The Legend of Will Wash

This is the story of a beef that even God could not squash
This is the legend of your boy, Will Wash
The baddest motherfucker on any block
I can remember the day he was born like a face on a clock
The devil was on vacation down in DC
He heard of a good spot where he could get some crack for free
While in town he heard a great story
About a bad ass little nigga and all his glory
He was bad and it was clear as glass
On the day he was dropped from his Mammy's ass,
Will Wash slapped his Pappy's in the face
And said, "From now on, cocksucker, I'm running this place"
At the age of one he was drinking whiskey and gin
At the age of two he was eating the bottles that it came in
He more soul in his stroll,
And more slide in his glide
Already he was proclaimed as the baddest man alive
The devil was king of all haters
He thought he should take the little nigga out, more sooner than later
The devil walked into town,
Looking to get down
He found Will’s daddy with his head held low
The devil said, “What wrong with you, Joe?”
Joe said his wife presented him with two bad ass baby boys
Joe told her, “Honey, you know we only need one set of toys
Pick out the nicest one; the other one is getting the river
I don’t need a bad ass nigga”
And that is how Will Wash learned to swim
Just like the sun rises, Will came back to get at him
He said it was one hell of a fight
Joe said he even fought dirty and tried to bite
He told the devil that he’s blown when almost lost his life
When baby Will cut him low with a knife
Now he couldn’t have kids anymore
Baby Will’s first words, “Now get some balls you whore!”
I know your thinking oh my gosh
But this is the legend of your boy Will Wash

Devil saw how he treated his own pa
He said, "Let me go check this little bad nigga before he goes too far"
He has to see for himself this monster of man
But first he needed a plan
He called up Jesus to see if he had his back
But Jesus told him that has babysitted Will before and ran out of cheeks to attack
Afraid of losing his rep down in hell
Where he was the baddest man in the ville
He called God up for a little advice
God said, “I suggest you talk to him real nice
Dee, don’t get me wrong; in a fight, I hope you win it
Cause he is killing motherfuckers every fifteen minutes
He’s a bad motherfucker that calms the raging sea
The waters parted faster for him than it did for me
He had a fight with a battleship out on the sea
Mr. Shark was the time keeper and Brother Whale the referee
I never seen a fight end so quick
He torpedoed the boat with the head of his dick
He shot dice with Pac and played cards with Big
If they both had cash, then they still could of lived
He went up to the Whitehouse and kicked Reagan in the ass
And told the AIDS spreading, guns dealing, crack pushing President to kiss his black ass
He went up to Alaska when it was 20 below
Dropped his drawls and melted the fucking snow
He a hot motherfucker, can’t you see
I turn my head, because Will Wash is a man even I don’t wanna see”
It’s old school rhyme like OshKosh B’Gosh
This is the legend of your boy Will Wash

