little talking in the bathroom when there is someone in the stall giving birth to the devil's brown (or green, depends on what you eat-white people) slop babies. That's the type of shit that involves moaning and grunting along with heavy breathing(pun indented this time). And dudes standing at the urinal directly besides- No talking or looking over please. Personal space violation. But people are in constant violation. What about the about the nasty sonsofbitches that don't wash their hands. I can see their ass now licking fingers after eating something. How about the guys with no aim that piss on the everything and leave puddles on the bathroom floor you got to step over. Or the motherfuckers (for lack of better words), that shit in broken toilets and leave the floaters to contaminate the entire bathroom. The best thing you can ask for now a day is a courtesy flush to help fight the odor. Check the mens room in a club with out the bathroom dude watching it. Nothing is like being in the bathroom in someone done funk'd up the joint. It'll have your real face tight. Face all squinted up, not believing, thinking how in the hell could someone produce a unnatural odor like that in a public bathroom, what did you eat, you selfish, inconsiderate bastard. You'll leave the joint sniffing your shirt, hoping, that the odor is not sticking to your clothes. And you praying, no one follows you in to the bathroom and thinks that it was you that produce that biological weapon in the toilet. But you know what's funny and is a big violation, next time someone in there taking a crucial dump, knock on the stall door and ask them if they are ok and do they want you to go get help because their ass smells like it dying.

Don't forget to wash your hands,
Will Wash

Who Cares What GW Has To Say

A Cult Classic

It been a while since I’ve sent a mass email. This time it is serious, a serious fanboy email that is. One of my new favorite movies is Napoleon Dynamite. By now, everyone should have seen it. If not go see it. It is now a fairly old movie, but I taken a notice to things. When I quote stuff from the movies some individuals get it and some don’t. So I feel the need to express my understanding about why others like or dislike the movie. People are polarized by this movie. Rarely do you come across such a hit or miss movie. Either you love it or hate it. And I love it. When Deb said she trying to earn money for college and Kip eavesdropping from the other room said, “your mom goes to college”, I fell out of my sit laughing. Because it was fucking funny. Every time I watch the movie, I laugh from beginning to end. Everytime that bamma said “Yesssss” or “Sweet” I laugh cause that shit is too funny and highly quotable. How can you find his serious current event article about the loch ness monster and wizards who try to save Nessie from the Japanese scientist not funny? I will stop whatever I’m doing to stop and watch it, because I find something new in it every time. Like did you notice, Uncle Rico checking out his guns when him and Kip were in the diner planning to make some sweet moolah selling shit? It is easy to see why it was the biggest hit at Sundance. This movie is so damn funny. At least to me.

Through research and study, I have figured out the difference between the lovers and the haters. Napoleon Dynamite is not a traditional comedy and that is why some people don’t like or don’t understand it. To like it requires a, dare I say it, a sense of humor. It’s a unique brand of humor; some people cannot get it right off the bat. They need help. These people generally prefer fart jokes and slap stick. They only see the obvious and they just miss shit. There have been at least half a dozen people whose opinion on the movie I’ve changed just by saying to notice certain shit. Instantly the movie became funny. This movie got an instant cult following at Sundance because it is that damn good. Read the reviews. Napoleon Dynamite has produced some of the best quotes and “sweet” impressions since the Austin Powers series. Except for the Dave Chappelle Show of course, because we know he still has the best quotes, bitch. “Tina! Come get some ham!” or “there’s like a butt load of gangs at this school. This one gang wanted me to join cause I’m pretty good with the bow staff.” That shit is funny. If you didn’t get it when you saw it, then ask me in private so you don’t feel embarrassed and I’ll explain. Better yet I’ll watch it with you and tell you when and why to laugh.

You know the movie is the truth when you start seeing people on the street with a “Vote for Pedro” t-shirt. Now I want one. And when you get MasterCard priceless emails about Uncle Rico ability to throw the football a quarter mile and him winning state back ‘82. The movie is a classic I tell you. Without this movie, who would have known that girls only want boyfriends with skills; like nunchaku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. What movie stars a high school guy who draws “ligers” (half lion, half tigers, breed for special powers of magic) and rides the school bus to school with the 6th graders after spending the summer hunting wolverines (with a 12 gauge, of course) that were trying to kill his cousins? Or a movie with a Mexican, who bakes his ladies a cake and wears a wig of a medieval warrior, after takes his sledgehammer bike off sweet jumps in the front yard? Not Harold and Kumar(with six O’s and three U’s). Come on let us all laugh at Kip (who thinks gold bracelets make you look official) sitting at home chatting with babes all day and training to be a cage fighter while making he’s best move be a slow ass leg sweep. Plus Kip hooks up with the big booty black girl off the Internet. How can you not love that?

Just type Napoleon Dynamite into google and check out the fan soundboards and t-shirts. And then start to realize, if you don’t think the movie was any good then there may be something wrong with you.

Signing off,
Will Wash
“You going to eat your tots?”

Big Cuz Got Slumped

Click to Play.

This is part of what I recorded friday night out at Howard Homecoming. It was big fight between DC and the out of towners. Like dude says, "When you come to DC you get it like that." Now watch Big Cuz get slumped.