Now with his pride on the line
And a trick on the mind
The devil drew a line in the sand
And instead of called your boy Will out just like a man
The devil took the role of a bitch,
He dressed up like Larry, the snitch
So with an evil plan to keep
The devil stuck out his leg so Will would stepped on his feet
The devil said, "Motherfucker, can't you see?
Why, you stepping on my goddamn feet!"
Will responds, "I ain't heard a word you said"
"If you say it one more time I'll be stepping on your motherfucking head!"
The devil played sorry and this is what he said,
“Please don’t hit me, Mr. Will Wash, I’m not ready for bed”
So he ran up on Will Wash later that day
He said, "Oh Mr Will Wash, there's a big, bad motherfucker coming your way
And when you meet, it's gonna be a goddamn sin,
And wherever you meet some ass is bound to bend
Also he's somebody that you do not know,
He just broke loose and he’s ready to show"
Will, he talked about your people in a helluva way!
He talked about your people till my hair turned gray!
He said your daddy's a fag and your momma's a whore
Said he spotted you running through the hood selling your asshole from door to door!
Said your sister did the dirtiest trick
She got down so low and sucked an earthworm's dick
Said he spotted your niece behind the tree,
Screwing motherfuckers for a dollar over free!
He said he saw your aunt sitting on the picket fence
Giving a goddamn gorilla a french
Then he talked about your sister and your momma too,
Then he starts talking about how good your grandma screw
He said your sister's a prostitute and your brother's a punk,
And said I'll be damned if you don't eat all the pussy you see every time you get drunk!
He said he teabag your uncle and fucked your aunty and niece,
And next time he see your grandma he going to get him another good piece
Also your brother died with the AIDS and your uncle died with the dick mumps
And your old grandma never looked pretty with a face full of lumps
And you know you little sister that you love so dear
He said he fucked her all day for a bottle of beer
So, Will Wash, you know that ain't right
Whenever you meet Leroy Brown be ready to fight"
So Will jumped up in a helluva rage!
Like a young knockout king full of gage
Now the devil was talking about Leroy Brown
He was the baddest man in the whole damn town
Badder than a-old King Kong
And meaner than a junkyard dog
Now Leroy he a gambler and he like his fancy clothes
And he liked to wear his diamond rings in front of everybody's nose
Will went through the town knocking down trees,
Kicking long neck bitches to their knees
The he ran up on the Leroy talking to a dime
He said, "All right you big, bad motherfucker It's gonna be your ass or mine"
The Leroy looked at him out of the corner of his eyes
He said, "Alright go ahead home, you little match stick motherfucker and pick on somebody your own size”
Will Wash jumped up and made a pass
Leroy side-stepped him and kicked him square in his ass
Will then busted up his jaw, fucked up his face
Broke both his legs, snatched his ass out of place
Will then picked him up, slammed him to the tree
Nothing but Leroy’s shit as far as you could see
He crushed his nuts, rolled ‘em in the sand
And kicked his ass like a natural man!
They fought all night and all the next day
Somehow the Leroy managed to get away
Later on, the devil looked at Will and said, "Goddamn ole partner, you don't look so swell
Look like to me you caught a whole lotta hell
Your eyes is all red and your asshole is a little blue,
I knew from the beginning there wasn't shit to you
There's one thing you and me got to get straight
Cause your one ugly cocksucker that I sure do hate!
I pimped Eve, tutored George W Bush, and made AOL’s ‘you got mail’
I’m the Devil, The High Sheriff of Hell”
Will Wash had enough of this shit
He said, “You long faced, cockeyed son of a bitch
Your weak ass setup did not work
Ask your boy Leroy how I put in that hurt
Maybe he didn’t say all those things about my peeps
But now he won’t even look cross at them even in his sleep
Look motherfucker, ain't you a bitch!
Your face look like you got that crotch itch!
And don't try to plead over here with your sucka ass case
Cause I'll piss in your motherfucking face!
Back in hell the pain will pass
But I have to send you there first by kicking your ass"
When Will was done with the devil, his ass turn from red to green
Will Wash is the baddest motherfucker the world has ever seen


 I hoped you like it. Shout out to Dolemite. Before there was rap there was Dolemite.

Hip Hop Talk

I had the opportunity to discuss a little bit of hip-hop with two friends of mine on the forefront of hip-hop music. Mimi, my favorite Satellite radio personality, and D.Moon of the Soundprophets let me pick their brains on some easy hip-hop topics.

Will Wash: Lets talk hip hop. What type of music do you play?

D.Moon: All hip-hop from the backpacker brand, to the heavy hitters.

Mimi: That gangsta shit



WW: What name do you like to go by?


D: D.Moon

M: Mimi aka The Dopest Ethiopia


WW: What are the hot songs out right now?

M: I'm in love with a stripper by gangsta r&b T-Painful to look at & Mike Jones. Sike..........Mobb Deep singles off there forthcoming album Blood MONEY.....hottest rap joint of 2006 u heard it here first.

D: Ghostface “Fishscale”, Anything off that Jay-Dee Donuts album


WW: Which artist is making the most noise?

D: Noise, what noise….(yawn)

M: TI, more recently Young Jacq? New bad boy south dude


WW: Who are you dying to hear something from?

D: The Fugees, Gnarls Barkley (Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse)

M: Tupac......sike, double sike. Ummmm Mobb Deep, Fugees, NAS, Jay Z, Beanie Sigel


WW: Who are you tired of?

D: G-Unot

M: Hearing myself on-air. sike ummmmmm I agree with DMoon...... all these new one hit wonders claiming to be the next best thing. They all wack to me.......D4L?Ying Yang?


WW: Who are the top up and coming artists right now, in your eyes?

M: Hmmmmm Ne-Yo lol. Sike Nick Cannon SIKE AGAIN 4 REAL. Prally Juelz Santana.........I see longevity with this dude. Track 11 or 12 off his last joint....story telling joint bout JOSE. BANGER. I had to bring it back like 3times to follow the song & shit. I likes Juelz

D: Those young Soundprophets


WW: I know you like beefs just like me. Which ones are your favorites write now?

D: Beef is for dinner

M: All time greatest beef joint starts a lil something like this......."First off fuck yo bitch and the click u claim" Tupac-vs-Biggie HIT EM UP. Honorable mention to Jay Z-vs-Nas "Ether" rings a bell and lets not forget the Jada-vs-Sigel joint........those were real beef songs. Now we have beef songs coming from motha fuckin Christina Milian......spare me the bullshit


WW: Lets get serious. Tupac or Biggie? You must pick one.

D: Biggie

M: Easy: TUPAC AMARU SHAKUR.........EARLY


WW: Do you think the DC area leans more to Biggie or Pac?

D: Definitely Pac

M: PAC-4-LIFE


WW: Do rappers acting in mainstream movies hurt their street cred?

D: Not at all

M: It ain't hurt 50 & Eminem......and its definetly not gonna hurt fine ass TI.....w/ or w/o roller skates on he sexy w/ his gangstaness


WW: What’s up with new ATL dances? You feeling them?

M: Lean wit it rock with it.....I practice this joint, and I believe I'm a pretty skilled dancer, but there is a certain pop I'm not gettin when I'm rockin with it. I can lean back with it but its the rock twist I can't get during side transition. My sister Betty got that joint down pack......got that on video. Anyhow to answer the question I'd feel them if there wasn't a new one coming out every week. I'm still tryin to get over B's check on it joint ......

D: That shit is new??? I’ve been snapping my fingers since I was toddler. Its fun though. (lean wit it….)


WW: On a scale of retardedness what would you rate Dem Franchise Boyz and D4L beef over the dance?

D: So called “thugs” beefing over who started a dance = a gay porn movie plot

M: One word: Fudgepackers
Confession: I like all there dance songs. lol there I said it..........


WW: How big is 36 Mafia winning an Oscar?

D: That just showed how much Hollywood loves watching/playing the “Minstrel Show”, all we are are pimps, ho’s, bad cops, and drug dealers

M: Major especially cuz that was my 1st EVER HIP HOP INTERVIEW. Mucho props to them. But I agree with DMoon the crackers know how to exploit ignorance to they advantage.


WW: And did they deserve it?

M: Sure they deserved. The movie and song showed the long & hard process of writing lyrics, to getting a beat and managin your bars & choros. Shit was especially bangin in the theatres. Not better than Get Rich or Die Trying blowin the speakers out off the break with I WHOOP YOUR HEAD BOYYYYYYYYY. I play that in the mornigns to wake me up. So kudos to Three 6 better them than Brokeback.

D: It was better than that pathetic song from ‘Crash’, but Dolly Parton sure got some big ol titties


WW: Jeezy or T.I.? pick only one.

D: Jeezy

M: Easy: TI hands down and thats not biased cuz I want to sexually molest him but becuase I been into that trap music for quite some time.


WW: Who the best and who the hottest rapper out the ATL right now?

D: T.I.

M: TI


WW: Who the best and who the hottest rapper out the H-Town right now?

D: Scarface will always be the best outta Houston.

M: Scarface all day. FACE MOB. That never snitch song w/ B.Sigel off My Homies pt.2 is sicko


WW: How about them Dipset boys? Are they going to do damage on there own?

M: Camron is ruining the Dipset image by being pressed. But I must say I've loved Killa Cam since the horse & carriage days. I used to think Dip Set was wack, like they was trying to hard. But I really like them now after "Certified Gangstas" came out I started to take there comical lyrics seriously, as in I seriously started laughing. Killa Cam always been comical. He got this part on Juelz Shottas song that will make u piss your pants. Something bout "coco bread yes I'm a loco head" and he throws in "zoom zoom pum pum" somewhere also LOLOL. In regards to Dip Set I respect them and there movement. Used to think JIm Jones looked like a chester molestor but he is a certified business man. I like JR Rider waitin on his shit to drop. Hell Rell is cool, nice on the mic but harsh on the eyez. You seen the JJ Evans immitating the infamous Shawn Carter in the Camron video? How he gonna wear the $.50 shenclettas from Kmart?