State of the William Address Part II (almost 6 months later)

Greetings, my people. Let me start by saying, “Lord, please forgive me for how I may say it but my heart is still good.” Due to a popular response, and I think people might actually care; I am back with the State of the William Address. The state of the William is tired. Times are tough but we must stay the course. The war on terror is going to be tough, re-elect me we must stay the course. Oh shit, I thought I was Bush for a second. People go out and vote. The shit is not a game this year. Get the dumbass out of the white house. After 7 months the 3rd DVD release is done. After much advancement and several editing redoes, it is nothing like the first 2. It is over an hour long and has a lot of special features. It is the most technically sound one to date and Chalmer is using his high tech computer setup to make labels, I’m boosted about that. However, almost all of you motherfuckers will never get to see it. Why?! Don’t be shocked. As always, it is because of the content on it. On this disc, I am mostly making fun of myself (I wasn’t really scared. I was acting). This shows the extent of my sense of humor; I can take jokes a well as I give them.

As I said earlier, the state of the William is tired. I am tired. Physically tired, a nigga has been getting no rest. The “surrender me now” isn’t working. I got shit bottled up. So little things get me pissed. Motherfuckers tend to think it’s funny when I get pissed but it don’t be funny any more when they are on the receiving end of my pissnessity. I’m tired of censoring shit on my DVD releases; cause someone might get their fucking feelings hurt. I’m tired of having to watch what I say. I’m Will Wash bitches, that’s what I do, I make people cry. The people that knew me way back know the Will you know now is nothing like the Will from the late 90’s. I haven’t had beef with anybody in years and that’s cool, great even, but I’m tired of being extra careful about what I can say. If you can’t take a joke then get the fuck out my face.

Also I’m tired of the devil fucking with me in my sleep. In dreams, I be chillin in white tee. Not a throwback cause I be looking clean in my white tee. And I see the devil looking at me. That shit fucked me up. On the real, I think that nigga was hating on my white tee. So I was like, “What the fuck you looking at?” Yall know how I do it. “Why YOU in MY face?” But get this, why that bitch say, “Who put that monkey in a T-shirt?” Ain’t that a bitch? Can you believe that shit? The fucking devil had jokes. A crucial one at that. And the worst part, the shit that got to me, is he said some shit I would say. Damnit, I’m tired of getting fucking harassed by the devil in my sleep. Why don’t that nigga take his gay ass on and steal some souls and shit. Or go give George Bush another bright idea.

I’m tired of there being no limit on ignorance in America. I’m with you, Meraf. Fuck undecided voters. Dumbass, no thought process having bitches. Why I seen this motherfucking black ass nigga get on TV news talking about A-rabs and shit. It hurt my heart. That shit is ignorant. How hard is it to pronounce arabs, motherfucker. Making black people look bad.

Like I said I’m pissed. Why do I feel like I can’t say shit when I see shit? I felt like I couldn’t say anything when I saw this 19 year old girl sitting there sucking her thumb. Think about it. I know we all thinking the same damn thing. This bitch suck dick. Come on, any women stilling sucking her thumb over the age of 13 is or will be a dicksucker. She will need a cure for the oral fixation. I wanted to say something so bad when I saw it. And I wanna say something to all these niggas standing around with their mouth open, especially motherfuckers with braces. People, scratch that, Niggas/Black people need to start breathing through their noses. Stand there with your mouth open makes you look REAL primitive. Like using 2 hands to drink out of a glass. God gave you a nose so you wouldn’t be standing there looking stupid with your mouth open. And it will help with that bad breath problem (and it’s not just the braces people). I got to start telling motherfuckers about their breath that shit is Iraqi style torture. Women need to take that natural hair shit back to Africa. That pokemon bush hair cut ain’t cutting it. I know some of yall are mad but that shit must be said. Niggas don’t need S-curls and perms. Bitches don’t need bushes and fades. Lets keep the line between the sexes. Be mad, come at me if you want. I did go to a BLACK school. I got crooked bush and shape up jokes for weeks. And the federal government needs to classify Nextel subscribers as a cult. Trying to talk to them about services is like trying to talk to a Mormon or Jehovah witness. No hope of change and they be recruiting. How can you be black and not like big lips?

Why do motherfuckers think Jadakiss is deep after one song? Why? They are the same motherfuckers that like that dumbass movie Belly. He really ain’t say shit. Why? Why is it everyone else’s verses on the remix deeper than his? Why? Why do all niggas look the same? Why is it that all niggas do is wear jerseys and wife beaters? Why do Chalmer thinks his bootleg movies from Blockbuster are official? Why? Why do motherfuckers wait til they’re old and shit to start smoking? Why do heads think the government made weed illegal cuz “they be hatin”? Why do people think G-Unit is cool? Why is them niggas named after a ape? Why would anybody buy their shoes? Why don’t they niggas just go solo so I can like them (except for banks)? Why is that R&B boy Lloyd the gayest nigga on the radio? Why? Why hasn’t everyone seen Fahrenheit 911 or the Passion? Why the fuck would you bootleg the Passion of Christ? Why hasn’t Luan learned how to work the camcorder yet? Why is it necessary to be all up in my face? Why? Why don’t motherfuckers think it’s a little gay to be running a G? Why do they feel comfortable with so many dicks out in the same room? Why do Tuan and Burke stay in adventures? Why hasn’t Meraf been on the Real World yet? Why hasn’t she let me record her audition tape? Why? Why do we have to wait till half of Latisha and Damelia friends leave till we have fun? Why do people get scared to speak when I come around? Why did Tressa call me a crazy nigga? Why? Cuz I wanna know.

Signing off until next time,
Your boy Will Wash.

Don't mind the anger, I'm always like that.

Best Kept Secrets:
The City of God DVD
Akon CD
HBO’s The WireCheck them out.