D: They’ll be fine


WW: Can Dipset hang with G-unit? Hmmmmmmmm good question.

D: Sales = no…. Talent = they are close to being better already.

M: Cam can't handle 50's leadership and 50 can't handle Cam being a leader as well. Its like one or the other. Can't have two kings.......


WW: Who should I be listening to from the West Coast?

D: Murs

M: BAY AREA. Sike I like The GAME. Look out for DRE 2006


WW: Is this Bay Area movement real or a fad like STL one a couple years ago?

M: Prally a fad. Just got back from the BAY. I was in San Diego last weekend. Gorgeous ova there, friendly people, one black person, and extremely boring and conservative. Wait is San Diego Bay area?

D: What about the Chicago sound, niggas be frontin on us


WW: Is ghost riding the whip cool or what?

D: This guy is still doing it hasn’t missed a beat

M: Ummm I don't understand the question......I do know FISHCALE out in stores soon........


WW: Lil’ Jon or Manny Fresh? Pick only one.

D: Manny

M: Fresh Fresh FFFFFFresh. Mannie Fresh & all his finger movements while rapping. I like how he shouted out Ethiopians.....


WW: Really how good is Kanye West? Is he hip-hop’s messiah?

M: He ain't no messiah but the kid has mad talent. I like him when he not up his own ass and just making feel good music. I must say his last video is the shit w/ Nia Motha Fuckin Long.

D: Highly slept on. When’s the last time you heard something as original as Kanye’s last 2 albums


WW: How do you feel about Jay-Z biting so many other rappers lines?

M: I dont' feel. He's the greatest rapper alive so he can do what he wants. Bite Deez

D: Everybody and their sister are rappers these days, how can you fault someone for using the same line. Shit 90% of all rap is recycled (beats, themes, and rhymes)


WW: Put me on to the next big thing. Song or Artist.

M: NE-YO lol seriously I love Ne-Yo's debut album........EARLY. Also look out for Ja Rule come back.......sike a boo boo................If JR Rider would come out he'd make a soundscan movement......

D: The Soundprophets


WW: On a personal note, do you remember the Ethiopian rap I did over Mimi’s phone back at College Park? Was I a bamma or what?

D: I do remember the Ethiopia rap. HAHAHAA!!! Hilarious… I still got love for Ethiopia, though.

M: I don't remember the voicemail message, however I'm sure there were plenty of ignorant joints coming from ya'll dorm room. Does persian carpet ring a bell? LOL. Anyways I do remember the Starvin Ethiopian poem on my and I'm embarrassed to admit this "blackplanet page". Can't believe I was a member of that gayfest. Anyhow it was hilarious, but again everything u do is funny!!!! Ya'll put me on to Starvin Marvin & South Park if that helps.......


WW: Thanks for talking with me. We have to do this again.

M: That was fun Will, thanx!
RIP: Proof from D12.....

D: No doubt, my nigga

This week's Playlist

What I’m Listening To: 4-13-06

Will’s Mix – Click to Play. [90.4 MB] Playlist: What You Know About Dat - FreeWay I Never Testified - FreeWay Testify (G-Unit Diss) - The Game feat. Techniec & Charli Baltimore I Never Snitch (Remix) - Scarface Feat. Beanie Sigel & The Game Bounce Back (Irv Gotti Diss) - Charli Baltimore Shottas - Juelz Santana feat. Sizzla & Cam'ron Gangsta Shit - Juelz Santana Lil Boy Fresh - Juelz Santana I Got A Story To Tell - The Notorious B.I.G. Three Bricks - Ghostface Killah Feat. The Notorious B.I.G. & Raekwon 9 Milli Bros - Ghostface Killah Feat Wu-Tang Clan Reunited - Wu-Tang Clan Gravel Pit - Wu-Tang Clan The Champ - Ghostface Killah Back Like That - Ghostface Killah feat. Ne-Yo Get Down Like That (Remix) - Ne-Yo feat. Ghostface So Sick (Remix) - Ne-Yo feat. LL Cool J So High - Jagged Edge Dance For Me - Daron Jones (of 112) feat. D4L Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It - Dem Franchize Boyz Betcha Can't Do It Like Me - D4L Check My Foot Work - D4L The Body Rock - Purple Ribbon All-Stars Snap Ya Fingaz - Lil Jon feat. E-40 Lil Daddy (Remix) - Chopper (aka Young City) feat. Lil Wayne & Jody Breeze You Know Who I Be - Jody Breeze Fast Forward - Jody Breeze feat. Freeway Stackin Paper - Jody Breeze feat. Slim Thug Take It Outside - Jody Breeze feat. Lil Jon & Pastor Troy I'm A G - Young Jeezy feat. Jody Breeze AK's and Chevrolets - Jody Breeze feat. Sean Paul & Trick Daddy Believe Me - Fort Minor Bossy - Kelis feat. Too Short Gettin Some Head - Shawna Control Myself - LL Cool J feat. JLo S.O.S. (Rescue Me) - Rihanna Crazy - Gnarls Barkley Ms. New Booty - Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins & Mr. Collipark Oye Mi Canto (Remix) - N.O.R.E. Feat. Daddy Yankee, Nina Sky, Gemstar & Mato Rompe (Remix) - Daddy Yankee Tempted To Touch (remix) - Rupee feat. Daddy Yankee Rompe (Remix) - Daddy Yankee feat. Lloyd Banks and Young Buck We Want In - Saigon feat. Ali Vegas Runnin away - Sleepy Brown feat. Big Boi & Killer Mike Past Music They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 4-3-06 They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 11-28-05 They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 11-21-05 Attention iTunes Users This blog is setup as a podcast meaning you can have new music and videos automatically downloaded to your iTunes software as they come out with a one time set up. Just click on the xml button: on the right and then click on the "Subscribe with Yahoo! Music Engine/iTunes" button. Open the downloaded file. It is an iTunes file and it will add this site to your podcast directory.

I got a MySpace Page Now

I fought it long enough, I finally created a MySpace page. I had to get one in order to get full access to some music info. The addess is http://www1.myspace.com/willwash. Also, any girls still in high school don't even look at my page. I don't want no trouble.

Enter the Priest

Game review time. As many of you know I have had a lot of free time recently. Well let me tell you about a game I stumbled upon. It’s called The Movies. I love it. It is like the Sims and SimCity but with making movies. You run a Movie Studio. You have to hire actors, crew, directors, and writers. You create movies with these sim people to make money and classics. You start in the early history of TV and go into the 2000’s. I was engrossed in the game. I was making hits early in my studio’s history and then we went broke and couldn't buy a hit. Then in the late 80’s I hired a young up and coming actor that shared my father’s name, Henry Washington. He changed the game. I present the movie that launched his career and changed my studio around - from the bottom to the top. We were back at the Oscar's.

Enter the Priest is a fascinating example of the blaxploitation cinema that flourished in the early 1970s. A true street disciple, Priest Jackson cleans up the street one scum at a time while still pleasing the community.

QuickTime version [12.1 MB]

Windows Media version [4.7 MB]

National Champions

They did it. Damn, do we love rioting in College Park. National Champions! This is the first time the University of Maryland Women’s Basketball team won the National Championship. And they won it in good fashion too. It was more exciting than the Men’s National Championship game. After being down by ten at the half Maryland stormed back and forced an overtime, when Freshmen Kristi Toliver clutch 3 pointer. Her veins pump ice water. She’s a star in College Park tonight. Once in overtime, the Terps fought, scratched, and clawed their way to a National Championship. We are all proud of them. And what made the win even sweeter was that it was on the school that every Maryland fans loves to hate, Duke.

Coaches
Brenda Frese - Head Coach
Jeff Walz - Assistant Coach
Erica Floyd - Assistant Coach
Joanna Bernabei - Assistant Coach
Mark Pearson - Director of Basketball Operations

Players
Charmaine Carr
Marissa Coleman
Shay Doron
Kalika France
Laura Harper
Crystal Langhorne
Christie Marrone
Ashleigh Newman
Aurelie Noirez
Jade Perry
Angel Ross
Kristi Toliver
Sa'de Wiley-Gatewood






Check out the Maryland Site

What I’m Listening To: 4-3-06

Will’s Mix – Click to Play. [42 MB] Playlist: Who's Gonna Ride (Nick Cannon Diss) - Christina Milian feat. 36 Mafia I'm N Luv Wit A Stripper pt. 2 - T-Pain feat. R.Kelly, Twista, Paul Wall, Pimp C, MJG, Too Short, and Akon Gimme That( Mannie Fresh Remix) - Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne Dope Girl - Brooke Valentine feat. Pimp C Hold Up - UGK feat. Paul Wall Go Get Ya Wet Wipes - Cam'ron Touch It Or Not - Cam'ron feat. Lil Webbie Ridin' Dirty (NY Remix) - Chamillionaire feat. Jae Millz and Papoose Fuck You - Bohagon Bojangles - Pitbull Tell Me When To Go - E-40 Spin Your Rag - Elephant Man What You Know About That - T.I. Get Throwed Up - UGK feat. Young Jeezy and Jay-Z Hustlin (Remix) - Rick Ross feat. Busta Rhymes Past Music They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 11-28-05 They Hate Me Because I Ask The Hard Questions: What I’m Listening To: 11-21-05 Attention iTunes Users This blog is setup as a podcast meaning you can have new music and videos automatically downloaded to your iTunes software as they come out with a one time set up. Just click on the xml button: on the right and then click on the "Subscribe with Yahoo! Music Engine/iTunes" button. Open the downloaded file. It is an iTunes file and it will add this site to your podcast directory.

One Game Left

Congratulations to the Lady Terps. They are in the NCAA National Championship. They just beat UNC to earn a place at the big show. North Carolina end their season with only two loses, both to them girls from College Park. I’m siced for them. National Championships are a big deal. Just like the men’s National Championship, I hope we get to riot after the victory. The Championship game is April 4th at 8:30pm on ESPN.

Ok It Was A Little Lame

Ok, so it might have been a “lame ass attempt” at an April Fool’s Day trick, like a certain somebody made a point to point out. But isn’t it the thought that counts? And since when did black people start using the word lame anyway? I’ll be the first to admit in retrospect that it wasn’t that good of a joke, but I’m not that creative at three in the morning after playing some intense Halo with the Bowie State Comp Sci Boys. “I like to rock the black, cause I got a cool killer look.”

While putting the finishing touches some posts to be placed on the blog for a later date. Because I promised myself that I would work on it more, since the number of my subscribers has quadrupled since November. I’m not talking about the people that just stop thru and see a page. I’m talking about subscribers. They are people that request to get new shit automatically and regularly. These are the people Da Franchise Boyz are talking about, random ass people off the net that stumbled on my shit and liked it. Boy, I think they like me.

Anyway, I saw the date and it was April Fool’s Day and I was like I got to do something. I got to fuck with somebody. I was going to get at that bamma that had a problem with what I said about P. Diddy. Earlier, Chalmer hit me up with a guest writing spot about motherfuckers and their cell phone, which I will have to follow up on because he missed some people I got beef with. I decided to write a post saying that I was giving up the blog. Then I had to think of a how. I picked I was going to prison. This was one I could work with, joke wise, but now that I look back it probably wasn’t the best one. Literally four weeks ago, I was at a coming home party for one of my cousins that just finished a 20-year bid. Now I think it the idea was a little insensitive. But that’s the story of my life. Say it now and apologize later for it.

A good April Fool’s Day joke takes a proper balance of fact and fiction to work. And I took a piss and a little bit missed the toilet (You can use that quote). The story was not outrageous enough to be completely unbelievable. It was like 4 am at this point. I have crazier real stories. Plus, I’m not good at lying. I like to kill’em with the truth. For the people that missed my post and/or email and are now just catching up, “it’s whatever”. You missed it. I made the web page talk for the people that visited the site on that day. I was a little siced that I could do that. Now be honest with yourself, if you missed it stop reading this shit and wait for the next shit to go down, you’re late. You missed the bus.

For the people that didn’t fall for it: I don’t care if it was April Fool’s Day or not, what the fuck is wrong with you?! I was going to jail and you didn’t care? You should have been like, “Oh, Will that’s tragic, want can I do for you?” You ain’t have be on my nuts or anything but show some fucking concern. I’ll be the first to say I ain’t cute, but I am way to pretty to go to jail. And I’m not a flat booty brother either. Ladies, you can bounce quarters of off my ass. Check it, I used to work out and I get it from my momma. The last thing, I don’t need to be is in a prison shower with a 250 lbs grown ass man thinking, “Shorty got ass.” I can’t be anywhere like that. You know I’m a little homophobic. I’m not built for that shit nor do I want to be. Yall should have cared about my ass (no pun intended). Sadly, I probably would have gotten a college degree faster if I went the locked up route. Prison lawyers are the bomb. For the people that say, I know you, Will. And you’re a good guy and would never get in trouble and to have to go to jail. Bullshit, don’t think for a second, I won’t catch a case right now and go straight to jail. I’m a Black man in American and that’s real. You can clap for that.

For the people that did fall for it: Ha Ha. April Fools. Gotcha good huh? Unlike the motherfuckers I addressed above, I like you because you like me. Yall are the real ones in my eyes. I appreciate the love and support shown, and that’s real. The advice how to be strong and for me not to let anyone toss my salad with neither jelly nor syrup was touching in a thug love type of way. Even my buddy, who was born in hell but kicked because she was too mean instantly, showed me a lot of love. I must be rubbing off on her. Everything was all in the spirit of April Fool’s Day so no hard feelings, but do know I got your back just like you got mine, even the bammas that didn’t care if I got locked up. That’s the type of person, I am. That’s why even Jesus wears a “What Would Will Wash Do?” t-shirt.

Even though no one took up the offer for the nudie pictures (for which I was greatly disappointed by), writing people is still important. We can work into the nudie pictures later. Cause everybody got a little freak in them (preview of a future post). For years now, I write to my uncle serving a life sentence from getting caught up with some shady (out respect of the dead, it would be in appropriate to use the b-word, but that’s another story) girlfriend shit, although, I don’t write as often as I should. Just about everybody knows someone locked up or has been, especially if your Black, Hispanic, White, and Arabs now. Arabs just can’t talk to their people while they’re in Guantanamo Bay. Write them a letter and send them a picture of the family. When one of my other cousins was locked up he said one of favorite things to do was draw naked girls. Now that’s real, because you can’t be mad at that. Can’t go the gay route and dudes love women and sex neither of which you can get or want to get in jail. Remember, they are friends or family members locked up with monsters and have no contact to the outside normal world. Be their link. It’s costs nothing but time and thought to you however it’s worth a fortune to them. Ask anyone who been locked up.

Now for the after school special time, what have I learn from this? Some of you bammas don’t care if I get shanked or ass raped. I hope you feel guilty. It was fucked up, insensitive, and in bad taste for me to play a trick on those that do care if I get booty hole taken. I hope we all can hug make-up. I like hugs… They make you feel warm… Oh yea, one thing I am interested to know is, what did people think I was on parole for in the first place? That would be an interesting survey.

I still love you guys.

Your boy,

Will Wash

P.S. Even though I’m not going to be serving time, we can still hit up the strip club. “When she give me a lap dance it feels like we’re on a date. Cause I’m in love with a stripper.”

P.S.S. Shout out to Luan for photoshoping my mug shot. Too funny. He must want my ass to get taking.

Cellphones

This is the first of many posts to be written by someone else. The post is done by my friend Chalmer. We see eye to eye on a lot of subjects and have a similar sense of humor so the quality of the posts should not change. Support my boy while I’m gone.

Cellphones

Here is my problem with them and yes I do own one if that is a concern of yours. Why do people act as if go out and do not bring one with you their must be something wrong with you. These things are not what rules your life and also as a friend states a part of your life. They are cellphones.

Cellphones is the topic and I know this topic is old and that there are enough topics about them but I am going to talk about them anyway.

Cellphones does have pluses. It can serve as a tracking device and it can help out in emergencies. Cellphones can be used in court to help out in your defense on a case against you. Cellphone conversations recorded and subpoenaed by federal courts in federal cases can get you off on a charge. it can be used as a location device to find individuals or to meet people at certain locations.

Cellphone negatives. Cellphones can be used as a tracking device. For those players, pimps, rollers, hoes, bitches, cheaters, fuck buddies, skanks, friends on the side, crazy ex-boyfriends and girlfriends, baby daddies and mommies, Tyrone, or Shanekas out there this is not good for you. They either call at the wrong time or your true mate starts to question who is calling you when the phone goes off around them. Or if your you are hanging with one of these individuals and your mate calls you either one of these individuals will blow up your spot or you do not answer the phone and that leads to more questions from your mate which leads to more lies and more drama etc.

For emergency - If I am in a bad car accident does any one think that am really going to reach for my cellphone to give them a call. Hell no. I am going to try to either sit still or try to get out by any means necessary rather than making a cellphone call. Look let me explain it to you. I call some one saying, " I got into a accident, I am dying, pleaseee help." What the fuck is the first thing they are going to do... You got it ask you a question, nigger I am dying. Instead of saying save your strength and not talk so you can actually live through this they want to asks you 101 questions and then you end up dying answering all their questions. This is not help!

If you are doing a crime I hope that your are not using a cellphone to discuss the details of that crime or soon to be crime. Otherwise, you are a dumb ass that deserves to get caught. Also, if you are around another individuals that has a cellphone they can hit this devilish little button that can record your conversations which can be used against you. So, please watch what you say around individuals, cause they can be setting you up. Camera phone is a subject i will not even get into because that can be a subject all on it own with crime. If you are doing crimes it is safe to say it is better to stay clear away from cellphones. Just a little advice.

Next, up I know many people will feel me on this one. But I know their will be haters or buttpimples to say the least that will say that they are excellent at driving and talking on the cellphones at the same time. But I am here to say your not. Cellphone drivers are almost as bad if not worst then Asian women drivers, old black men, bimbo drivers, epileptic drivers, and the too old to drive about to kill everyone on the street drivers. These people on cellphone cut you off drive down one way streets, speed while having these intense conversations, not caring about anyone but their conversations on the phone. They cross solid lines, run stop signs, red lights, drive extra slow, do not care about weather conditions, loose control of their vehicles trying to get their dropped cell phones, and the list can go on and on. Yet, people still think that they are great drivers using their cellphones. When you paying attention to other things your reaction time is slower, dumb ass. I know I speed and that is probably a understatement but I do not talk on the phone when I drive. If I do it is usually a 1-2 minute conversation.

Next is the status cellphone users as I will refer to them. These are the people that thinks that if they get a lot of calls on your cell phone that somehow makes them popular, the shit or whatever that means. No, that does not make you popular it makes you a mindless, rude, motherfucker. If your out hanging with your so called friends, and most of the time your on the phone, are you really hanging with your friends. Because if I was one of your so called friends I will tell you maybe you should be out with that or those people your talking to because obviously we are not fun to hang with. Which in fact they will probably would say, "your not as popular or fun or have a rack of bitches or dudes tring to be with you, so your hating on them." My answer is no. I keep my women in check, so they know not to blow up my phone or they actually have lives and have things to do.

Sad News - THE APRIL FOOL'S DAY POST

I am no long going to be able to continue working my site for a while. For the many of you that did not know, I am/was on parole. And unfortunately, the bad news is that I have to finish serving my sentence after violating parole. Even though the blog is quietly taking off, my not being able to work on my blog is the least of my worries. I’m too lightweight and pretty to be locked up. Luckily, I never had to serve time before, but now because of my parole violation, I am force to serve. To be honest, I’m scared as shit. But I’m going to have to be strong. The situation really could have been avoided and it pisses me off. Fucking with my badass cousin. I told that nigga, I was on parole, and I can’t be around nobody bad. You know a person is bad when they like to break the law and are not scared of the police. We inside 7-eleven at 6 o’clock in the afternoon and his hot ass want to be in there stealing shit. This dumb motherfucker did not see the police buying some fucking donuts at the register. This nigga was spotted like a kool aid stain on a white shirt. Police officer called him over. I broke in a southern slave sweat of nervousness. Why did this nigga get grab his dick, yell, “Fuck you” and started to beat his feet. Who the fuck does that? This motherfucking delinquent left me standing there blown like shit. I looked like the goddamn president when he’s asked and unscripted “how” question. Anyway, they wrapped me up. I am passing over the responsibility of this blog to friend. Hopefully, you guys will keep showing the love until I get out. By the way, the “Free Will Wash” T-shirts have already been ordered. You know how I do. I’ll only be gone for a couple months but still. Jail is jail. I going to have to go hard and learn how make a shanks to protect my booty hole. I’m going to miss all yall, don’t forget about me. I’m going to punish that bamma ass cousin of mine next I see him. Know for sure, I ain’t snitch on him. We are definitely going to be partying when I get out. And I expect everyone to write me while I’m in there. Ladies, sexy nudie pictures will be greatly appreciated. I love you guys. Your boy, Will Wash P.S. the correctional facility address will be posted.